Shameless Developments
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: As a photographer, many beautiful things cross Bella's path, but none so captivating as him. Despite all her efforts to distance herself, they just keep getting closer & their attraction grows. One afternoon in her darkroom changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

"**For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest **

**Title: **Shameless Developments

**Pen name: **SweetDulcinea

**Existing work: **N/A

**Primary Players: **Jasper & Bella

**Disclaimer: **Any characters, products, or other recognizable items are property of their respective owners. Apologies to SM for defiling her characters, but I've seen worse =)

**To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:  
www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/**

**A/N: **Thanks to **keepingupwiththekids** for mad beta skillz & friendship; love to **rachael1042** for insight, encouragement, and giggles; and **4lettrwrd**, without whom this story would not flow. She schooled me on photography and held my hand through the tough spots.

* * *

The delightful attention to my breasts moved slowly down my body until pumping fingers, a flickering tongue, and sucking lips all worked in tandem between my thighs.

"Oh god, baby…that feels so good," I moaned.

The appreciative hum in response sent reverberations over my scorching flesh, driving me closer to my impending climax.

This impassioned act was perfected in a nearly scientific way, but I never tired of the orgasm-inducing attention. Every time, my hips would buck wildly, seeking more and more and more. I was an instrument, played carefully by my musician to elicit a beautiful array of melodies and harmonies.

My fingers instinctively wound through the thick disarray of hair atop my lover's head. While my clit was circled and sucked, I clenched tightly, signaling the nearness of my release. With that heated cue, three slim fingers curled into the spongy surface of my G-Spot.

"Whose delicious pussy is this? Say it!" The words were garbled as my hands were still fisting silky strands of hair, holding that amazing mouth in place, but I understood this part well.

"Mmm…" I cried out in a feminine, high-pitched tone. "Fuck!"

Without warning, the fingers that were fucking me froze in place, making me writhe to create some kind of friction. I was too close for games. I _needed_ to get off or I might possibly die.

"Uh, uh, Bella. Tell me who this pussy belongs to if you want me to finish. Tell me baby, and I'll make you come so hard you'll see stars."

"Yours! It's yours!" I yelled, yanking the hair between my fingers again. "Please…I'm so close…fuck me!"

With my submission, the spiraling pleasure course continued. Moments later, my back was arching off the bed while I screamed through my promised orgasm. Ripples of ecstasy shot through my body over and over again, starting in my lower belly and overpowering each limb and brain cell. Collapsing onto the mattress, my hands relaxed beside me. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply through my nose.

The bed shifted beside me, and I rolled to face my beautiful lover whose skills never ceased to amaze me. Slowly, I allowed the light of the room to return as I stared into the gorgeous green eyes that had enraptured me the first time I saw them three years ago. Our lips met, pressing together gently at first and then molding into one another for a passionate reprise. Tongues danced and tiny moans permeated the thick air surrounding us. My hand found purchase on a prominent hipbone, trailing over taunt abs and working its way higher.

"That was unfuckingbelievable," I mumbled between sweet kisses.

"Anything for you, baby. I love you."

Lazily cupping the modest breast in my hand, I lowered my mouth toward the tantalizing pink nipple.

"I love you too, Alice."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

As we stood in front of the brightly lit vanity in our bathroom, Alice told me about tonight's premiere party at the art museum. As Public Relations and Publicity Director, it was her responsibility to ensure that these events went off without a hitch. She had been doing it since completing graduate school two years ago, and she was spectacular at her job. Alice had a way of charming people, so coupling her refined social graces with party planning was a match made in Heaven. Nothing was more exciting to my girlfriend than a grand affair.

Tonight held a particular significance for her. The museum's latest exhibit was a feature on local artists. Five talented artists, all originally from the area or current residents, were selected to display their work in the guest gallery. The art included an eclectic blend of paintings, photographs, sculptures, and drawings from the honored guests. One of those, a painter named Jasper Hale, was Alice's childhood friend. She had nothing to do with his feature in the exhibit, but she was certainly looking forward to catching up with him after all the years that had passed.

"He was my first kiss," she said with a smile as she smoothed a deep red stain across her lips.

"You told me you'd never been with a man," I stated in confusion. This news was surprising to me because Alice's major hang up when we first started dating was my bisexual past. Despite our attraction and connection, she didn't want to be involved with someone who might become fickle and leave her when I "got over my experimental stage." Alice was most definitely _not_ an experiment in sexuality where I was concerned. I had never loved anyone, male or female, before I met her.

She giggled and quickly corrected my assumption. "It was only a kiss. The Hales lived down the street from my family. Jasper and his twin sister Rosalie are eerily identical. He is very masculine and she is definitely feminine, but somehow, they still looked exactly alike. They are gorgeous. I mean, model beauty. By the time we were all sixteen, I was transfixed by both of them."

"So how did you end up kissing Jasper?" I asked.

"Well, a part of me _knew_ what I wanted back then, but I had never acted on it. Since Jasper was the only boy I ever felt drawn to, I cornered him at a party one night and asked him to kiss me."

"And?" I asked expectantly.

"And nothing. He was pretty and I suppose quite good at it, but I didn't feel anything. By the end of the night, everyone was drunk and passing out, and in my uninhibited state, I decided I should test my theory further."

Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I listened intently as her story continued.

"I found Rosalie and dragged her away from some auto shop asshole from school. She was too drunk to recognize his intentions. We were friends, you know, so I told her we could go hide out together. We found an empty guest bedroom and crawled into the bed together. Before she knew what was really going on, I started kissing her."

A wry smile found its way to my lips against my own volition. In all the time we'd been together, Alice had never shared any details of her "early" years with me. This story was actually turning me on a little. "What did she do?" I asked.

"She kissed me back, of course!" Alice giggled again. "I knew Rosalie had experience with guys, but she certainly wasn't kicking me out of bed."

"Oh my gosh! Did you date after that?"

"No. She laughed it off the next morning, saying I was hot, but she liked cock too much to be a dyke – her words, not mine." Alice shook her head at the memory, now working on her stylishly short, black hair. "She said she'd try anything once."

"Crazy," I mused. "Your first kiss with a guy and a girl were with twins! That's hilarious!"

"Not just my first kiss. There were a few other firsts with Rosalie, too!"

Delighted laughter filled our bathroom as we finished getting ready for tonight's event. By the time we were out the door, Alice looked stunning in a form-hugging black and white Versace dress, while I opted for a more comfortable look in tailored slacks and a sleeveless scarlet blouse. While Alice's position called for schmoozing and charm, my role was to capture the night in stills. As a professional photographer, I offered my services to my love at these events. I wasn't hired by the museum, but I liked doing it for her. She used the candid shots of guests, artists, and museum patrons for museum P.R. and in her personal portfolio. Like many other events before, I would spend more time with my camera and a glass of wine than I would Alice.

An hour into the evening, I had only seen her once. She was working the crowd in true Alice Brandon form, introducing patrons to the artists and the Board of Trustees and taking potential donors on tours of the various floors of the museum. It was as though this job was designed for her.

While she worked the crowd, I was busy catching up on my shots. My first distraction had been a delicious Shiraz that kept finding its way into my wine glass. The wait staff at this event was top notch. My slight buzz only added to my enchantment as I wandered through the guest gallery, carefully examining each piece of art representing the honored guests. Every item told a story. I had always been captivated by the expression of life and emotion through various artistic medium, but I was not gifted in that way. It's why I turned to photography. Where my hands lacked the necessary skills to turn canvas into a masterpiece, I had the eye for framing a subject and bringing it to life in a photo.

Resolving to take at least a few rolls of black and white snapshots before indulging again, I set my wine glass on a nearby cocktail table before my favorite waiter could refill it. In my opinion, film was a greater challenge than digital photography. The use of film made me savor each opportunity, taking care to be certain of a shot prior to depressing the shutter button. Focus was necessary. I could drink more once I was using my digital camera.

Things were going well, and I was really looking forward to getting this film into my darkroom to see the results. That anticipation and gratification was another reason I loved doing things the old-fashioned way. The act of mixing chemicals with film to produce a strip of miniature images was a soothing, magical process for me.

I captured many delightful moments: smiling faces, contemplative patrons as they viewed a particular piece, a group of suited old men arguing over who would purchase this or that. The malleable, emotional human face was _my_ artistic medium, and setting it to film was a high like no other.

As I prepared to snap a few candids of a mother and child pointing at an enormous wheel-thrown vase, another form stepped into the frame. When my lens zoomed in on my subjects in the distance, I was met with the face of a very handsome man. I gasped in shock, both at the surprise of having him cross into my line of sight and at his sheer beauty.

The camera dropped from in front of my face, still held in my hands, but resting just below my chest. Greedily, I drank in the sight fifteen yards away from me. Tall. He was very, very tall. Broad shoulders, an obviously sculpted chest, narrow waist. His skin had a warm glow of color, and his hair was styled into a shaggy, surfer-like cut of golden blonde tresses. I stared at his profile, as he was only partially facing my direction. High cheekbones, a prominently cut jaw, and full, pouty lips adorned his god-like face. Never, _never_ had I seen a man like this. As he turned, I noticed that his cobalt blue tie perfectly offset the matching blue of his devastating, dangerous eyes.

My knees were weak.

My panties were moist.

When a flirtatious smile graced his lovely lips, it hit me.

I was staring.

How long had I been staring?

Oh! He was staring back at me!

The fire of a deep crimson blush burned in my cheeks, spreading down my neck and to my chest. I involuntarily took quick breaths, diverting my eyes to the floor before peeking back up at the heavenly creature. He was still looking at me.

This feeling…it was not good. This reckless attraction could be my undoing.

I had not felt this kind of instantaneous desire for another person since meeting Alice.

No, not good at all.

My mind registered that he was moving. Moving toward me. A wave of panic struck, dropping my stomach into my kitten heels and causing my mind to race. In a flash, I turned away, pretending to take a few photos before bolting toward the ladies room.

Fifteen minutes later, I emerged. I couldn't hide all night. I had a job to do. I had a commitment to fulfill. At the bar, I downed a glass of Shiraz quickly and accepted a refill before setting back out to the party.

I ducked around corners when I would spot Blue Eyes, but my camera always seemed to point itself in his direction. What could a few innocent photos hurt? At least with these I would have proof that he wasn't merely an apparition.

Alas, my avoidance was futile. His eyes always found mine, piercing me with lustful stares and sexy smirks. He would lick his lips flirtatiously before sipping his wine, never taking his eyes off me, even if he was speaking to someone else.

I wouldn't approach him. I couldn't. But I wasn't sure if I could keep him from seeking me out another time. In a last ditch effort to ease my stress and sexual tension, I alternated between drinking my wine far too fast and continuing my photography.

When the last of my film had been used, I felt an encouraging sense of relief. The evening was nearing its end, I could switch to my digital camera and soon, I would be home in bed with Alice. I would never have to see the painfully alluring man again.

Slipping away from the crowd, I made my way toward Alice's office where my other camera was stowed. I tucked my first camera in its case, carefully placing the lens in its compartment and then removing my digital from the second camera bag. I heard the soft click of the door closing and breathed a sigh of relief. My absent Alice was here to calm and level me. With a smile on my face, I turned to meet her.

I reflexively jumped back at the sight before me, for it was not Alice. Blue Eyes loomed over me, seductive and sultry, gazing at me with an intensity that made my entire body shudder.

"Wh-what are you doing in here?" I stuttered, surprised that I could actually form words given the storm raging inside me.

"I think you know," he offered suggestively, stepping closer as I stepped back.

"You should go. I have to get back out there. I should go. We should go." The words tumbled from my lips, assuredly making me sound like an utter fool. Again, he stepped forward, I retreated. My heart thrummed in my ears. Could he hear it, too?

"I don't want to go, beautiful. I'd much rather be here with you…alone, than out there." Step forward, step back.

"I need to take more photos," I weakly protested.

My back was flush against the wall. He was close. Too close. Not close enough. My body ached for him to touch me, just once, anywhere, while my mind screamed for him to stay away.

With one hand flattened against the wall beside my head, he hovered over me, inching closer, leaning in…

I lost the battle.

His lips crushed mine, immediately working into a frenzied pace. My body reacted as any woman would. My teeth grazed his lower lip, my arms wound around his muscular frame, and my chest heaved against his. Before I knew what was happening, he hoisted me up, pinning my body between his and the wall. The fight was useless. My legs wrapped around his waist in simultaneous defeat and victory. The alignment was perfect; his prominent erection pressed directly against my center, causing me to whimper and cry out with each thrust of his angular hips.

I devoured him, sucking on his tongue and lips, tasting cinnamon and wine in his mouth. His hand fumbled with the buttons of my top, but I could not will myself to stop it. To stop any of it. My entire body wanted him, wanted this. I peeled my eyes open to soak up the ethereal beauty of the man who held me, and that was when reality crashed down upon me.

_Alice._

We were in Alice's office.

My girlfriend. My love.

I couldn't do this to her.

My legs unhooked from their position, immediately disconnecting our clothed sex and taking him by surprise. He tried to pull me back to him, but I wiggled until I was on my feet and our mouths unlocked.

"I can't do this," I whispered, staring down at my trembling hands.

"I'm sorry. Oh god, I don't even know your name," he sputtered out with a panicked, guilty tone. "Fuck! I'm such as ass." His hand went to my chin, lifting my face to meet his gaze. "What's your name, beautiful?"

"Bella," I whispered. "It's Bella, but we can't do this." My head shook furiously. "I'm…I'm…"

"You're what, Bella?"

"Not available."

"You're married? Fuuuuuck…" he groaned. "I'm sorry."

"No, not married. Just unavailable, but listen, I need to get back. Take more photos, you know?"

With that, I grabbed my camera and darted out into the hall. I gasped when I saw Alice turn the corner toward me, her face lighting up with a wide smile when she spotted me.

"There you are, sweetie! I've been looking all over for you!" she said, closing the gap between us and kissing me quickly on my lips. I cringed at the thought that she might taste someone else on what was hers. Looking over my shoulder, she bounced with excited joy. "Oh! I see you've already met Jasper."

Completely and utterly horrified, I slowly turned toward the man she was speaking of – the man who had just walked out of her office.

I quickly departed under the guise of needing to take more photos, and I avoided Jasper for the rest of the evening. When Alice and I left, his forlorn expression did not escape my notice. Any relief I felt for getting the hell out of there was voided by my guilt. How could I have done something so rash and disrespectful? I didn't even know this man, and I allowed him to seduce me. He was practically fucking me before we even introduced ourselves. Then, to find out he is _the_ Jasper that Alice had told me about before the party…the whole thing was a disaster.

Never in our three years together had I doubted my feelings for Alice. I went back and forth between dating men and women in college, but when we met, it had been almost two years since I'd been with a man. She was it for me; at least I thought so before tonight. Was it possible that someone could swoop in and shake the foundation of my relationship – of my life – so easily? Obviously, it was that easy. Lines were crossed and there was no going back.

My night called for a steaming hot shower to loosen my anxiety-ridden muscles and wash away my betrayal. When Alice slipped under the flow with me, I sought penance the only way I knew how – worshipping her body. With care and reverence, I stroked each inch of her petite frame with a soapy bath puff, following it with a gentle hand. I turned her from me, peppering her neck and shoulders with soft kisses as my hands trailed to her belly. One held her against me while the other teased her swollen clit. When I knew she could take no more, my fingers slid between her warm folds and into her slippery sex. I would need to bring her that kind of pleasure a thousand times before I could make it up to her, even if she never knew my secret sin.

All I wanted to do was surround myself with the woman I love and forget this night ever happened, so when she dragged me to our bed to reciprocate, I willingly gave myself over to her. Unfortunately, each time I closed my eyes, I was seeing another face. With each touch, I imagined another set of hands. For a split second, I even thought I smelled Jasper's musky essence in the air. I _wanted_ to focus on Alice, but it became too much. Giving into my fantasies, I made a request.

"I want you to fuck me tonight."

"Oh, I plan to," she promised, sliding her lips across my stomach.

"No, not like that. With one of the boys."

"Oh! Feeling kinky tonight, huh baby?" she replied with a mischievous smirk covering her face. I propped myself up on my elbows as she opened our nightstand drawer. "Who would you like tonight? Jake?" she asked, dangling a smooth pink vibrator over me. I shook my head. "Carlisle?" This time she waved our Rabbit in the air.

"No," I answered, scrunching my nose. "Edward."

"Mmm…you really do want to get fucked tonight, don't you, baby?" Placing Carlisle back in the drawer, she produced the thick toy, detailed with 'realistic' penis features. Edward was a big boy, and I was ready for him.

Lying back against the pillows, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations of the vibrator against my nipples, my belly, and finally inside me. The faint buzzing filled the air, but did not distract us from what we were doing. Alice expertly worked the toy in and out of my body, leaning over me to kiss my neck and suckle my breasts. I panted and moaned from all the attention as my mind flooded with images of Jasper. I could imagine his tall, lean body, glistening with sweat as he drove into me over and over again. His tongue had performed so perfectly in my mouth that I wondered what it could do to the rest of my body. Biting my lip to keep the words from falling out, I cried his name out in my head, and then I took control.

I flipped the dark-haired beauty onto the bed and positioned our toy between her legs. She clasped it with her thighs, keeping one hand on the base to hold it in place. We didn't do this often, but it was not something new in our sexual repertoire. Straddling her body, I sank down onto the vibrator, trembling at the delectable new angle. Though my intentions for this position were selfish, I knew that it would keep the buzzing toy pressed against Alice's clit, allowing her to come with me.

Closing my eyes, I completely let go of myself. It was Jasper beneath me, Jasper's hard cock fucking me for all I was worth, Jasper moaning my name, and Jasper driving me to a long, hard, screaming orgasm.

I'm surely going to Hell for that.

The next morning, I awoke to find Alice stroking my hair and watching me. This was not so different from our usual lazy Sunday mornings, except that a look of concern had created a worried frown on her lips.

"Good morning, lovey," I smiled, hoping her expression would mirror mine. I was relaxed and sated from the previous night, and I wanted to bask in that a little longer.

"Morning," she mumbled distractedly.

"Hey, what's wrong, Ali?"

For almost a full minute she did not speak, opting instead to study my face, as if searching for something.

"Bella, last night…do you…miss fucking men?"

"What? Why would you say that?" I snapped back, though not harshly. "Is it because we used Edward? Baby, we've done that a hundred times before. It was just a different way to get off."

"No, I don't care about that. It's just the way you looked. Something was different. God Bella, when you came…I've never seen that kind of look on your face."

"Ali," I whispered, stroking her wild, unstyled hair. "We were playing. I love you." I knew I wasn't directly answering her question, but I hoped my answer would satisfy her enough to forget about it. What was I supposed to say? _Yeah, baby. I was fantasizing about your friend while using your body and a fake dick to get fucked._ That would go over spectacularly. Fuck no.

"I love you, too, Bella. If you ever need or want something, you know I'd give it to you, right? I would do anything to make you happy…to make you feel good."

"I know." Giving her a soft kiss, I rolled out of bed to brush my teeth and make breakfast.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I arrived home from my studio later than usual on Wednesday evening and could hear the sound of laughter as I walked through the foyer. Though indecipherable from there, Alice's tone was light and friendly, and the responding voice was undeniably male.

Kicking off my shoes and leafing through the mail, I called out to Alice. "Ali, I'm home!"

"In the kitchen," she sang back.

I nearly passed out when I walked into the kitchen. Leaning against the island with a smile on his perfect face was none other than Jasper Hale. Fuck me, if I didn't blush like an idiot.

"Hi baby," Alice said as she danced over and gave me a light kiss on the cheek. "Jasper was at the museum today, so I invited him over for dinner. It's been so fun catching up on life since high school."

I returned her greeting, offering generic words of agreement. Fun was not exactly the word I would use to describe seeing this man in my home. As it would be rude and suspicious to give him the cold shoulder, I finally raised my eyes to meet his stare.

"It's nice to see you again, Jasper." His name stung my tongue, as it was the first time I had said it aloud since meeting him. "I'm glad you could co…" I cut myself off, cringing at my Freudian slip and hoping they didn't notice. "…join us tonight."

He nodded once, a bewitching grin forming at the corners of his mouth. "Thank you for having me, Bella. Alice has been telling me what a lucky woman she is to have you in her life. I don't doubt that in the least."

We moved to the dining room a short while later, plates and wine glasses full. As usual, Alice and I sat perpendicular to one another, and Jasper took the seat across from me. I was forced to look at him far more than I was comfortable, a fact that seemed to amuse him greatly. Despite my war with my attraction, the conversation was easy and pleasant. Over after-dinner coffee, I received some unexpected news.

"So Jasper, how much longer will you be in the city?" Alice asked.

"Well, it looks like I could be staying anywhere from six months to a year. I've been commissioned to paint a mural at the university, and I'm not sure how long it will take," he told us. "I'll still need to travel occasionally for gallery appearances, but this will be my home base for a while."

I immediately recognized the excitement in Alice's eyes and the little gears in her mind planning God knows what.

"This is amazing! We'll have so much time to hang out, and I can set you up with some friends of ours. Straight friends, of course," she added with a giggle. "Bella, won't it be so nice to have Jasper around?"

"Yeah, Alice. It's great," I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic. Her joy obviously overshadowed my nerves because she continued without so much as blinking at my reaction.

"Jasper, you'll have to go over to Bella's studio sometime. You two can do some artist bonding! I'm so excited!"

When he was finally able to get a word in edgewise, Jasper smiled affectionately at Alice's raving. His history of friendship with her shone through in amused understanding of her ways. "I would love to see your studio," he told me, casually ignoring Alice's first suggestion to fix him up on some dates.

"How about some music?" she asked after dinner.

"That sounds great. I'll clean up," he offered.

"You're our guest," I protested, trying to be gracious even though he was making me a nervous wreck.

"The chef should never do the dishes. Let it be my thank you for the lovely dinner and lovelier company."

Feeling defeated, I gathered a stack of dishes from the table and quickly walked to the kitchen with him. As I placed the items in the sink, I sensed Jasper's body behind me before I felt him. He pressed himself flush against me, giving a special poke of hello to my lower back.

"Alice truly is a lucky woman," he whispered, weakening my knees and my resolve. The warmth of his breath danced over my ears and tickled the sensitive hairs along my neck. An involuntary shiver ran through me.

I stood stiff, trying my damnedest to keep still and not lean back into his hard, inviting body. He knew what he was doing to me as he placed his hands on my shoulders, slowly running them down my arms.

"Tell me this isn't killing you, Bella."

"I…yes…no…please just…"

"Just what, sweet Bella?"

"This is wrong."

"I know."

"Don't put me in this position."

A dark chuckle rose from his chest, and I could feel the vibrations against my back. "What position would you like me to put you in, then? I'm willing to try almost anything, especially for you."

"Oh god…" I muttered, feeling myself fall deeper under his spell. "I love Alice. I _love _her. And you're supposed to be her friend."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Oh, well thank you."

"But you can't possibly deny that you want me."

"No," I squeaked.

"No, you don't want me, or no, you can't deny it?"

"Please…" I begged.

After a moment of silence, he pulled away. I immediately missed his contact, his warmth, his scent.

"I won't push you. It's wrong of me, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt Alice, but I can't deny this attraction. If you ever change your mind, I'll be here waiting."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The weeks passed, and Jasper stayed true to his word. With Alice's eager insistence that he become a regular part of our life, we all spent a lot of time together. Sometimes it would be the three of us for dinner or a movie, other times Jasper would join us with our friends. No matter the circumstances, he respected my boundaries, though the hungry looks he gave me remained.

For Alice's sake, I attempted to really get to know Jasper as a friend. If she could see me making a cordial effort, perhaps she would not notice the way I avoided being too close to him. I tamed the amount of time I spent staring at him, but sometimes he was simply too beautiful to deny.

Conversely, the sexual tension rose each time one of those forbidden touches would occur. They were never suggestive or suspicious, rather the brush of fingertips as we passed serving dishes around the dinner table, a strand of hair wiped off my face while cooking, or a _goodnight_ whispered in my ear.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get past the simple truth of it all. I wanted him.

Despite all my history with Alice, I couldn't get the man with those shocking blue eyes out of my mind. In the few months I had known him, something had changed in me. Things were no longer the same with Alice. The rose-colored glasses of our romance lifted, and I realized that our relationship wasn't as perfect as I had once thought. Our future together was no longer guaranteed. I did not want to give up my life with her, yet my thirst for Jasper would not subside. Part of me hoped that by spending time with him, I could find something unappealing, something to me turn off and end this attraction. Of course, that never happened. The more time we were around one another, the more I craved his presence. We were never truly alone; that was a boundary I could not break for fear of the consequences. However, we were afforded the opportunity for private conversations.

Jasper never ceased to amaze me. We had endless conversations about his art, the inspiration behind each piece, and the deep symbolism he tried to instill in each one. I had met countless artists and photographers, but none had ever shared my passion the way he did. It was something I didn't have to explain to him because he felt it, too – the way a subject could tear and torture, infusing itself with your heart and soul until you found the perfect way to release it onto canvas or paper or whatever medium you chose. Creating art was not about making something, it was about _feeling_. Even Alice, who worked directly within the art community, had never grasped that concept the way Jasper and I did.

It was no longer just our bodies calling to one another. There was more. The pull was greater than both of us, and I did not know how to handle it.

One weekend, Alice finally made good on her promise to set Jasper up on a date with one of her friends. We decided to double date in order to avoid that awkward blind date stigma. Selfishly, part of me dreaded the thought of Jasper with someone else, even though he had seen me with Alice dozens of times. Regardless, I would be a part of this date, thus privy to all their interactions.

The woman was a leggy, strawberry-blonde who performed with a string quartet that played at museum events. She was grace and beauty, exactly the kind of woman Jasper should have on his arm. They got along well. Too well. My jealousy flared, turning to anger as the amount of attention he normally bestowed upon me was given to the woman with the sparkling white smile. By the latter half of our evening, sipping drinks at a swanky club, I had turned into an irritable bitch. Finally tired of my attitude, Jasper asked me to go to the bar with him for another round of drinks.

Instead of walking toward the bar, he led me to a dark corner near the restrooms. With my back pressed into the wall, he glared down upon me, cold steel in his normally warm eyes.

"What is your fucking problem tonight?" he growled.

"What makes you think I'm the one with the problem?" I countered, folding my arms over my chest and staring to my left at nothing.

"You think I haven't noticed the way you've been shooting daggers at Tanya? The snarky comments you've made at me all night?" He took a step back, pulling his hair between his fingers. "Why do you want to ruin this for me?"

I opened my mouth, uttering a sound of protest, but not finding the words.

"Exactly," he said, his shoulders falling in defeat.

My body froze as he moved closer to me again, leaning down until our foreheads pressed together. I was aware of my sharp breathing and the proximity of his mouth to mine, but I was completely powerless.

"What would you have me do?" he asked quietly, squeezing his eyes closed and brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. "Sit around and wait for you? Indefinitely? I can't take it any longer, Bella."

His words stung, sharp and deep, the way old stories describe heavy swords piercing through a foe. I didn't feel the hot tears soaking my cheeks until Jasper wiped them away.

"I'm sorry," I whispered pitifully.

"Me too. In more ways than you could possibly imagine. Now go get cleaned up. I'll tell Alice you had a reaction to something at dinner."

I looked into his eyes one last time, certain that their lost hope mirrored my own.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The confusion and pain were too much, so when the opportunity arose to take a destination assignment for a small travel magazine, I jumped on it. It had always been a dream of mine to travel the world and capture each memory in my lens, but that was a hard field to segue into without a significant amount of cash up front. I imagined coalescing with wild animals and exotic tribes and seeing my photographs in _National Geographic_. Unfortunately, the majority of my income came from photographing up and coming models who wanted to build their portfolio. I could not pass up the chance to take this freelance job.

My trip lasted eighteen days, taking me to four locations to shoot alluring photographs of Spring Break hot spots. It wasn't _National Geographic_, but it provided the time I needed to clear my head and come home refreshed. I had resolved to push away my feelings for Jasper once and for all, and if he was still seeing Tanya when I returned, I would be happy for him. I think.

Three days after returning, I was in my studio developing some of the shots I had taken on my trip. As usual, I had done a great deal of the assignment on film. I had the equipment to develop some of it myself, but most of it had to go to a special printer.

I was in my darkroom working on some black and whites I had taken for my personal collection when I heard the buzzer of my door. Alice had a key to the studio, and I had no appointments for the day, so I had no idea who it could be. Unfortunately, I had just placed a print into the developer solution. The developing process took patience and careful timing, and I risked ruining this print if I abandoned it now. The buzzer called out a second time, but I couldn't make a dash for the door until I had moved the print into the wash.

To my complete and utter surprise, I opened the door to find Jasper staring back at me.

"Hey Bella," he said softly, peering into my studio and looking around. It was a simple thousand square foot loft containing my computers, backdrops, lighting equipment, and the darkroom I had installed when I bought it. "Alice told me to meet you guys here for lunch."

"Lunch?" I asked, frowning. "She didn't say anything to me about that."

"She was supposed to call you."

"That explains it then. I've been in the darkroom all morning. Can you grab my phone and follow me?"

Back in the darkroom, I moved my print into the fixer, dialing my voicemail as I worked. My messages informed me that she did indeed tell Jasper to meet us at my studio, only to be pulled for a business meeting. She couldn't get in touch with him but instructed us to have a nice lunch together. I relayed the messages and continued working.

I watched him wander through the relatively small space, examining photographs I had already developed and dried. He studied each one carefully, often holding them up to get a better angle in the dim red light of the room. I was relieved by how amicable our interaction had been so far, even though I still felt that nagging pull in his general direction.

"How was your trip?" he asked casually, not looking at me when he spoke.

"It was nice…to get away…to do something I love. I took a lot of photos that weren't part of the assignment."

After running my print through the dryer twice, I stood beside him, answering his questions about the various locales and subjects. He continued to view each photo in silence for a while longer before turning toward me, leaning his hip against the counter.

"Nice locations. I'm sure the rest will be amazing once you get them back from the printer."

"I hope so."

My breath hitched when he cupped my cheek in his hand. After the initial shock, I involuntarily leaned into his touch.

"Was it difficult to be in such beautiful places by yourself?" he asked in a low, soothing tone, stroking my skin with his thumb.

"Sometimes," I answered simply.

He took a deep breath, staring intensely down at me. My heart raced as I watched his lips part, tongue darting out to lick the enticing pink clouds. Implications swam through my mind, but everything was hazy and lost in the moment.

"Did you miss Alice?" he asked so softly it was almost a whisper.

I stared at him, not answering immediately. "Less than I thought I would," I admitted.

He hummed in response, looking over my body before bringing his other hand to my face. I could not have looked away if I tried. "Did you miss me?" he finally asked.

Those four small words unwound all the promises I had made to myself while I was gone. It was a work trip, but there was no doubt that I had run away. From the truth, from my guilt and fear, from the unknown. I still loved Alice, but this thing with Jasper was different. I was a fool to pretend I could deny it. We would either go on this way until someone recognized our intense sexual tension, or I would live the rest of my life with a Jasper-shaped hole in my heart. I could not fathom hurting Alice, but it had to be done. This wasn't fair to anyone, especially her. Submitting to my deepest desires, I answered his question. If he would have me, I belonged to him.

"Yes."

I nodded, closing my eyes and just…waiting. My heart and my future were in his hands.

"I can't do this anymore, Bella."

I squeezed my eyes tighter, expecting him to back away, but he didn't.

Instead, he pulled me against him, smashing my mouth with a series of fast, hungry kisses. Throwing aside all previous commitments and all reservations, I met him in our crazed embrace. I unfastened two buttons of his shirt, but he grew impatient and yanked it over his head hastily. Pulling back, I admired his fine form, running flattened palms up his chest and dragging my fingernails along his skin on the way down. He hissed at the sensation, yet made no move to stop me. His hands were already on the hem of my tank top, lifting it over my head and exposing my bare chest to him. Sinking down, he devoured one breast while massaging the other in his large hand. I fell into him, grasping his shoulders and hunching forward in hopeless ecstasy.

Standing abruptly, he resumed our previous position, his hands firmly holding my face once more. "I can't do it. I can't keep pretending I don't want you, Bella. I need you. Right now, tomorrow, every day. I can't stay away from you any longer."

"Don't," I said, winding my hands around his neck and pulling his lips back to mine. "I can't fight it either. I thought I could talk myself into going back to the way things used to be, but I know that's impossible now. I'll…I'll figure it out somehow. You…_you_ are what I want." My words, uttered in broken phrases between kisses, brought a joyful smile to his handsome face.

"Oh god…" he moaned, yanking at the loose waist of my peasant skirt with hasty fervor. The light cotton fluttered to a pool at my feet, followed quickly by my panties. Scrambling to touch, feel, grope and control, he lifted my naked body and sat me on the counter. We fought to maintain some form of connection as four hands hastily struggled with his jeans. Somehow, we managed to unclasp them, but before I could shove them down, he pulled out his wallet, drawing a condom from between the folds. I halted my actions for a moment.

"Did you plan this?" I asked, a hint of accusation in my tone.

"No, Bella, of course not, but since I met you…I didn't rule out the possibility. If it ever happened, I wanted to be prepared."

"Oh, I guess I can't blame you for that," I giggled as I hooked my big toes into his belt loops and shoved his pants down his legs. He laughed at my antics, stepping out of the pants and removing his boxers as well. His erection sprang free, and the sight of it literally made my pussy clench. It had been nearly five years since I had been with a man and he was…perfect.

Noticing my awestruck face and the way my eyes were glued to his cock, Jasper lifted my chin and looked at me seriously. "You've been with a man before?"

"Yeah," I nodded, smiling at his obvious concern for me. "It's been a really long time, but yes, I have."

"Okay," he smiled, leaning forward to kiss me. It was slower this time, but the urgency and desire were still there. Laying the condom next to my leg, his hands smoothed over the top of my ass and pulled me to the edge of the counter. He positioned himself between my legs as his fingers traced invisible lines forward, pausing at my inner thighs. "You are so beautiful, Bella."

I touched him everywhere, relishing the feeling of a masculine body beneath my hands. He was warm and hard, smooth and inviting. As I explored every muscular angle and flat plain, he ran a tentative thumb over my clit. I jumped at the sensation, rocking my hips into his hand for more. As soon as his long fingers slid inside me, the slow, savory moments were gone. Primal need took hold of me, and I attacked his lips. My kisses became harder and more forceful in his mouth, as did his strokes. Between the pumping and the way his thumb circled my swollen clit, I fell quickly into a sharp orgasm. My body seized around his fingers, spilling my climax into his hand.

His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. It felt amazing. Not because he just made me come, but because of who he was to me. This man…this beautiful, charming, ravishing man wanted me. Not as some random fuck, but to be his. Though our physical attraction was powerful, this was more. The two of us were kindred spirits, lovers of beauty and creativity. When I could not find the words to describe the way a photo or painting made me feel, he would complete my thoughts. The more I allowed myself to think about it, the less I understood why I had resisted him. Deep inside, I _did_ know why, but I couldn't think about that. Right now I needed him, more than I had ever needed anyone or anything in my life.

We held onto one another, hands running up and down the other's back. Lips moved from mouths to necks and back again. Hugging, holding, kissing. Fast and slow, rough and gentle, tiger and kitten. It wasn't just a sexual experience; we were finally allowing our souls to meet, suturing us together in passion, need and fury.

My hand slipped into the minuscule space between our bodies, wrapping around the rock hard evidence of his desire for me. I wanted him inside me, but there was some other need, something lascivious that begged to feel his weight in the palm of my hand. He groaned at my grasp, shifting impossibly closer while leaving a startled nip on my shoulder. I stroked him experimentally, testing my pressure and pace against his reactions. Each was a delight to me. I had forgotten the thrill of bringing a man pleasure at my hand. There was something empowering about doing this to a man – dominating his entire body, his entire existence with a few carefully conducted squeezes and flicks of the wrist. But I did not want to dominate Jasper right now. I wanted us to give and take in time with one another, sharing in each ounce of blissful gratification. My choice was made; my life was about to change in innumerable ways.

Nudging him back, I reached for the condom that lay nearby. I bit my lip in anticipation, catching his saucer eyes as he watched me do his duty. With care, I rolled the barrier over his length in preparation.

This was it. This was our moment to become one – to become whole. Once we crossed this threshold, there would be no going back. He would possess me wholly. First, he had captured my mind, and in time, he took hold of my heart. Now I would grant him access to my body – in me, on me, with me.

I was unprepared when he plunged into me. My pussy was wet, and he was looking into my eyes as he did, but I could not have anticipated the way I would respond to him. The fit was snug, eliciting a hissing, "So tight," from Jasper's pretty lips, and he filled me completely. A slight sting shot through me, but I focused on the bliss in our union. My heart exploded for him. _This _was exactly where and who I was meant to be with. Every fiber of my being knew it, nothing could take that away. As truth and understanding filled me, they forced streams of burning tears from my eyes. Tears of infallible acceptance, validating the necessity of pain and broken hearts in order for us to be together.

"Oh god, Bella, are you all right?" he asked urgently, kissing away each drop of saline.

"Yes. Yes, Jasper. I just need you…need you so much."

"You have me. I'm yours," he affirmed.

Time did not exist in the haven created by the bonding of our souls. We could have been there minutes or hours, I did not know. Being together was all that mattered. After some immeasurable number of minutes, thrusts and kisses, I felt the coil tighten in my lower belly. My legs wrapped around his waist so hard it must have been painful, but my heart's keeper never complained. On the contrary, his shaggy head fell back, then forward to press our foreheads together. He drove harder and faster as I cried his name repeatedly…until it was merely a whispered prayer. My body convulsed and tightened upon him, drawing his orgasm to me like a siren's call. He stiffened and then relaxed, sliding out and pulling me down to the floor with him.

His arms wrapped around me, offering a security and assurance I had never known. I was home. I clung to him like a frightened toddler. We would have to face the world all too soon, and it was a reality I feared.

Sensing my animosity, he squeezed me lovingly. "Don't be scared, we'll do this together. I can't let you go, Bella. I'll never let you go."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine.**

**Many thanks to 4lettrwrd who has played such an important role in the creation and development of this story. Additional thanks to my ever faithful beta keepingupwiththekids.**

**Welcome back, lovers of Artsper! Huge thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and voted for SD in the For the Love of Jasper contest. If you haven't heard, this story received the honor of "Best Use of Edward." Go check out my winner's banner on my profile – there's sparkly peen! Important information at the end of the chapter =)**

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**JPOV**

"Come here," I said, beckoning her with my finger. My back pressed against the door as I waited, quite impatiently, to let her into my apartment.

"Open the door," she replied, still standing on the opposite side of the hall.

"Bella," I growled in objection. She was too far away. Reaching behind me, I wiggled my key into the lock, stretching my free hand to pull her toward me. As the doorknob turned, she finally relented, allowing me to draw her body against me. Her lips instantly found mine, working my mouth open so that our tongues could dance together. The faint hint of tiramisu still lingered on her breath, sweetening her already delicious flavor.

With the door cracked open, I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground and backing into the apartment. She slipped out of my arms too soon, her shoes hitting the hardwood floor with a loud _click_.

"This is…" she began, turning in my arms to look around. Unable to resist the pull to her, my lips attached to her neck. "Hey, you're distracting me," she chided playfully.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," I offered between wet kisses. Resisting my actions more than I appreciated, she took a few more steps inside. "You were saying?" I finally asked feeling defeated.

"Dull."

"What?"

"It's so dull in here," she repeated. "For a talented artist, you live in a very boring apartment."

"I really don't spend a lot of time here," I answered with a shrug. My arms loosened, allowing me to swivel around until I faced her again. "Most of my time is spent working on the mural or in the spare room that I use for painting."

"It just surprises me. White walls, black leather furniture. Black, black, white, more black. Is there any color in this place?"

"Mmmhmm," I hummed, averting my eyes. She had teased me all through lunch, sliding her hand up my thigh and then retracting it repeatedly. It was my turn to play.

"Oh really? Where?"

"Take a look around."

I released her, missing the warmth of her petite form immediately. Oddly, I no longer felt whole without her body against mine. It seemed like much longer than a day since we had first…connected.

Memories of the previous day flooded my mind.

Alice and I had visited several times while Bella was away on her freelance job, but it had been almost a week since I had last seen her. She called me that morning asking if I wanted to meet for lunch, and I agreed. Bella had returned home only a few days prior and according to Alice, had been holed up in her studio since. Apparently, this wasn't uncommon for Bella. Once she got going on a project, she could spend hours in the darkroom. Alice suggested we meet at Bella's studio and drag her out for an hour.

The thought of seeing Bella had my stomach tied in knots. Things had come to a head the night of my first date with Tanya, and I couldn't say I was surprised when I heard about Bella's trip. I had come so close to forcing myself upon her that night, arguing in the dark hall of the club. There was something between us that could not be denied, but she would not acknowledge it. Our flirtations were subtle, though incredibly powerful. I wanted her so fucking bad, and I could not have her. She was with Alice. They were happy together…supposedly. Yet I knew she was attracted to me, even without taking the night at the museum into account.

It was so damn complicated, and it made me want to scream in frustration. Alice and I had known one another since we were kids, which made things even more fucked up and terrible. Lesbian, bi, or straight, I didn't need to be getting in the middle of someone else's relationship, but every time I saw Bella, it got worse. The closer we became as friends, the more difficult it was for me. She was perfect in every way. Witty, beautiful, introspective, and she just _got_ me. We shared that unnameable _thing_ that makes someone an artist. There weren't words or some simple definition; it was a feeling, a part of your entire being. She had it, and it radiated throughout everything she did and said. Why the hell did she have to be in a committed relationship with one of my friends?

Dating Tanya was a last ditch attempt to get Bella out of my head. If there was any chance that something could happen between us, wouldn't it have happened already? We had spent so much time getting to know one another, but she didn't seem to be budging from her relationship. Was it because I'm a man and she preferred women, even if she was attracted to me? I couldn't figure her out to save my life or sanity. For whatever cruel reason, Bella completely ambushed that date. I wasn't sure if Alice or Tanya could sense the animosity between us, but Bella was driving me crazy that night. First, she comes dressed in the sexiest red skirt I have ever seen, and then she pulls that jealous shit all night long. I was trying to move on and allow her to have her life with Alice. Lashing out at her in the hall was an uncontrollable reaction. My passion for her was so displaced that night. I was _trying_ to give this date with Tanya a chance since I could not have Bella. Did she really think I would keep waiting? If she had given me any indication that we had a future together, I would have done it, but I was tired of standing in the wings like an understudy.

Then Bella left town suddenly, and Alice encouraged me to take Tanya out again. So I did. There was nothing wrong with her, and under any other circumstances, I would have been all over her. But she wasn't Bella.

We went out two more times while Bella was away, but…nothing. I accepted her offer when she invited me into her house. I laid her down on the sofa and kissed her while soft music played in the dimly lit room. I fucking tried. It was pathetic. When Tanya tugged at the hem of my shirt, I froze. As a man, I should have been able to enjoy the sex and get out of there, but I couldn't even make it past first base before calling things off for good.

I was a piece of work.

"Jasper? What are you thinking about?"

"What's that?" Bella's soft, melodic voice pulled me from my bitter memories.

"You just looked so lost there for a minute. Is everything all right?" she asked, concern creating creases across her forehead.

"Everything's perfect now," I said honestly. My smile seemed to satisfy her because she stretched up to me, seeking another kiss. It had been at least three or four minutes since our last one, which was utterly too long, in my opinion.

Breaking our kiss, we continued touring my home. It wasn't a large space; I had no need for extravagance or frivolities. A small kitchen and living room plus two bedrooms were enough for me. I had converted the larger master bedroom into my mini studio space, and I used the smaller bedroom for myself. This was actually the first time anyone had been here since I moved in five months ago.

"Black, white, black, white. Where is the color? I would think that an artist would live somewhere vibrant and lush. You don't even have anything on the walls, Jasper!"

"Funny sentiment from someone who spends hours creating black and white photographs," I teased.

She turned on me, wearing an expression that was half-amused and half-serious. "There is so much life in those shades of gray! By removing color from a photograph, you notice things that color would otherwise distract you from. Contrast, shadows, subtleties…" she trailed off, passion and wistfulness lingering in her tone.

"I'm teasing," I said, soft but firm, cupping her face in my hands.

The corners of her mouth lifted, making me grin in return. _There's my girl._

"There's a big difference between black and white photography and lacking any color in your interior decorating. Now show me this elusive color you claim is hiding here somewhere."

I laughed inwardly as my hands dropped to guide her to my bedroom. This wasn't exactly how I planned things, but she was certainly making it easier. "Right this way."

Standing behind her at my door, I reached around for the doorknob, turning and pushing until the small room was in full view. My smile grew when she inhaled a sharp breath at the sight.

The bedroom was also simple, but it did include more than the black and white of the rest of my place. The walls were still white and the furniture was black, but across my king size bed laid a deep red comforter with two thick black lines running down the length of it. The vibrant crimson was a shocking contrast to the lack of color everywhere else. Over the bed was a single piece of art - an abstract human form, lying lengthwise on the large canvas and done only in red. I wasn't gasping over the view as Bella did, but it was something I truly enjoyed about my minimal decorating.

"Wow," she said in a breathy utterance. My arms wound around her shoulders, securing her body into my chest. "I get it now," she added a few moments later.

Freeing herself from my hold, she walked around the side of the bed, gliding through the miniscule space between it and the dresser. Her back was turned, as if she was examining something I couldn't see, and when she turned around, I noticed that her shirt was completely unbuttoned.

Not needing any other cues, I closed the gap between us and lifted her onto the raised surface of the bed. Her shirt fell from her shoulders with a simple nudge, and she was there before me in low-slung jeans and a lacy white bra.

"I want you so bad," I mumbled against her lips as my body eclipsed hers, forcing her down on her back. "You are everything I think about." My hands drifted over her smooth stomach, deftly flicking open the button her jeans. "I want to bury myself inside you and never come out."

Her needful groan in response was enough to spur me onward. In one quick motion, I yanked her pants off forcefully, tossing them to some unknown location in the room. Hungry lips fought against mine, moving to other locations of exposed skin while she tore at my clothes. I forced them off as fast as I could manage, and when I balanced on one elbow to kick off my boxers, she shoved me away. Rolling me onto my back, I realized her intentions. She was straddling my legs, sucking and kissing her way down my chest.

"Do you think you're the only one?" she said sitting up suddenly. Her barely covered ass scraped over my stiff cock, causing me to moan in a combination of needful pleasure and pain. She answered my call by sitting on my thighs and taking my length in her hand. Looking into my eyes, she spoke and stroked, spoke and stroked. "You believe that I could possibly get you out of my head? Do you have any idea how many hours I spent thinking of you while I was away? How hard it's been for me to focus on anything since you left my studio yesterday?"

"Oh god…" I couldn't control the sounds that fell from my lips or the bucking reactions of my hips. While small and delicate, her hands were strong and knew all the right ways to torture me. She pressed her palm into the head of my cock with the perfect amount of pressure, twisting slightly while her fingers wrapped around me and squeezed.

"I need you, Jasper. You're the only thing that soothes this ache in my soul. I want you in my body…in my heart…in my mouth…" And suddenly, she was lower, her full lips already kissing my tip.

"Fuck, sugar…you don't…have to…oh god…"

My term of endearment was purposely chosen. I had heard Bella and Alice refer to one another as _baby_ numerous times, and I didn't want anything I said or did to be a reminder of that relationship.

Her mouth was un-fucking-believable. For someone who hadn't been with a man in years, she definitely did not lose her touch. Shit, if she kept going, I would explode at any moment.

"Bella…stop," I said noncommittally. My fingers wove through her long hair, gently pushing her away from my body. She looked up at me, confusion lighting her deep brown eyes.

"What's wrong? It's been a while, but I thought…you seemed like you were enjoying it."

"That's not the problem at all, honey. Well, it sort of is," I stuttered, trying to find my bearings with her lips still lingering over my dick.

_Get back here!_ He seemed to call out, twitching in her direction.

_Just fucking wait a minute!_ I chided myself.

Bella was staring up at me, hair a wild mess and body propped on her forearms. I almost lost my resolve at the delectable sight, but I needed to rid her of the misunderstanding on her face.

"That was fucking amazing, but I want you up here. I want…" _to make love to you_.

Those difficult words were unnecessary as she slid up my body, rolling to her side and settling in next to me. Our mouths reconnected, humming with appreciation while our hands smoothed over every surface they could. Her leg flung over my hip, drawing us closer and forcing my erection against the scrap of fabric covering her sex. We instinctively ground together, and the narrow lace shifted out of place. Half my head grazed bare, moist skin. The sensation was so strong that I had to fight myself not to push it aside the rest of the way and just take her.

Before I could consider plunging in again, she brought me back to reality. "Wait," she panted, pressing against my shoulder with her hand and unhooking her leg from my hip.

"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean…it's just so…fuck." I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

"Shh, it's all right," she soothed, carding her fingers through my hair affectionately. "I just want to be safe. It's been years since I had a need for birth control."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, but she just kissed me lightly in acceptance.

"You're not the only one. I'll go see my doctor soon, and…you too?"

"Already taken care of." She raised her eyebrows at me in question, but I shook my head. "We'll talk about it later. Right now…"

I never finished that sentence. Instead, I tucked my fingertips into the fabric covering her ass and pulled. While I removed that obstruction, she flicked open the front clasp of her bra, exposing those creamy pillows to me. My mouth lowered to give each an appreciative kiss.

_Nice to see you again, girls._

My body, and my dick especially, were begging me to get to it and fuck her, but I needed to take this slow. I channeled that portion of my brain that wanted more from Bella than this physical part of things, focusing on the emotional ties that made the connection of our bodies truly intimate. I thought of her photographs and the stories they told, her smile when we talked, the chime of her laughter, and the passion in every word she spoke. That was the Bella I adored. We had already given ourselves over to the relentless need yesterday in her darkroom. Right now, I would make love to her.

A stretch across the bed gave me access to the condoms in my bedside table. I had only moved them from the bathroom last night, though I never anticipated needing them here so soon. It had been her idea to go out for lunch together today. Coming back here was, well…an impromptu decision.

Delicately rolling her onto her back, I laid myself gently over her body. I could feel her nipples grazing my chest as we kissed once again, each connection making my mind hazy with desire. Carefully, I nudged her thighs apart, placing myself between the V of her legs. Heat radiated from her center, and I ran a tentative finger between her folds to make sure she was ready.

"Please," she whispered, moving her lips across my jaw while her hands did intoxicating things in my hair.

"Please what?" I replied, obviously goading her.

"Don't tease."

I lowered myself, slipping into her an inch and then pulling away.

"Fuck! I said don't tease!" Her hands moved to my ass with a loud smack, and I couldn't keep from laughing at her insistence. "Please, Jasper…"

Smiling, I kissed her lips, repositioning myself and looking into her eyes. She seemed so small and fragile beneath me, the broad set of my shoulders covering her body like a blanket. Our difference in height forced an arch in my back, but I felt no discomfort. Nothing could spoil the sheer ecstasy of being with her this way.

"You are so incredibly gorgeous, Bella." I pressed into her slightly. Her hips shifted to take me in. "I can't go back to my life before you. I need you." Deeper, more than halfway. I felt her ankles lock behind my back and I fought myself to say these things before letting go. "Tell me you need me too." I was full seated within her body, once again reminding myself to not lose control.

"Yes…yes, I need you," she cried out, heels digging into my ass. When she rocked into me, I began moving again. "Ooohh…"

It felt as though our bodies were in perfect synchronicity, even when we fought for dominance or control of our pace, it was still perfect. _She_ was perfect. Sex had never felt like this before. Usually, it was just a form of pleasure and release. I had been with women I cared about and had even been in love before, but none of those experiences ever compared to this. What we shared was somehow stronger, even though we had only truly been together once before. Between the moans, the slapping of flesh, and the hungry nips was something greater that I just could not explain.

I held her tightly against me, even after we had finished. When she shivered from the cooling of our sweat-moistened bodies, I maneuvered the blankets from beneath us to warm her. We lay together for a long time, reveling in the joy of being together as we stroked hair, cheeks, and every other bit of accessible skin. Our legs tangled, rubbing playfully up and down one another. Bella was the first to speak.

"Not to jump the gun or anything, but _god_, there are so many things I can't wait to do with you!"

"Oh yeah? Like what?" I asked playfully. The giddy post-sex high was still floating through my head.

"You know…positions."

"Such as?" I wasn't going to say it aloud, but I _loved_ where this conversation was going.

In a surprisingly bashful move for someone who was naked and wrapped up in me, she ducked her eyes from my view. "Lots of them."

"Tell me," I pressed.

"Umm…ankles over your shoulders, reverse cowgirl, from behind, standing…It's not as though I haven't been sexually satisfied, I just remember how good those positions felt…"

Before she was even done speaking, I was hard again. Shifting slightly, I knew she could feel it.

"Care to get a head start on a couple of those?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

By the time we had completed round two, we were both exhausted and fell into an unintended slumber. I was roused by the sounds of Bella shuffling around my room in search of her haphazardly discarded clothes.

"Hey honey, what's the matter?" I asked, smirking at the view of Bella in jeans and nothing else, her shirt draped over her arm.

"I can't find my bra," she huffed.

Sliding my hand under the pillows, I felt the satin and lace and pulled it out. "You mean this bra?" I asked, waving it around lightly.

"Thank you," she said with a smile, reaching for it.

"Nuh uh," I replied, shaking my head and holding it to my chest. "Come and get it."

"Jasper," she whined. "Just give it to me. I need to go."

I did not reply. Instead, I narrowed my eyes and shook my head slower. She took the bait and was soon crawling across the bed toward me. As soon as she was within reach, my arms darted out and pulled her against me. The blanket obstructed our bodies from a true connection, but I kept her close.

"Let me go, cheater!" she shrieked as my fingertips dug into her sides. "No tickling!"

Fighting my way out from under the blankets, I kept my hold on her and flipped her over. I sank down against her, attaching my mouth and hands to her bare breasts. Her sounds of struggle faded, quickly being replaced with a different kind of sound.

"Ahh…That's good…oh fuck. Jasper, I really…need to…go."

"Never."

After many more pleas, I eventually relented, sliding up to kiss her soundly.

"I really do need to go," she said remorsefully.

"I wish you didn't."

"I know," she sighed. "Let me up, I need to call a cab."

"That's ridiculous, Bella. I'll drive you back to the studio."

"You really don't have to."

"Yes, I do."

We spent several more distracting moments getting dressed, but we eventually made it out of the apartment and down to my car. Once inside, I decided to get serious.

"Bella, I know we haven't actually talked about this, but where are things going for us?"

"I told you that I want _you_, Jasper."

"I know, but you're still-"

"It's only been a day," she defended.

I nodded in understanding. Would it be wrong for me to admit that I would move her into my apartment tonight if that was what she wanted? I decided not to get too far ahead of myself. "You're right," I agreed.

"I'm going to end things with Alice. I have to," she said, her voice wavering to the point I thought she might cry. "Please trust me that I _do_ want this. I just need some time to work out all the details."

"Bella, I know this isn't going to be easy. You know I'll be here however you need me, right?"

"Of course. It's just…three years is a long time. It's more than breaking up. There's our apartment, all our stuff, our friends…"

By that time, we were in front of the building her studio was in, and it was time to say goodbye.

"I'll call you tomorrow," she promised, leaning over to kiss me one last time.

"I'll miss you."

With a small smile, she nodded and stepped out of my car.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

All of my thoughts were of Bella that night.

First came the instinctual, overwhelming memories of our intimate times together. God, she was incredible. It wasn't one single thing about her. The woman was an undeniable beauty and she knew her way around the bedroom, but it was _more_. She was both the engulfing fire and the air that fueled it. I was enraptured by the slightest touch and imprisoned in her gaze. While some caveman mentality wanted me to possess her and brand her as my own, a stronger part of me wanted to be hers. To be _owned_ by the timid, tantalizing woman whose scent still lingered on my pillows.

Somehow, impossibly greater than that was the emotional draw I felt to her. It was what made us _us_, and it was the driving force in our absolute need to be together.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined it was possible to feel this way about another person. Passion was not an unfamiliar entity in my life, but it had never come in this form. There had been plenty of lust and the driving desire to give and take from a woman, yet all those past relationships paled in comparison. I didn't want anyone or anything ever again. If I could eat, sleep, and breathe Bella, I would.

I was completely and utterly fucked. This woman now had the ability to snap me like a twig if she wanted. I prayed that all her words had been true and that she wanted – no, needed - to be with me. She had to feel the same. There was no way she could be with me and not share those feelings. There was no way she could compromise a three year relationship if there wasn't the absolute fucking promise of a greater outcome.

Thinking of Alice brought a swell of guilt into my heart and mind.

Poor innocent Alice. This would crush her. There was not a simple or easy way for Bella to handle their breakup. Alice was an unassuming bystander in this messed up situation.

I never intended to do something like this to her, and I have felt bad for it all along – the last two days, in the past several months, and hell, that first night.

The opening of the local artists feature…Reconnecting with Alice had been a pleasant surprise. I had not seen her since high school, but she was very much the same girl she had been back then – an endless bounty of energy, a constant smile, and the poise of a ballerina. I could still remember that night she asked me to kiss her. Being a drunk and horny teenager, I willingly agreed to her request. Personally, I thought it was pretty damn good, but she disagreed.

"_Alice, are you all right? Most girls like kissing with tongue."_

"_No, it's not that," she replied, the strangest look of confusion scrunching her features. "You're the only boy I've ever been attracted to."_

"_Isn't that a good thing?"_

"_I suppose it would be for you, but I felt absolutely nothing there. I guess that confirms things for me."_

"_Confirms what?"_

"_That I'm a lesbian."_

I chuckled at the memory, welcoming the sound to the quiet of my apartment.

Alice was a good person, and she deserved to be happy. Our friendship and my platonic affection for her only made things more difficult. By the time I understood what Bella had meant about being unavailable, it was too late. The damage had already been done; my insatiable desire for Bella was already firmly in place.

I thought I could control things when Alice invited me to their apartment for dinner, but I was such a fool. Bella was too alluring, too intriguing. Her physical beauty drew me in, and her mysterious, dark eyes captivated me. My body screamed with need, if only just to touch or hold her and nothing more. I let her know, hoping she would reciprocate my feelings, but also willing her to have the self-control that I did not seem to possess.

From there, I could see Bella fighting our attraction just as much as I did, but all attempts were futile. We found a middle ground, becoming friends, but never overstepping that line. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted. Every meeting was a tightrope walk, struggling to find balance between forging a friendly bond and becoming suspicious in the eyes of Alice and their other acquaintances. She consumed me.

Now here we were. Stuck in limbo until Bella could find the best way to end her relationship with Alice so that we could be together at long last. I only hoped that I could maintain my patience. In reality, I knew it might take a little bit of time. This was no easy task for Bella, and no matter how guilty I felt, she must have been feeling a thousand times worse. Neither of us ever wished to inflict even an ounce of heartache upon Alice.

My phone rang, and I suddenly realized that it had grown dark outside. My heart pounded in my chest, wistfully hoping for one particular name on my caller ID. Sadly, it was not.

"Hey Peter, what's up, man?" I asked my manager.

"Hey buddy, not a whole lot on my front, but I have some great news for you. The School of Art at Wainwright University had a speaker drop out of their symposium, and they would like you to fill the slot. What do you think?"

"Wainwright?" I asked anxiously. It was my alma mater, and the opportunity had me excited immediately. "That would be phenomenal! When is it?"

"That's the only thing," he said hesitantly. "It was a last minute cancellation, so you have to leave in two days. It's a five day program. All expenses paid, though, so that's a bonus."

"I could swing that. What all is involved?"

"Well, you would have to do a couple lectures and there would be a panel you'd have to take part in. Other than that, it's mostly meeting with professors, mentoring some students, and schmoozing with the department and university big-wigs."

He went on to give me some more details about the trip and my responsibilities while there. Overall, this was a fantastic opportunity. Just being asked, even as a substitute for someone else, meant that my name was on the initial list of prospects. The thought of sharing my experiences and expertise with students and other artists was absolutely thrilling to me.

Peter and I talked for a while, discussing my travel arrangements and a few other business items we needed to take care of together. When the call ended, I found myself perched on my sofa, smiling like a fool.

All I wanted to do was call Bella and share my news with her.

But I couldn't. I would have to wait until tomorrow to speak to her.

That killed me.

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**E/N: Wainwright is a fictional university I created for the purpose of this story. Any similarities to other collegiate institutions is coincidental.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine.**

**Thanks to 4lettrwrd and keepingupwiththekids. Extra thx to all the readers & reviewers who make me smile every day!  
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BPOV

The happy bubble I had been floating around in all day burst the moment I walked into my apartment. Thankfully, Alice was not home yet, but she would be soon.

After the darkroom episode with Jasper yesterday, I ended up staying at my studio as late as I could. Feigning exhaustion when I got home, I managed to avoid much interaction with Alice, but tonight that would not be possible. I wanted to drive back to that black and white apartment with the red bedspread and the gorgeous blond and just lose myself in him all over again. Unfortunately, reality required me to face my girlfriend and figure out how I was going to end this relationship. The thought turned my stomach.

A shower was the first order of business. I could only imagine how I smelled after spending almost an entire day with Jasper, not to mention several rounds of incredible sex. My nose pressed into my shoulder, dragging along my upper arm to take in his scent one last time before I stepped under the warm spray.

It was impossible to be anything but quixotic as I thought about him. Regardless of all the imminent drama we faced, I was still overcome with those feelings of new…_something_. I didn't want to call it love yet because it was just too soon, wasn't it? Yes, we had developed a friendship over the past several months, but real love just doesn't happen that fast. It was assuredly more than infatuation, yet I couldn't find the correct label for what we shared. With time, I was certain it would become love, just not yet.

That led me to think about my feelings for Alice. Being honest with myself, I was already aware that what I felt for her had been changing. She was my everything for so long, and I developed a sort of tunnel vision in our relationship. As far as I was concerned, she was it for me. We had an instant connection, we built a romance upon it, and that grew into the life we now share. Meeting Jasper was the first and only thing that had ever turned my eyes from the path I shared with Alice. Once I was able to separate myself from my fairytale-like view of our relationship, I saw its flaws. I knew that my attraction to Jasper could be seen as a means of nitpicking what I had with Alice, but it wasn't. In truth, it was more like someone turned on a light, and I was finally able to understand that we weren't quite as perfect as I once thought.

Either way, I still cared for her very, very much. I loved her, even if the "in love" part of our relationship was dissipating for me. How could I _not_ feel some sort of love toward her? She had been my best friend, confidant, and lover for three solid years. We lived together, shared friends, and did almost everything together. She was as much a part of my life as anyone could be. Breaking that bond and severing our relationship would be no easy task. When I factored in our physical interactions, I was a mess. I was still very much attracted to her, and the comfort and familiarity we shared only added to our intimacy.

Nothing about this situation would be easy. There was no right way to handle the transition from one relationship to the next, but I was sure there were an infinite number of wrong ways to do so. That reality weighed heavily on my mind. Knowing that I was going to break Alice's heart no matter what I did was sickening.

I dressed in loose sweatpants and a tank top, throwing my wet hair into a sloppy bun on top of my head. Moving into the kitchen, I noticed that Alice still hadn't come home, so I rooted through the refrigerator until I decided what to make for dinner. With some loud music blaring through the apartment, my distracting task served its purpose. My hips shifted from side to side and my feet bounced as I stirred sautéing vegetables and sang along loudly.

"_And we're miles from the middle of nowhere and neither of us seems to care, and that's why I love you so-oh-oh! Shut your mouth, girl, no one has to know!"_

When a thin pair of arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against a soft body, I jumped and screamed, sending my wooden spoon flying across the kitchen. It fell to the floor several feet away with a clatter.

"Shit, Alice! You scared the piss out of me!"

"Sorry, baby," she said softly, pulling me away from the stove and turning my body toward hers. "You were just so sexy singing and dancing like that. I couldn't help myself."

"If you find singing off-key and jumping around like an idiot sexy, then I guess I had your number," I quipped. My arms found their natural place around her shoulders, pulling us closer. It wasn't until she kissed me that I realized how easily I had fallen into our normal routine. I felt like things should be monumentally different when we were together, but they weren't. It was as if this were any other day for us, not the second day I had come home to her as a lying cheater.

"Hey, what's the matter?" she asked, presumably feeling the change in my demeanor.

"Oh, crazy day," I hedged.

"You seemed pretty happy a minute ago."

I shrugged. "Must have been the music. You know how much I love these guys."

"Okay…" she said hesitantly, but she eventually accepted my answer and moved on to lighter conversation.

Dinner only took another ten minutes to complete, and by that time, Alice was out of her work clothes and settling in at the dinner table with me. She told me about her day and the new advertising agency she was working with for museum promotions.

"God, Bella, you should see this ad exec. His name is Brian, and you can just tell he's one of those guys who always gets what he wants. Not surprising, though, because he is beautiful."

I raised my eyebrows at her in question, pausing to take a sip of my wine. "Did you really just acknowledge a man's attractiveness?" I teased.

"Just because I don't want to screw men doesn't mean I can't appreciate a fine piece of art!" she said good-naturedly.

"Point taken. It's just not often that I hear you talk about pretty men," I said, suddenly feeling awkward, but wanting to see where this was headed.

"Well this guy is definitely an exceptional specimen, but it wouldn't even matter if I was straight. He's totally doing the intern."

"No!" I gasped, finding myself laughing at her gossip about people I didn't even know. It has always been so easy to get caught up in things like this with Alice. "What is she, like ten or fifteen years younger than him or something?"

"Uh, no," she shook her head. "_He_ is some sweet little blond with a bubble butt that Brian was ogling throughout the entire meeting. They were totally eye fucking each other, too. I don't know the details, but it was soooooo obvious!"

I laughed along with her story for a bit longer, but reality ceased my enjoyment quickly. Alice's words replayed in my mind. _I don't know the details, but it was soooooo obvious._

Did she know something about Jasper and me? Was this story just a ploy to call me out on my infidelity?

My eyes were suddenly glued to my plate as I resumed eating. There had not been anything in her tone besides jest and general gossipy amusement, but maybe there _was_ something she wanted me to realize. No, Alice had never been the passive-aggressive type. She never had a need for backward conversations or insinuation. If she suspected anything, she would address it directly.

But if she could see the sexual connection between those men today, how could she miss the unspoken yearning I shared with Jasper? I had to believe that we were just better at hiding it than her business associates had been.

After cleaning up our late dinner, I was faced with a new predicament. It felt completely wrong to be close to Alice, even though she was still my girlfriend. I had been with someone else today, and as much as I enjoyed her affection, I couldn't bear the thought of being intimate with her right now. To avoid any confrontation, I grabbed a book I had been wanting to read and curled up in my favorite chair while she showered. When she emerged, I was engrossed in my book, thankful for the respite from all the craziness in my head lately.

A couple hours later, she curled herself against me in bed. I kept my back to her, not willing to face what may come if I assumed any other position.

"You feeling okay, baby?" she asked, the concern obvious in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Good book?"

"Mmmhmm," I hummed. "You should read it when I'm done."

"Yeah, maybe I will. I haven't read anything good in a while. Hey, how was lunch with Jasper yesterday? I didn't get to apologize for bailing."

Her question caught me off guard, making me wonder, once more, if she knew something she wasn't telling me. I knew it was probably innocent, but after our dinner conversation, I was feeling paranoid.

"Oh, it was fine. I mean, we didn't actually go out for lunch." _Shit, what am I doing?_

"No? Why not?" she asked.

"You know, I'm so caught up in my projects right now. He hung out for a while and looked at some of my shots from the trip." There. That was an honest answer. I was technically lying by omission, but she didn't need to know that.

"Well that's good, at least. I'm glad he finally got over there to see your studio. Did you show him around the darkroom?"

Once again, I was thankful that I was facing away from her and that the room was dark. My face was surely bright red and my dumbfounded expression would have betrayed me. "Umm, yeah. He watched me work for a while." _And then fucked me soundly._

Feigning a yawn, I patted her hand that rested on my stomach.

"You've been wearing yourself out, Bella. Sleep, baby."

"Thanks. Good night, Ali."

"I love you."

"Love you," I whispered back, hating myself for not meaning it the same way she did.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I managed to get out of the apartment the next morning without incident. It was Friday, and even though I had only been back from my trip for a few days, I was grateful for the weekend. For the first time since before I left, I had a shoot scheduled with an agent I worked with regularly. She was bringing a couple of her new models in today for some portfolio builders. I had faith this would be an easy, though long, day.

Stepping into the elevator at my building, I pressed the button for the fourth floor. It smelled like coffee, making my stomach growl with jealousy. I had been in such a rush to get out of the apartment this morning that I didn't get my usual cup. As the lift chimed the passing of the third floor, another scent caught my attention. I knew I must have been imagining it, my longing tricking my olfactory senses to believe something that wasn't real. Still, my heart ached for the owner of that scent - my Jasper.

_My Jasper._

I smiled at the thought, and all the stress of the Alice situation rolled off my back like water. I would need to call him after my shoot. Perhaps we could get a late lunch together. For now, I wanted to do some editing work on my computer before Carmen arrived with her models.

The elevator doors slid open, and as I approached the door to my studio, I was taken aback. Leaning against my door, ankles crossed and two cups of coffee in hand, was the one person who was always on my mind. For a moment I thought I was just imagining him there, a bit of wishful thinking if you will. It wasn't until he spoke my name that I knew he was real.

"Bella," he said with reverence and adoration.

An involuntary grin, wide and joyful, spread across my face. I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around him. With my face buried in his shirt, I could smell him with the full intensity I had not received in the elevator. He was warm and hard and all man. When I finally released him, I saw that his smile was just as big as mine.

"Good morning, sugar," he chuckled, handing me a cup of coffee. He took the keys when I had dug them out of my purse and opened the door for us.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as we walked inside. After taking a sip of the delicious dark roast he had gifted me with, I set it on a table and attached myself to him again. "Don't you have a mural to work on?"

"I do, but that project is almost complete. I'd much rather spend my time with you than be stuck up on scaffolding all day long."

"Mmm…" I hummed in agreement, removing his coffee from his hand so that he could fully return my embrace. "But you still haven't answered my question."

I didn't get an answer right away. Instead, he carried me to a sofa that sat adjacent to my computers and sat us down. Rather, _he_ sat down and then placed me in his lap. Our mouths instantly came together, tongues tangling with the taste of his cinnamon toothpaste and the coffee he brought for us.

"Good morning, indeed," I mumbled playfully as his lips trailed down my cheek and to my neck. I couldn't keep my hips from rocking against him eagerly. When his hands crept down the small of my back, I thought he was going to guide my movements, but to my surprise, he held me still. "What's wrong?" I asked as he pulled his head back.

"Nothing's wrong, I just don't want to get distracted. I did actually come over here for a reason."

I giggled and slid back on his knees to listen.

"I have news."

"What kind of news?" I asked curiously.

"Great news," he smiled. "I've been asked to participate in an art symposium at my alma mater in San Diego. It's a great opportunity for me."

"Aww, Jasper, that's wonderful! Congratulations, sweetie!" I leaned forward, placing a single chaste kiss on his mouth. "When is it?"

"Well, that's the only downfall," he said slowly. "I have to leave tomorrow."

My heart fell. "Tomorrow," I said flatly.

"Yeah…and I won't get back until late Friday morning."

"Oh."

"That part sucks. A lot."

I sat silently for a moment. The thought of Jasper being away for so long was depressing, but I wanted to be happy for him. I _was_ happy for him. We had handled not seeing one another for over three weeks while I was gone on my travel shoot and we'd survived that. Granted, we were not together then, but it wasn't the end of the world. Our relationship is new. I knew we could handle this. Fighting back my disappointment, I mustered up a genuine smile.

"It will be okay," I assured him. "It isn't all that long. We can talk while I'm here at the studio."

"I hate leaving you. I wish you could come with me," he admitted. His hands traveled up my sides, lightly dancing over my cheeks before moving into my hair. My eyes closed, relishing how good those little touches felt.

"Me too," I whispered, barely audible. My body fell into his once more, connecting us until we were kissing, soft and slow.

He pushed me back gently, looking into my eyes seriously. "There's something I've been thinking about since last night."

"What's that?"

"You know I don't want to push you, and I don't want to make your decision for you, but…I thought it might be a good time…with me away…I think you should move out of your apartment while I'm gone. I'll give you a key to my place so that you have somewhere to go. It will probably be easier to do when I'm not around to complicate things, you know?"

His words hit me like a punch in the gut. I knew that I needed to break up with Alice, but I hadn't put a timeline on things yet. In my heart, I knew it should be soon – as soon as possible – but this request was so sudden. Out of nowhere, I now had dates and times and expectations to live up to. I couldn't blame him for his request, though. Wasn't I the one who had promised him that I would be his? Wasn't I the one who said I needed to be with him and that I had to break up with her?

Fuck.

Jasper was who I wanted. The life I desired was with _him._ There was no question in my mind about that, but actually getting there was the daunting part. Why did this all have to be so damn hard?

"Bella?" His sweet voice brought me out of my uneasy thoughts. "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I just…don't really have an answer for you. I'll try Jasper, I promise I will."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked sadly, not meeting my eyes.

I couldn't have him feeling that way. It hurt me too much to know I was hurting him. Taking his face in my hands, I lifted it until he was looking at me again.

"It's hard. Really, really damn hard," I said emphatically. "I hate that things have to be this way, but they are. I'm going to do it soon, okay?" I didn't promise that it would happen while he was gone, and if he noticed that, he didn't say anything. That made me feel a little worse inside.

"Yeah, I get it. I just don't want to hide this, honey. I want us to be able to _be_ together, not just sneak around and have sex. You know that's not what it's about for me, don't you?"

"I know," I said nodding. Seemingly satisfied for the moment, we kissed again. Just as we began to deepen it, a loud knock sounded through the door.

"Expecting someone?" he asked.

"I have a shoot today."

Standing together, he helped me right my clothes and hair, and we proceeded to the door together. Before opening it, he leaned down to give me one last kiss. I silently wished he didn't have to go.

"I'll talk to you later," he whispered and then opened the door.

With a wink, he slid past Carmen and the two young men with her, nodding cordially at all of them.

Carmen's lingering gaze on him didn't escape my notice.

"Is he a model?" she asked, fluffing her long, thick hair over her shoulder.

"No, a friend," I replied simply.

"Hmm…he should be. He's absolutely delicious." I tried to ignore her bright, mischievous smile as she continued. "Is he single?"

I felt my fists clench involuntarily.

"No."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Jasper and I spoke later, but did not get to see one another. The ache in my heart and my body grew for him, but there was little I could do to quench my need. Thanks to Saturday brunch plans Alice made for us, I wasn't able to see him at all before he left for California.

Nothing could be done about that, so I made it a point to focus on my next step in the Alice situation. Jasper wanted me to leave and move into his apartment by the time he returned. While the thought was thrilling, it also frightened me. We had not discussed specifics. Was it an offer to stay there until I could find another place to live, or did he want me to actually move in with him? Even though I was certain about him, I didn't want to rush things. Really, I hadn't thought about what would happen when I broke up with Alice at all. It made sense that I would be the one to move out, since I was leaving her, but should I get my own place? How long did Jasper plan to stay once the mural was completed? What would happen to us then?

Those thoughts plagued my mind day in and day out for the duration of his trip.

On Saturday night, Alice and I had dinner and drinks with a group of her work colleagues. When we came home slightly tipsy, she pinned me to the bed and covered my mouth with hers. It was impossible not to reciprocate. She was so familiar and beautiful, yet when she stripped down to her lingerie, I couldn't bring myself to do more than caress her tender breasts.

More days passed. Jasper and I spoke when we could, but it was never enough.

I was no closer to breaking things off with Alice. I didn't know how, and avoidance seemed to be working well for me.

On Tuesday, she surprised me with take-out from my favorite Thai restaurant. We sat on the sofa watching a movie and feeding each other pieces of spicy tofu. That turned into a playful food game, which eventually led to making out on the couch. When she went down on me, I didn't try to stop her. I couldn't. She knew my body so well, and the things she did to me were sinful. I knew I would miss that.

I rationalized my actions as a means of saying goodbye to her. It wasn't right or fair, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with everything at the time.

Thursday night was suddenly upon us, and I still had not broached the subject of our relationship. During a heated argument about something stupid like buying regular milk instead of organic, I came very close to calling things off right then and there. It seemed like too much of an easy out for our difficult circumstances, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I fell asleep frustrated, more at myself than her. My only peace was knowing that Jasper would be home in approximately twelve hours.

I woke up early Friday morning – too early – but I could not fall back asleep. My nerves were shot. I was no closer to ending things with Alice, and Jasper would be home soon, expecting to find me moved into his apartment. Showering quickly, I dressed casually and headed to my studio. It was still dark out when I got there, but it was the only place I could go to be alone with my thoughts.

Thankfully, I had no clients coming in today, and I could work on whatever I liked. With all my thoughts on Jasper's return, I found myself leafing through a book of my negatives until I came upon the ones from the night we met. I pulled out the strips I wanted and set to work organizing the darkroom. I filled the sink and trays with their appropriate chemicals and pulled out the paper I would need. The dryer warmed up as I prepared. Once I had everything set up, I turned on the red lights and began my project.

This process was cathartic for me. Each step took care and attention to detail, but it was still something I could do in my sleep. Set negative in the enlarger, make a print, developer, stop bath, fixer, rinse, two runs through dryer. Repeat.

Only this time, there was a single theme to my project.

As I moved the 8x10 print through the developer chemicals, a headshot of a beautiful, light-haired man appeared. God, he was so handsome. Seeing his face in the contrasting shades of gray only made me appreciate his ethereal beauty more.

Things went downhill from there. I worked that way for hours, until a slew of Jasper photographs were splayed out on every open surface in my darkroom. I attempted to print each of the negatives I wanted, but everything that could possibly go wrong did. The exposures were wrong. The paper fogged. I fiddled and fucked with filters a dozen times until the scent of chemicals burned my nostrils and I couldn't go on any longer. I found myself on the darkroom floor with a stack of photos, a few good ones, but most were failed attempts. Heaving sobs wracked my body, dropping hot tears down my cheeks and into my lap. I guarded my new creations, laughing at the irony of my protectiveness.

I had ended up with at least two dozen photos of or including Jasper from the event at the museum. Only one had ever been developed before – a few days after he had dinner with Alice and me. As soon as it was dry, I took one long look at it and tore it to shreds.

Now I surrounded myself with him, agonizing over the bizarre love triangle I had gotten myself into.

It had only been a handful of days, but I missed him. As much as I tried to occupy myself with other things, he was always in the forefront of my mind. Even in the quiet, intimate moments with Alice, he was there, reminding me of my promise.

If I learned anything in our time apart, it was that I could not be without him. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but there would be plenty of heartache to go around. The only comfort I took in my imminent break up with Alice was knowing it would be a difficult, painful thing for me as well. Yet I would have Jasper to comfort me. Who would she have?

Staring at my new photos, I studied the face of the heavenly man I had come to cherish. My fingertips drifted over two-dimensional cheekbones, rounding on a flattened jaw line, and running along the image of puckered lips. Closing my eyes, I imagined the way each of those features felt when it was my skin against his. I remembered his lips on my body, tongue darting out to intensify each suckling kiss. My heart raced as I reminisced about the sensation of his cheek nuzzling against mine. My body grew hot and uncomfortable with the memory of seeing all of him, feeling all of him, being one…in this very room.

The tears wouldn't stop. With each cascade and splash, my resolve grew stronger. I channeled every ounce of strength in my mind and muscles. We could do this. I could make a way for our future together. I was uncertain how it would happen, but it needed to happen. I would never know happiness again until I was in Jasper's arms, completely and wholly _his_.

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**E/N: Quoted song lyrics are from Autobahn by Anberlin. They rock my world.**

**QAF friends will have noticed my little nod to the show. I hope you liked it =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine.**

**Thanks to 4lettrwrd and keepingupwiththekids.**

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JPOV

Bella wasn't answering her phone, and I was going absolutely crazy. I called her the minute I stepped off the plane, hoping I would be able to see her as soon as possible. Twenty minutes later, my luggage had been loaded into a cab and I was on my way home. I called again - no answer. Opening the door to my apartment, I silently prayed that some sign of life would be inside. She hadn't said whether she was staying here or not, but my hopes were high. A defeated sigh blew all the air out of my lungs when I saw that the entire place remained untouched since my departure. Another phone call left me with the same results. In an act of desperation, I called the apartment, hoping that I might find her there. Again, no answer.

_She has to be at the studio. Go!_ My mind played that thought in a loop, beckoning me to seek her until I finally gave up the fight. I grabbed my keys from the counter and took the stairs down to the parking garage.

The drive had been fast, and standing on the sidewalk below Bella's studio, my heart soared. Her car was parked nearby, so I knew she was there.

I'm not sure why, but my hand moved toward the door instead of the buzzer. To my surprise, it was unlocked, an anomaly for Bella. Pushing the door open, I called her name softly, scanning the open space for her slender frame. She was nowhere in sight, but I quickly realized that a light bulb was shining above the door to her darkroom, indicating that the room was in use. She was in there. Approaching the revolving door, I heard the sound of crying and began to panic.

Was she hurt? Sick? What could possibly go wrong in her darkroom that would have Bella sobbing that way?

Rotating the door until the opening faced me, I leapt inside and spun it until I could enter the red-lit room. My eyes took a moment to adjust, but my ears did not. I followed the sound to the floor and was soon able to see her in a heap on the tile.

"Bella? What the hell is going on here? Are you all right? Are you hurt?" I sputtered in a panic.

It took a moment for her to register my presence, but once she did, her arms wound around my neck, pulling me to her. I had been crouching next to her, but the needful violence of her embrace forced me onto my knees. Quickly wrapping my arms around her, I drew her to me, readjusting my position so that I could hold her shaking body in my lap.

"Shh, it's all right, sugar. I'm here," I whispered soothingly. "Tell me what's the matter so I can help you. Please, Bella."

Glancing around the confined space, I searched for something, anything that would give me a clue about her breakdown. Nothing seemed out of place, broken or spilled. Bella wasn't bleeding or screaming, just crying. Finally, my gaze drifted to a number of photographs scattered across the floor. I squinted to see what they could be and was surprised to find a multitude of snapshot of me. Did _I_ make her cry?

"Bella, sweetie, I need you to calm down. If I did something to upset you, I am so, so sorry. Please just talk to me."

Suddenly, her head cocked up at me, brows furrowed and eyes concerned. "Why would I be upset with you?"

"I don't know. You don't answer your phone and then I come here to find you balling over a bunch of pictures of me."

"No! It's not you!" she exclaimed as she wiggled herself around until we were chest to chest, completely tangled up in one another. "I'm the one who did something wrong. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just couldn't…just couldn't do it. I wasn't ready. Please don't hate me!"

"Oh god, Bella, I could never hate you," I told her, planting a firm kiss on the top of her head as she tried to bury her face in my neck. "I'm disappointed, but only because I want you with me all the time. I want to be able to fall asleep and wake up in the same bed with you."

We kissed until all her hysterics had faded away and her heartbeat was calm and even.

"I missed you," she said, leaning her forehead against mine.

"I can tell," I teased, gesturing toward the piles of photos scattered across the floor. "Let's get out of here for a while, yeah?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Two weeks passed, and nothing changed. Yes, Bella and I grew closer, learned more about one another, and reaffirmed our feelings repeatedly, but she still had not ended things with Alice. Unfortunately, there was little I could do about it, so I continued on as the ever-understanding…what was I anyway? Boyfriend? Was there a male word for mistress? Hell, I didn't know what I was, and it sucked. She told me over and over again that it was going to happen soon, but it wasn't my place to push her. So I waited.

One Saturday morning, we got lucky when Alice was off for a spa day. A group of us had reservations at some trendy new restaurant that night, and apparently, Alice wanted to look her best. She had begged Bella come along for massages and seaweed wraps, but a small lie about an appointment got my girl out of it.

We found ourselves in my bed a few hours later, curled up together after trying a few more new positions at Bella's request. We had made our way through her short list and had since moved on to some others she had never attempted. I was definitely not complaining about that.

Her naked body pressed up against mine, smooth, silky and somehow softer than any woman I had ever been with.

"What do you do, bathe in lotion?" I asked as my hand rounded over her perfect little ass. "God you feel so good, Bella."

Her giggled response was enough for me. There was just something about that giggle that always did it for me. Maybe it was the unadulterated joy or the tender innocence in the sound, but it always made my heart skip a beat. As for other parts of me, well, yes, there were _other_ reactions to that sound, too.

"I want to do this with you every day," I mused.

"Fuck me senseless?" she teased.

"Yes, but that's not what I meant," I replied, squeezing the back of her thigh and dragging it over my hip. "I want to be able to be with you like this whenever I want. Will it ever be that way?"

Her eyes squeezed shut, and her chin dipped down into her chest to hide from me. Unfortunately, I was quite familiar with this reaction. It was full of guilt and pain, but never the follow through I craved. Bella's body inched away from mine, but that only caused me to strengthen my hold on her. This conversation needed to happen. She had made me so many promises, but I was still waiting. Yes, I had her body now, but I couldn't completely have her heart until she was mine and only mine. It wasn't as though I could force her into this, so I waited, waited, waited.

Tucking her head into my chest as she began to silently sob, I stroked and kissed her hair.

"Bella, sweetie, you know I don't want you to cry. Will you look up and talk to me?"

The sound she mumbled was a tortured denial to my request, but I persisted, asking repeatedly until she looked up at me. Her eyes were wet and puffy, and the sight of my beautiful girl so upset did awful things to my heart. If a lead weight had been placed on my chest, it would have hurt less than seeing her that way.

"Please, Bella. I just want to understand what's going on here. You keep telling me you're going to do it, but we've made no progress. I told you I would be here for you no matter what. Why won't you let me be here for you?"

Her little hand reached up to caress my cheek, pushing away lines of frustration that must have formed there. "Can't we just get through tonight first?" Slithering against my naked body with her own, she began to roll and slide sensually. A kiss under the curve of my jaw, moving toward my chin...a soft hand dragged from my hip, all the way up my body until it tangled in my hair... "Just tonight, Jasper. I need you. Always. You have to believe me. Don't hate me because I'm so weak and stupid. Don't hate me for making you wait."

I was completely hard again, and my mind could no longer process words and serious thoughts correctly. My mouth found hers, erasing all the unspoken thoughts that had been sitting on the tip of my tongue. We moved together, rocking and rubbing until she was over me, sliding down my cock and giving me the one thing that she could right now.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

My hands fisted beneath the cover of the table for what must have been the hundredth time that night. I breathed heavily through my nose, my nostrils flaring slightly with the force. This night was fucking torture, and there were so many triggers to make me react this way.

Alice lovingly brushing a piece of hair away from Bella's face, carefully tucking the long strands behind her ear.

Alice seeking Bella's opinion on a particular topic of conversation.

Alice smiling at Bella.

Kissing her cheek.

Kissing her erotically disproportional lips.

Stroking her arm.

Holding her hand.

Placing a hand on her knee.

Sliding said hand toward the hem of Bella's skirt.

Smiling.

Laughing.

Loving.

Killing me.

Bella avoided my gaze, presumably because of the obvious way my mood affected her. Each time she saw my stony expression, the sparkle would leave her eyes and the life would escape her laughter. She seemed to enjoy Alice's attention, but when she considered me, her obligatory remorse would return.

I couldn't make sense of any of it. I just had to survive the night.

What the fuck was she doing? What was she planning? Alice obviously didn't notice that anything was amiss with Bella, which meant that things at home must be business as usual where she was concerned. If Bella had hinted that she was unhappy or had made any changes in their relationship, surely Alice wouldn't be so affectionate in public. It was truly no different from the way Alice had behaved before Bella and I gave in to our desire, and that was not a good sign for me.

My fear of losing Bella was in full effect, grating away at my confidence in our future. Deep down in my heart, I knew she wanted and needed me, just as I did her, but we had not made any progress yet. Could she possibly be lying to me? Manipulating me? Using me? That thought turned the crab cakes and wine in my stomach, and I left the table without so much as acknowledging Bella, Alice, or any of our other dinner companions.

After a quick dash to the restroom, I locked myself in a stall and expelled my dinner into the toilet. My mouth was putrid and sour, matching my mood perfectly. I exited the stall, finding myself incredibly grateful for the restroom attendant holding a small bottle of mouthwash and hand towel out for me. I thanked him and tossed a ten-dollar bill in his tip basket. Cleaning up slowly, I prepared to leave the restroom and head straight for my car in the parking lot. Well, until my cell phone chirped in my pocket.

_Are you all right?_

I stared at Bella's message, trying to think of the best way to respond. Finally, I settled on the most honest answer I could find.

_No._

Moments later, my phone chirped again.

_I'm sorry. Please come back._

Even through a telephone and a few simple words, she owned me. I pushed the door open and turned toward our table in the dining room. Bella stared at me with concern, her eyes begging for answers, but it was Alice who asked.

"Jasper, are you feeling okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I lied. "My manager was on the phone."

"Well, all right. I thought maybe you got sick," she said with a soft smile.

"Nope, I'm great." _Lies, lies, lies._

"In that case, why don't you join in the conversation? You've been so quiet all night." Her hand rested over Bella's on the table, but Bella quickly pulled hers into her lap when she saw me staring. "What ever happened with you and Tanya? I haven't seen much of you lately to get an update!"

Glancing at Bella, I saw a look of disdain and maybe even a little possessiveness. Though my woeful expression was directed at my girl, Alice must have taken it as an indication that things had not gone well with Tanya.

"Not good, huh?" she asked. "I thought you two would be so great together, but I guess I was wrong. Sorry for asking."

"No, no, Alice, it's fine," I answered quickly. "It didn't end poorly, we just didn't have that spark, you know? Plus, I'll be leaving the city eventually, so there's really no purpose getting into a long term relationship."

My eyes flickered to Bella, who wore an expression I didn't expect. Tears were welling in her eyes, and I immediately understood what was going though her mind. Could she possible think that applied to her as well?

I shook my head in her direction, trying to dissolve her reaction. When Alice looked away, I gave Bella a quick wink and managed to plaster a small, quick smile on my face. The tension in her body visibly eased, but it still did little for my own discomfort. Alice's hand was back on Bella's thigh. _My_ thigh. Did I have a right to feel possessive of Bella's body? I had no fucking clue which way was up or down anymore, and that was the most aggravating part of all.

Dinner was pretty much awful, but I survived it, escaping to my car as soon as we walked out the doors of the restaurant. I could hear puzzled goodbyes called out behind me, but I only waved a hand over my head to return the sentiments. Getting the fuck out of there was my main priority. I didn't even say goodnight to Bella before leaving.

I probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel given the number of drinks it took to keep me from ripping Bella out of Alice's hold, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Getting home was priority number one.

Once inside my apartment, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the leather sofa. Pulling a blanket from the ottoman and tucking a pillow under my head, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come to me. There was no way I could bring myself to lie in my bed right now – the bed where I had made love to Bella earlier that day. I was too raw and sore right now. I needed to stay away from the memories of her, the mental pictures of her body splayed out across the wide bed, and her succulent scent that drenched my sheets.

Sometime later, the ringing of my phone woke me. The room was dark and blurry, but light of the illuminated screen glowed within my pocket. Shifting until I could get my hand inside, I pulled the phone out and examined the caller ID.

_Bella._

I couldn't ignore it; my heart wouldn't allow that.

"Hello?"

"Hi," she replied meekly.

I lay there silently until she spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Jasper."

"What time is it?"

"Some time after two, I think."

"How are you calling me?"

"Ali is asleep. I'm in the guest bedroom."

I sighed in frustration, raking my free hand over my face as I tried to wake up a little more.

"I'm sorry," she sighed softly.

"Do you even know what you're sorry for?" I asked earnestly. "Are you even aware what was wrong with me tonight?" A hint of angry frustration broke through my tone, causing her to squeak in surprise.

"I…yeah, I get it."

"_No_, Bella. I don't think you do," I pressed. "I want you to say it."

"Okay, so I'm a total bitch for making you sit through dinner while I played happy couple with Alice," she snapped suddenly, but her voice was broken. "What am I supposed to do? Not let her touch me at all? She's my girlfriend!"

"That's the fucking problem, Bella!" I shouted, standing up from the sofa and pacing my living room. "You're supposed to be with _me_. You said that you wanted _me_, yet you're still with her. I feel like we've had this conversation a thousand times. When the fuck are you going to get it? When are you going to realize that this isn't some game to me and that I'm not a toy for your amusement? This affects me so damn much. It was torture to see that tonight."

With the exception of her quiet sobs and sniffles on the other end, the line was silent. Defeated, I fell back to the sofa, resting my elbows on my knees.

"This isn't easy for me, Jasper."

"So I've heard."

"Stop it!" she sob-shouted. "Shit! See, now I'm yelling and I'm probably going to wake her up."

"Then I'll go."

"No, please don't," she begged. "I'm sorry that I keep fucking things up. I'm sorry that I'm a spineless jellyfish over all of this. It kills me to know that I'm hurting you, and it kills me to know that I'm going to hurt Alice when I leave. No matter what I do, I'm the bad guy. Do you have any idea what that's like?"

"Yeah, I do," I countered. "I'm stealing my childhood friend's girlfriend, and I nag you like a housewife about it almost every day."

"Please believe me when I say I have no doubts about us. I'm just having a really hard time doing this. My whole world is changing," she said softly.

Sitting up and running my fingers across the smooth leather surface of the sofa, I knew that I just wanted her. I knew that I _would_ wait and suffer through every ounce of torture, even if it killed me. I belonged to her.

"Come here," I said suddenly. "Just come here and be with me. I can't even sleep in my bed without you. I need you, Bella."

"I need you too."

"Then come to me."

"I can't," she sighed.

"Yes, you can. Put on your shoes and a coat, grab your keys and come here. Be with me."

"It's the middle of the night, Jasper. I'll come first thing in the morning, after you've had some sleep. I can say I'm going to the gym and running errands. We'll have most of the day together."

That was the problem. I didn't want most of the day with her, I wanted all day with her. I wanted every minute, every moment. Feeling resigned and depressed, I lay back down on the sofa and pulled my blanket over my body once more.

"Goodnight, my Bella."

"Oh, um, okay then. Goodnight, Jasper. I miss you. I'll see you first thing in the morning."

I snapped my phone shut and tossed it onto the coffee table with a loud _clunk_. Closing my eyes, I begged sleep to come back to me. Eventually, it did.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Something brushed across my face, sending my hand up to involuntarily swat it away. It happened again, followed by a delicate giggle.

"Open your eyes, sleepyhead."

Bella was here.

Peeling my eyelids open, I pulled her body, which had been kneeling beside me, up onto the sofa with me. She lay awkwardly across my prone form and wiggled around until she was half on top of me, half leaning against the back of the sofa. Her creamy white skin was a striking contrast to the black leather, reminding me of the affection she felt for black and white photography. She fit into my space effortlessly.

Needing to claim her, I attacked her mouth with my own before she was even fully settled. I didn't care that my mouth probably tasted like the inside of a garbage can or that I was still wearing my clothes from the night before. She was here with me, at long last. Better late than never.

"Good morning to you too, baby," she cooed.

My body stiffened immediately. "Don't call me that," I said flatly.

"Call you what?" Her manicured eyebrows pressed together in confusion, but despite her expression, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Baby. Haven't you ever noticed that I don't use that term?"

"Uhh, no, I guess not, but come to think of it…" she trailed off quietly. "That's what Alice and I call each other," she mumbled when it finally clicked.

"Exactly," I affirmed.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" She buried her face in my shoulder, but I pulled her away. "I keep making this worse and worse, don't I?" she said dejectedly.

"Bella," I said, wrapping my arms around her a little tighter and looking into her eyes. "I just want to be with you. You and me, no one else." The sadness and shame in her eyes was heartbreaking, but I knew this needed to be said. "I don't want to share you anymore."

"I know…" she rasped, breaking eye contact.

"The way things are going, I don't know if you're cheating on Alice with me, or if you're cheating on me with Alice. Last night was…" I drifted off. "That made me question what you really want."

For the second time in the last day, I felt the need to vomit. Her body began to quiver against mine until she was crying. With her face hidden in my shoulder, the sound was muffled, but it didn't make it any easier for me to take. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel more pain, but maybe this was what she needed.

I wasn't exaggerating or trying to play with her emotions. Bella had promised herself to me in so many ways, yet it was quite apparent that some form of a physical relationship remained between her and Alice. I couldn't rightfully ask her to stay faithful to me when Alice was technically still her girlfriend, but it didn't feel right for her to be intimate with both of us. If those bonds remained between the two women, would Bella ever be able to follow through with a breakup?

"I'm such a terrible person!" she wailed into my shirt.

I couldn't reply at first. I didn't think she was terrible, but she was still hurting me. Maybe I deserved it for the way we got together.

"Oh my gosh, you can't even deny it! You think I'm awful too!"

"No, Bella," I sighed. "You're not a terrible person. I could never think that way about you. I just want this to be over with already so we can be together."

She sat up awkwardly, and I pulled myself up next to her. Facing one another on the sofa, she met my gaze with bleary, red eyes.

"You said something last night," she began. I listened intently. "When you told Alice about Tanya, you said you would be leaving town soon. What does that mean? Are you going to leave me?"

Pulling her body against mine until she was in my lap, I rocked her lightly, smoothing down her hair and kissing her temple. "No, I don't want to leave you. Peter called me yesterday, and I have an interview at Wainwright University. They want to discuss that professor position with me."

"Jasper, that's wonderful," she said, giving me a genuine but strangled smile.

"Whether I get that position or not, I never planned to be here long after the mural is complete," I explained. "Come with me, Bella. Wherever I end up, I won't be whole without you there with me. You can continue your career practically anywhere. As long as we're together, it won't matter, will it?"

Fresh tears streamed down her face as she pressed her lips to mine once more. I met them fiercely, but not forcefully. Her mouth communicated unspoken thoughts to mine, making promises I wanted to believe. The deepest, strongest feelings we shared were there in a tangle of tongues and moist kisses.

"Yes," she whispered after breaking away. "Yes, I want to be with you. I want to go with you. Whether it's to San Diego or New York or the South Pole, I just want to be with you."

"Yeah?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah," she affirmed with a soft smile.

"Move in with me. Today, tomorrow, I don't care. Let's not wait to start our forever, okay? Be with me."

She nodded fervently. "I'd love to. I'll start packing things. Bringing bits and pieces over here so that it won't be so much all at once when I leave. All right?"

"Yeah…but soon?" I asked, because I _had to._

"Mmmhmm," she hummed. "But for now, I think you could use a shower. I hereby volunteer myself as your official assistant."

"Shower assistant, huh?" I asked, humor finally making its way back to the surface.

"Oh yes, it's a very important job."

"Come to think of it, I could use one of those."

Ten minutes later, we were beneath the hot spray of the shower together, kissing and touching endless drops of water from glistening skin. She looked so beautiful all wet; slick hair plastered back, soft flesh impossibly silkier and smoother in the water. Her eyes were hungry, greedily taking in every inch of my naked body as she made good on her promise to assist in my shower duties. Though she had obviously already taken a shower today, she allowed me to return the gesture, if only for the shameless opportunity to touch every flawless inch of her body.

A new sense of hope had instilled itself in both our hearts. She would go with me, no matter where or what happened, she would be by my side. My heart thrilled at the notion, and I wished there was some way I could fuse our bodies and souls into one being. The sexual connection was spectacular, but the need to bind myself with her in some spiritual way was undeniable.

I was sharply aware of everything we did in that shower, but at the same time, my mind was in a daze. When her mouth descended my torso, pausing at the erection she had incited, I was in absolute fucking Heaven. That is until she stopped.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding furiously. "Sorry…I just…god, I need you to fuck me." Her voice was so low and raspy with need that I was achingly hard.

I spun her around, pushing her toward the wall until her palms laid flat on the tile and her legs spread open just past shoulder width. The curve of her ass jutting out toward me was enough to make me lose control and attack her neck and shoulders with my mouth. My teeth nipped, followed quickly by my tongue and lips massaging those places lovingly. I caressed her pert breasts, luxuriating in the way they rolled in my hands thanks to the warm water. My cock flattened against her ass, rubbing and teasing until she begged me to take her.

Then I froze.

"Fuck," I growled. "No condoms. Let's get out."

I started to back away to turn off the water, but her arm hooked around and grabbed my lower back. "No. I went to the doctor," she told me, looking over her shoulder. "We're good. Everything is good. We don't need them."

In my mind, I was doing a damn happy dance. Leg slapping, hip twirling, arm waving happy dance – something I would never be caught dead doing in real life.

Suddenly, I became an animal. My right hand dipped between her legs, pushing them farther apart as I stroked her lips and flicked her clit. In a matter of seconds, I had her cheeks spread and I thrust inside her gorgeous body.

"Fuuuuuuck, you're so tight like this," I groaned in pleasure.

Her every moan and movement matched mine, calling out a song of pure ecstasy and bliss. I moved slowly at first, sinking into her body little by little, then sliding out until only my tip remained within her. That went on a few times until her ass shoved back, enveloping my cock on one of my strokes. After that, I thrust hard and fast. It was not gentle, but I didn't hurt her. As I pounded away at her, grasping at hips, smooth stomach, shoulders, and breasts for leverage, I couldn't get enough. Her arms tried to maintain their hold, but she repeatedly collapsed against the tile, forearms and forehead leaning into the cool stone.

This was amazing. Being able to feel Bella's body without any barrier between us was infuckingcredible. Her heat and slickness engulfed me. The skin-to-skin contact kept a constant stream of shivers and shocks running through every vein in my body, alighting each nerve with excitement. This was exactly how we should be.

After a while, her legs began to tremble and I knew I would only be able to hold her up a little longer. My release was coming soon, and with her high-pitched "oohs" and "ahhs" reverberating within the shower, it wouldn't take much more.

My fingertips trailed down her smooth stomach, dipping into her navel before pressing into her mound. I circled her sensitive little bundle of nerves frantically, responding to each of her cries with a harder pump into her over stimulated center. She called out my name, legs squeezing together and heightening the deliciously tight grip on my cock as her head hit the tile with a _thud_.

I only took a few moments longer, clenching my jaw and sinking my fingers into her flesh as I released inside her for the first time. As my seed drained into her body, I never wanted to let her go. My primal side filled me with urges to mark her, claim her, and fill her over and over again so that she could bear my children. I felt like a caveman, but I couldn't find it in myself to be ashamed. I wanted all of her, and I wanted that kind of future with her someday.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine. Beta thanks to 4lettrwrd and keepingupwiththekids.**

***Long note alert* This chapter is short – trust me when I say that it doesn't need to be any long than it is. I'm dying to get your feedback on this chapter, so even if you don't normally review, please do, not matter what your opinion! I want to hear it all.**

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**BPOV**

So. Fucking. Amazing.

I had been thoroughly fucked. Well enough that I would probably walk bow-legged for at least a couple hours. Damn, he was incredible.

I never knew sex could be so great with a man. My past had included several men – enough to be pretty knowledgeable about sex – but none of them had ever brought me to the heights Jasper had achieved. The way he touched me was…magical. That is the strangest, cheesiest description I can fathom, but it's completely accurate. There was something about his body on mine that drove me to extremes - extreme ecstasy. Deep inside, I knew it was more than just the sex, though. It was _him_.

Although I lacked a spine and the follow through to do as I promised, I meant every word I said to Jasper. I did want to be with him, there was no doubt in my mind about that. But there was still something fundamentally wrong with the way I was handling things.

Even after our shower, his words echoed in my mind. Was I cheating on Alice or was I cheating on him? If he was the one who held my heart, being with Ali was being unfaithful to him – even if she and I still slept in the same bed.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just have the self-control to avoid intimacy with her or the gumption to be honest about my feelings for Jasper?

I knew my life would change when I crossed that line with Jasper in my darkroom. I knew this situation was not fair to Alice. Now I was treating him just as bad.

Two weeks. Lying in his bed after our shower, I asked him for two weeks to clear out the apartment inconspicuously before I broke things off with her. It would give me the time to formulate a _real_ plan, not this dragging my feet routine I had been following lately. I didn't know if I could do it, but I would avoid having sex with her if it were possible. I could stay faithful to the man who held my future in his hands.

The first few days that week were spent pulling boxes from closets and the crawl space while Alice was at work. My own work only allotted me a few hours at home each day, but thankfully, Jasper came over and helped me when he could. Boxes of off-season clothing, excess books, and other knick-knacks were stacked along the wall in Jasper's spare-room-turned-studio. I never realized how much shit I owned until then.

My heart swelled when he cleared room for my clothes in his closet and dresser. We wouldn't be here much longer, but it would be my home – with Jasper – until we decided where to move. The thought of relocating with him was thrilling, just the two of us starting fresh with no more distractions or obstacles.

Shying away from romantic moments with Alice was easier than I had imagined. All the time spent hauling boxes from one apartment to the other meant later hours in my studio playing catch up everyday. Ironically, I became hyperaware of my physical attraction to her, as I played _look but don't touch._ Her lingerie seemed skimpier and sexier. The lithe lines of her narrow body were more appealing than ever, calling me to run my hands or tongue across her tight midriff. But I didn't. I wanted to stay true to Jasper.

To make matters worse, Jasper and I did not have a single opportunity to do more than kiss and hug. The time we had normally spent sneaking in intimate moments during the day was now devoted to making progress on the move. To top it all off, he had to take a two day trip to San Diego during the second week for his interview at the university.

I was so flipping sexually frustrated that I wanted to rip my hair out by the roots. Who would have thought that someone with two lovers could be this deprived?

_Probably some sort of karmic fuckery._

Thankfully, the weeks passed fairly quickly, and it was soon the second weekend. The photographs from the trip I had taken after the Tanya incident had finally been published, and Alice insisted that we go out to celebrate. She had invited Jasper and a few of our other friends, so there was no way I could get out of it.

My plan had been to break up with her on Saturday, but when she decided we were going out Friday night, I feared my schedule might get pushed back a day or two.

Jasper actually understood, agreeing that I deserved to be celebrated. I hated the unnecessary attention they were lavishing on me, but one final night of fun was the least I could do for Alice.

As if I wasn't going to salivate over him enough already, Jasper showed up at our apartment in pair of trim charcoal gray pants and a form fitting, black ribbed sweater. The choice of attire accentuated his height, the wide set of his shoulders and the toned muscles all along his torso. He was too hot to even describe.

Alice was no better. Swathed in a deep purple wrap dress, her humble cleavage was on display, as well as her slim legs.

My girly bits cried from within my panties, weeping for some form of stimulation and release. I knew it would be a long night from the moment we sat down to dinner. The eye fucking they were both giving me was hell. I was honestly surprised that I didn't jump one of them on the walk from the restaurant to the bar. I coped by keeping my martini glass refilled immediately after draining each drink.

Despite all the sexual tension, I actually had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone. Mass consumption of alcohol helped dull the awkwardness, though I wasn't sure if I was getting sloppy accepting bits of affection from both Jasper and Alice. If subtle touches and grazing legs were all I was going to get, I would greedily take them.

Eventually, everyone else from our party left for the night, and it was just the three of us. Sitting between them at the bar, we laughed about things I couldn't remember minutes later, and Alice and Jasper swapped high school memories and gossip.

"I have some news to share," Jasper said at one point. Alice and I both looked at him expectantly. "I've been offered a professorship in San Diego. I'll be moving in a few weeks once I get the mural finished."

Part of me wanted to jump up and kiss my congratulations all over his face, and it killed me that I couldn't. The other part of me was confused and hurt that he hadn't told me sooner.

"Oh my gosh! That's so wonderful! Congratulations!" Alice exclaimed before I could respond.

I smiled at him, repeating a similar sentiment. "Why didn't you say something before?" I added quietly.

"I just got the call before coming to dinner. I didn't want to overshadow your celebration tonight," he said. "You deserve to be honored for your art, Bella."

The look of adoration was evident in his eyes, and I was afraid Alice would see it. When I turned my stool toward her, I understood how she had missed it. Sitting on the bar in front of us were three shots each.

"What's this?" I asked, giving her a questioning look.

"Celebratory shots, of course!" she giggled. I knew that laugh. She was already drunk, and there was no denying her this.

"Shots it is!" Jasper laughed, holding up the first in example.

I picked mine up, and after a group toast, we threw back the liquor quickly. The next two shots followed almost immediately, with several more appearing on the bar before I could protest. Once we had our fill, Alice wanted to dance, but I needed to use the restroom first.

On my way out, I was pulled back into the dark hall where a large set of hands held my face against velvet lips. Jasper's decadent scent filled my nostrils and sent all my better judgment packing. I was too drunk and horny to care anymore. I didn't even stop him when his hand skimmed up my thigh and pushed my underwear aside. The thrill of being caught in such a compromising position only made the entire exchange hotter. He fingered me eagerly and skillfully, bringing my deprived body to climax in barely a minute.

"Fuck, Bella. I miss you so much." He dipped his head down, staring into my eyes. With a seductive grin, he stuck his fingers in his mouth, tasting what he had done to me. I nearly came again.

"You have no idea," I groaned, trying to put some space between us. "Soon, sweetie. We're almost there, and when we are, I'm going to give you the congratulations you deserve." With those words, my hand slipped between us, giving his hard-on a firm squeeze. "I'd better get back out there. I'll see you in a minute." I kissed him one last time and turned away.

After a few deep breaths, I returned to the bar with Alice. That quick release had been amazing, but it only seemed to fuel my desire more.

_What a fucked up night._

As soon as I sat, Alice turned my stool toward hers, gripping my hair between her fingers and attacking my mouth. Stunned, I responded to her thin, delicate lips and her baby soft tongue. She was so comfortable and familiar that I easily got lost in our kiss.

A deep throat cleared behind us, dragging me back to reality. My eyes turned to Jasper cautiously, fearing the anger and betrayal I thought would be there. But he didn't look mad. He looked…aroused. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I kissed Alice one last time before ordering another round of shots. As if my lack of inhibition and I needed another drink.

Alice pulled us both to the dance floor as _When Doves Cry_ blasted over the speakers. The sensual tone of the song made my hips glide from one side to the other, arms snaking above my head and then trailing down over my hair and my breasts. Alice ended up in front of me, arms wrapped around my neck as her hips pressed into mine. Jasper was behind me, hands on my waist, guiding my movements as his obvious arousal ground into my back. If Alice noticed the way he bit my ear when he whispered to me, she didn't say anything.

It was sensory overload, being so close to both of them at once. Every touch was safe for the dance floor, but still suggestive and electric. Jasper's fingertips skimmed up my arms and his hot breath fanned over my neck as Alice's chest brushed mine lightly. Their scents together were a heady mixture of everything I knew and wanted at once. Dirty, impossible scenarios ran through my liquor-laden mind, things that could never possibly happen but would be so fucking...amazing.

We continued dancing that way until our faces glowed with perspiration, playfully switching positions a few times. It always ended with me sandwiched in the middle, accepting the attention of the two people who knew exactly where and how to touch me to drive me wild with need.

When the bar closed, we were all still riding high and having fun. It was obvious that none of us wanted the party to stop.

"Drinks at our place?" Alice suggested, and we set off in that direction.

A short while later, I was putting music on in the living room, dancing around with my shoes off while Jasper and Alice huddled on the couch, discussing something in hushed voices. Under normal circumstances, I would have wondered what they were up to, but the mass quantities of liquor had depleted my ability to care. I was drunk, happy, and free.

"Bella, come sit with us," Alice beckoned, scooting over and patting the empty space between her and Jasper. I flopped down, turning to face Alice for an explanation.

"Since we're celebrating you tonight, I had an idea," she told me. One of her hands moved up and down my bare thigh as she spoke. I was absently aware that Jasper was running his knuckles over my spine. The dual sensations made my head swim even more as Alice continued. "I can tell that you miss being with men sometimes, so...I want to give you a little present."

"Present?" I asked gulping.

Her head tipped toward Jasper with a suggestive grin.

I tensed up, completely afraid that she knew something but also unbelievably turned on by the idea of being with them at the same time. In my current state, it was the greatest fucking idea I had ever heard.

"How would you like to be with both of us, Bella?" Jasper rasped in my ear. I shuddered involuntarily as his breath tickled my neck.

"Together."

"Mmmhmm," he hummed.

"Both of us loving your beautiful body," Alice added, attaching her mouth to my exposed shoulder between words. "Let this be my gift to you, baby. Just this once."

I was powerless.

Was it even possible to say no to an offer like this?

As it turned out, my response wasn't necessary. Jasper unzipped my dress as Alice tugged my panties down and off my legs. Pulling me up, my dress was shed and Jasper carried me to the bedroom, kissing me as he walked. Time passed faster than I could recall, and we were suddenly all naked together on the bed.

There was so much kissing...so much touching. If Alice and I were locked in an embrace, Jasper's hands and mouth were exploring my body. When I turned to him, Alice would take over where he left off, teasing and lighting fires all over my skin.

It was unbelievably intense. By the time my foggy mind could register what they were each doing, something new and exciting was happening to me. All their attention was focused solely on pleasuring me, never one another. I was a goddess tonight, and they were my loving minions.

Jasper laid me on my back, kissing down my body and stopping at the juncture of my legs to lavish my sex with ample attention. Alice leaned over my mouth, groping my breasts and kissing me. I pushed her onto her back next to me, keeping our mouths locked together from a slightly different angle as my hips bucked under Jasper's mouth. I found his free hand and placed it on Alice's belly before returning my fingers to her nipples. He hesitated only for a moment, glancing up at me as I nodded down at him with a coaxing grin.

"No," Alice muttered in protest.

"Just feel, Ali," I encouraged. "Close your eyes and just feel. Feel good."

I could tell when she gave in, allowing him to continue, because she was moaning into my mouth and writhing on the bed with me. The whole experience was exhilarating, being with both of them this way. It was greater than any fantasy I could have imagined, and everything felt so fucking incredible.

I came first, thanks to Jasper's talented mouth, and sat up at Alice's side. I kissed Jasper passionately as my fingers replaced his inside her pussy and he stroked her clit. The combined stimulation sent her over the edge, calling out her climax loudly.

We were a tangle of bodies for some immeasurable amount of time, rolling and maneuvering to kiss and touch all over. Alice and Jasper didn't interact again, instead giving all their attention to me.

Alice sat back, saying she wanted to watch my pleasure. It took no time before Jasper was over me, not hesitating when he slid deep inside my body. I joyfully accepted him, smiling in relief. It had been too long, and the erotic memories of our shower sex had been eating away at my mind for nearly two weeks. My legs wrapped around his narrow waist, the way I knew he liked, and my ankles crossed behind his back. He knew exactly how to move to bring out the cries of ecstasy he wanted to hear. I gripped his shoulders, lifting my hips off the bed to feel him impossibly deeper.

I was so lost in him that I forgot where we were and what we were really doing. Our eyes locked as he pumped in and out, silently saying all the things we couldn't verbalize under the circumstances. I finally pulled myself into reality, reluctant as I was to break our connection.

I instructed Alice to lie down as I kissed her body, pausing to lavish attention upon her breasts before continuing to her wet pussy. Licking away at her, I positioned myself for Jasper to stand at the edge of the bed and take me from behind. He drove into me with great force, hitting the most sensitive places while I made Alice scream for me. When Jasper thrust hard, my face would be forced deeper into her center. As she neared the edge, I sucked her, flicking my tongue rapidly until she burst beneath me. I directed one of Jasper's hands to my clit, guiding him until I had two successive orgasms – the first sharp and quick from his outer handiwork, the second long and hard from the rough thrusts into that pleasure center. My climax must have fueled his because moments later he smacked my ass and drove into me with one final, grunting push. He spilled within me, and it felt so good to hold that piece of him in my body.

Groggily, I collapsed on the bed, sliding up the mattress to the pillows. I kissed Alice first and then Jasper. They enveloped my body as I lay between them. That was the last thing I remembered of that crazy, hazy night.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine. Beta thanks to 4lettrwrd and keepingupwiththekids.**

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**JPOV**

A warm body pressed against mine, rousing me from my sleep. Without opening my eyes, I knew it was my Bella. Her sweet honey fragrance invaded my nostrils with each breath I took. I hummed appreciatively, wrapping my arms around her a little tighter to hold her close to me. My morning "friend" rested against her backside, giving her an anxious _hello._

My head ached a bit, but the way she invaded my senses overpowered that slight discomfort. Keeping her back against my chest and our legs tangled, my hand began to wander absentmindedly. My palm smoothed over her arms, trailing down her side, over soft curves, and across her firm thighs. Many paths were taken as the back of my fingers stroked her cheek, fingertips caressed her delicate neck, and a splayed hand massaged her breasts.

Somewhere in my reverie, my mind registered that this was the first morning we had ever woken up together, and it was blissful. She wriggled and breathed in short gasps, slowly waking up as I paid homage to her body, her ass consequently stroking my erection.

Without thinking twice, I rolled her to me, shifting to hover over her. It was the first time I had opened my eyes since waking, and all I could see were sparkling brown eyes and a breathtaking smile. Positioning myself quickly, I rubbed against her to ensure she was ready. Her slick heat was my confirmation, and I guided myself into her sweet heaven.

We rocked together slowly, and though it felt amazing to me, she was practically silent. Peering into her eyes, I realized that she now looked distressed, a complete change from that smile I had seen moments earlier. I stilled my movements.

"What's wrong?" I asked, stroking her cheek with my thumb.

"Are you still asleep? Look around!" she whisper-yelled hoarsely.

Turning my attention to the bed and room we were in, I finally understood. We were not in my apartment. This was not my bed.

Foggy memories of the previous night flooded my mind. Drinking with Bella and Alice. Coming back to the apartment with them. Alice's wicked suggestion that I was far too gone to pass up. The indescribably amazing sort-of-threesome.

"Oh god…did we really…?" I trailed off nervously.

Bella bit her lip and nodded in response to my unfinished question.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, my eyes darting around the room.

"Shower."

"Fuck…" I grumbled. I tried to pull away so that we could get dressed, but Bella wrapped her arms and legs around me, holding my body in place.

With a lift of her hips, she begged me to continue. "Please don't stop. You feel so good. We'll just have to go fast."

Hesitating only for a moment and not giving myself time to consider the risk, I began rocking against her, pumping with insistent need. We bit back any cries that tried to escape our mouths, and for once, I was grateful that we both got off quickly.

Collecting my thoughts, I kissed her once and slid away so that we were no longer touching. It was the only way I could focus and think clearly. Coming back to reality, I knew we had to talk about last night.

"God, this is such a mess. How the fuck did that happen?" I asked, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"Good question," she said sarcastically. "What do we do now?"

Taking a deep breath, I rolled to face her. "Nothing, Bella. We laugh it off as drunken craziness and stick to the plan to break up with her this weekend – after I leave."

"Do you seriously think she's going to react well when she finds out about us? Especially after that?" Her face was now panic-stricken.

She was right. This was awful, and we were both total assholes with essentially no self-control around one another. Our quickie just minutes before was proof of that fact. Still, we needed a plan, even if it made us even worse people than we already were. "Don't tell her. We're leaving town soon. She doesn't need to know."

Before she could protest, the bathroom door opened and Alice walked out. She stared blankly at us, presumably because we were still lying in bed together naked. I could see how that would seem strange to her.

"Uh, morning," Bella mumbled, her cheeks flushing with color.

Alice's response was devoid of emotion. "I'm going to make some coffee." With that, she was out the door.

"I'm going to shower. You can use the guest bathroom," Bella said. "Let's just get through this."

Fifteen minutes later, I walked into the kitchen just as Bella was sitting down at the island. I poured a cup of coffee, sitting two seats down from Bella. Alice stood across from us on the other side.

"Soooo…I think I could use another eight hours of sleep, huh?" I said uneasily, breaking the silence.

Bella hummed in agreement, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, cut the shit. How long has this been going on?" Alice spat suddenly.

Face pale, Bella feigned confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You two fucking! Do I need to spell it out? How. Long. Have. You. Been. Fucking?"

"Alice, last night got a little out of hand, but we were all really wasted," I said defensively. She wasn't wrong, but she didn't need to know that. Things could only go downhill if the truth came out right now. "I'm sorry if you're upset about it this morning, but that wouldn't have happened if you didn't suggest it."

_And I'm officially the biggest douche-fuck-lying-scum alive._

I watched, dumbfounded, as Alice raised her coffee cup by the handle and smashed it against the counter. It shattered, sending shards of ceramic and brown fluid all over the island and floor. Bella jumped out of her stool, slapping a hand over her mouth and whimpering. Unable to move, I sat stalk still and watched the scene unfold.

"Screw you both!" Alice shrieked, pointing a stiff finger at us. "Do you think I'm stupid? I honestly believed that you were just friends, but I was so _blind_! How did I miss this?"

I wanted to look at Bella, to check on her, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Alice and this carnage. She obviously did not believe our story, and this was going to get worse before it ever had hopes of getting better. Much worse.

"You!" she yelled, pointing at me again. "I bring you into my life, introduce you to my friends, and this is what you do?"

I cringed at the accusation. It was all true, which I already knew. It didn't feel good to hear it aloud.

Regardless of the truth, I couldn't acknowledge or affirm her words. Everything was happening so fast, and I was completely dumbstruck.

She turned on Bella, both with tears streaming down their cheeks. Alice's were out of frustrated rage; Bella's of horrified shame.

"I knew I shouldn't have been with someone who fucked men. We never should have even dated, but I really thought you would be different. You're a fucking joke, Bella, just like every other 'bisexual.'" Her hands formed cynical air quotes as she rolled her eyes at the thought.

"Alice, listen," Bella began, but Alice would not allow her to speak.

"No! I won't listen to you! To either of you! You're liars and cheaters and I hate you both!" she shrieked. I silently hoped that their neighbors were not home to hear all of this. "I want you to admit it. Say it out loud. Say that you are both despicable cheaters!"

"Alice!" I shouted, unable to deal with what she was doing to Bella any longer. "You need to chill the fuck out." I lowered my voice, trying in vain to bring some calm to the situation. "Why don't we start with last night so you can explain how the fuck that happened, all right?"

She tried to protest, but after seeing what an inconsolable mess Bella was, she backed off and gave in to my request. It was clear that, despite all her anger and hurt, she felt a twinge of remorse for making Bella more upset.

"I don't know!" she sobbed, her tears taking a sadder turn, accompanied by loud sniffles. "I was so drunk, and I just wanted to keep you smiling like that," she directed to Bella. "You haven't been yourself lately, but when we were dancing you just looked so…god, the look on your face being in the middle…It's the stupidest idea I've ever had, but to see you let go and so turned on was…beautiful."

Bella's tears turned silent, but shaky sobs still wracked her body. With one hand over her mouth, her shoulders bounced up and down, making her appear haggard and weak.

"At first, it was exactly what I hoped for. It didn't even matter that you were with someone else because you were so into it, and everything happened so fast. I wanted to let go with you and enjoy seeing you like that. We've been so disconnected lately, and I would do anything to make you happy."

It was apparent that this was getting more difficult for Alice. Her words were broken and lacked her normal eloquence. She wasn't the bubbly, optimistic woman we both knew. This person was defeated, depressed, and heartbroken.

All I could do was watch it unfold like a deer caught in the headlights.

What had we done? I wanted to blame someone for this epic mess. I wanted to blame Alice for buying those first shots and suggesting that damn threesome. I wanted to blame Bella for staying with Alice for weeks and weeks after she said she would leave. I wanted to blame myself for not having the willpower to walk away the moment I discovered that Bella was Alice's girlfriend.

My wants were pointless. We were _all_ to blame. Each of us had made mistakes, and the chain of events that led us here no longer mattered. We could not change what we had done; we could only move forward.

I sat in continued silence as Alice spoke again, my stomach in tight, painful knots born of guilt and stress.

"I didn't want to believe it when I realized. I tried to convince myself that it was just the booze and the heat of the moment, but I knew what I was seeing." She rubbed her hands over her face, shoving tiny fists into her eyes to stop tears or quench her anger, I couldn't tell. "You were too comfortable, too familiar. It wasn't a woman who hasn't been with a man in years or a guy being cautious about safety or an audience. I saw lovers, not drunk friends."

"Then why did you let it keep going?" Bella shouted suddenly. Her words made me jump at the surprise.

"I don't know!" Alice exclaimed, burying her face in her hands. "Maybe a part of me knew I was losing you, and I wanted one last good thing together."

We all sat in silence as the minutes ticked by. No one really met anyone else's eyes as the moments passed, each becoming more awkward than the last.

"I need you guys to admit it," Alice eventually whispered. "Just say it out loud."

Bella whimpered, as if in pain, but I shook my head at her.

"_Please,_" Alice begged.

The crumbling expression on Bella's face told me she was giving in. "It's true," she said almost inaudibly.

"How long?" Alice asked unemotionally.

Now that it was out there, I didn't hesitate going to Bella to comfort her. I stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her shaking form and trying to take away some of the pain and stress.

"A while," I answered for us.

"When?" Alice pressed through a ferocious locked jaw.

"After my trip," Bella answered. "I didn't know how to tell you." Her voice was quivering so much that I could barely believe she'd gotten the words out at all.

"I trusted you! I trusted both of you!" Alice yelled, her volume rising again. "Get out! _Get out_!"

"Ali…"

"No! I want you both the fuck out of my home! You want to be together? Go be together somewhere else!" Tears returned with a force that must have been blinding, but she didn't push them away. When she stood, looking as dangerous as an angry bear, I pulled Bella to her feet and toward the door. "I hate you both! I hate you for this, Bella! I knew you would do this to me. I _knew_ this would happen when you got tired of playing lesbian. Now get out of my apartment you fucking slut!"

Bella tried to protest, but no words came. She was falling apart in my arms, and I needed to get her away from this train wreck immediately.

Scooping her up off the stool, I carried her out to my car, grateful that I met the girls here last night before walking with them to the nearby restaurant. After gently placing her in the passenger seat, I kissed her forehead and went back into the building. Once inside the apartment, I went to the bedroom and found Bella's purse, jacket, and a pair of running shoes. Before I could get back to the hall, Alice was in front of me, pounding her tiny fists on my chest, screaming curses and words of loathing.

"I'm sorry," I said softly before sidestepping and making my way back to the car.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

This was a mess. A fucking _mess_. Alice knew, Bella was a basket case, and oh god, I had _touched_ Alice. What the hell was wrong with me? Bella wanted me to do it, so I did, but it was still a little crazy to think that I had gotten two women off at the same time. The college version of myself would be patting me on the back right now, but shit, I'm not a kid anymore and this wasn't some random hook-up after a kegger. This was my bisexual lover and her lesbian girlfriend doing things while I watched, and then me doing things to both of them…me and Bella doing things to Alice together…Alice watching us fuck…Bella going down on Alice while I fucked her…

_Shit._

No alcohol again. Ever. Sign me up for AA.

Hell if that wasn't hot, though.

I couldn't deny it. As much as I wanted to despise that entire experience, I was having a hard time. It was every man's fantasy brought to life on a king size bed. That whole experience was absolutely out of control, but controlling myself was not a possibility once we were in the thick of it. Seeing Bella so unhinged, caught up in such unadulterated ecstasy was beautiful and hot and my complete undoing.

It was then that I realized how alike Alice and I truly were. We would both do anything for the woman we loved, even if it meant sharing her.

_Whoa, wait. Back the fuck up…_

_Woman we loved…_

Did I? Could I?

How could I not?

What started as lust the night at the museum turned into a unique friendship and kinship. Though wracked with sexual tension, that time laid the foundation for our relationship. It gave us the opportunity to learn about and understand one another. Since we got together, sex had definitely become a regular part of our time, but it wasn't everything. It was an expression of our need for one another and the feelings we shared, but it was not the reason we were together. Months had passed in the cumulative duration of our relationship. It wasn't an unfathomable way to feel.

God, yes, I love her. I wasn't sure that I was ready to verbalize it at this time, yet it was still there, lying beneath the surface and growing stronger with each day. We had already shared our feelings in other ways – we were willing to break up her three-year relationship and she was moving to a new city with me. We were in it for the long haul.

This just didn't seem like the right time for that kind of declaration. We had a lot of turmoil to deal with first.

Bella was silent on the drive to my apartment, save for a few sniffles and sobs along the way. She looked so fragile curled up in the seat with her head resting against the window. I knew it couldn't be a comfortable position, but I did not interrupt whatever she was thinking. She needed to deal with what happened in her own way, and then we could figure out how to make it right together.

A horrible fear struck me as I drove. Bella was extremely upset by what had occurred. Having Alice find out this way was…there just were not words for this kind of situation. In so many ways, it was like a bad sitcom, but without any of the humor. Only real life could be this unbelievable. My mouth grew dry as I considered the possibility of Bella freaking out and leaving me. I wasn't sure, but I didn't believe she would go back to Alice. She might just be guilt-ridden enough to abandon both of us. In a way, I knew I deserved to be left alone and heartbroken after what I had done, but I clung to the hope that she would see the potential for our relationship and stick with me.

I began formulating a plan in my mind. Things I would say to Bella if she thought she should leave me. Things I would do to stop her if she tried. There was absolutely no way I could let her go. I needed this woman like I needed air and water. She was beautiful and kind, an inspiration, a muse, and the single person I had ever known who truly understood me. I had known many other artists and my fair share of women over the years, but none ever had the power over me that Bella possessed. No one in the history of my life had made me think the things she did or aspire to be the kind of man she made me want to be.

No, there was absolutely no way I could allow her to leave me. I didn't know for sure if she would try or if it was just my own fear creating such possibilities in my mind, but I would never, ever allow it.

"Say something," I pleaded softly as we neared my apartment. This kind of homecoming should be a grand celebration, not a time for mourning. She was finally coming with me to my home – _our_ home – and I needed it to be a good thing.

"What am I supposed to say?" she wailed. "How am I supposed to feel right now, Jasper?"

"I don't know. I don't know, but we're together. Doesn't that count for something?"

A humorless laugh fell from her lips. "I…I'm the most terrible person in the world."

"You're the farthest thing from that," I insisted. "Stop thinking that way because it's not true."

Our conversation paused when I pulled into the parking area. We exited the car in silence, and when she reached for her personal items, I took them from her. I wrapped my free arm around her body and guided her toward our new life.

Once we made it through the door, I dropped everything just inside the doorway and hugged her. I kept her body close to mine, hoping that by holding her this way she would feel and understand my unspoken love and support. I didn't expect her to be happy right now, but I needed her to be with me – mentally and physically.

I guided her toward my – _our_ – bedroom and pulled back the blankets on the bed. Standing face to face, I lifted her onto the mattress and removed her jeans. She tried to protest, obviously misunderstanding my intentions, so I silenced her while I finished my task. After tossing my pants on the floor next to hers, I moved us back into a comfortable position and tugged the blankets around us in a warm, tight cocoon. Wrapping my arms, legs, and heart around this beautiful woman, I gave myself to her. I submitted my life and future to this person I could no longer live without. She was mine. She had to be mine.

I waited. And waited.

I ran my hands over her body reverently, feeling each slope and curve that I had already memorized but still needed to touch. My intentions were not to seduce her, though she shivered under my hands several times. With each sweep of my fingertips on her cheeks and neck, I communicated unspoken words of devotion. Every time my breath fanned across her skin, I laid my life down at the altar of Bella, a sacrifice in hope of her love. When I held her against me and felt her chest rise and fall, it was done in an act of worship.

If my arms could soothe her or if my presence could mend her broken heart, I would give her anything. I didn't need sex; I just needed to hold her. Always.

Still, I waited, and finally, she spoke to me.

"Do you want to know what the worst part is?" She answered her question without waiting for my reply. "I wanted that so bad. It was incredible. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I had both of you with me, both of you loving me, both of you for me to touch and please. I _loved_ it. Every single moment, Jasper." The more she went on, the more self-deprecating her tone became. "All I could think about was how good it felt. It was so incredibly selfish of me. I _used_ you. How can you not hate me for that? It was…I knew you wouldn't want her, and I knew she wouldn't want you, but I still did it. I _forced_ it. Being drunk didn't matter. I just wanted both of you and that is what makes me such a heinous excuse for a girlfriend!"

I allowed her a few minutes for the tearless sobs against my chest. She clung to me so tightly, burying her face in the crook of my neck in such a way that I thought she might be trying to crawl into me and hide. Through it all, I held onto her.

"I'm never letting go," I whispered into her hair, despite my words being somewhat out of context. I simply needed her to know. "I'm here. You dismantle me, Bella, but you're also the only one who can repair me."

She fell asleep a short time later, but it was a fitful slumber. When I loosened my grip, she tossed and turned, murmuring unintelligible words and frequently emitting little sobs or cries. I attempted to rest with her – God knows I needed it – yet sleep would not come to me. My mind was too consumed by everything that had happened and all the things she had said to me.

Little by little, I unwound our bodies and she eventually settled enough for me to crawl out of bed. I went into the room that housed all my art supplies and began to work. Blending gobs of paint, I created new, unique colors and smeared them across canvas in abstract lines. In silence, I created a cluster of dark hues and undefined forms. With each stroke, I questioned the placement, but relied on the rawness and vulnerability of my current emotional state to guide me. The finished product was strange and beautiful, mostly deep and dark, but with a single swirl of brightness. My hope.

Covered in paint and sweat, I stared at the newly decorated canvas for an immeasurable amount of time. There was no way to describe how or what it made me feel. All the answers were there in front of me. I had exorcised my demons and immediately felt their weight lifting. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief just as I felt a pair of narrow arms wrap around my waist and press her body against my back. Bella's cheek rested between my shoulder blades, and she hummed in quiet acceptance.

For the moment, we were okay.

As I turned to her, I repeated the same words I had spoken our first time together. "I can't let you go, Bella. I'll never let you go."

"Never," she whispered back to me.

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**E/N: There was another nod to Anberlin, taken from their song **_**Dismantle. Repair.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine. Beta thanks to 4lettrwrd and also rachael1042 who played pinch-hitter on this.**

**The lemon in this chapter is probably my favorite I've ever written. Follow the link to the photo that sparked & inspired it (which I thank the wonderful mskathy for originally finding). I warn you that there is nudity, so don't open it at work or in front of the kids! **http :// weheartit . com/entry/216507 (remove the spaces) and this: http :// weheartit . com/entry/224049

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**BPOV**

I was such a fucking idiot. Did I seriously believe that having a threesome could be a good idea? Uh, no. There is simply no way that those kinds of things ever turn out well, especially when they are initiated under the influence of copious amounts of liquor. There may be people out there who are into swinging and all that other kinky shit, but that's not me. _Is it?_

Fuck if it didn't feel like I died and went to Heaven, though.

I kept trying to remind myself that it was Alice's idea first, and that she made the suggestion to Jasper and he agreed. They _both_ wanted to do it before ever asking me, so couldn't I blame them?

No, I couldn't, and I was an awful bitch for every thinking that. I could have said no. I should have said no, but being the gluttonous whore that I am, I took everything they were willing to give me. Great, now I can add that to my ever-increasing list of flaws. Cheating, lying, being completely selfish, lacking a spine, hurting people I love, and actively participating in depraved sexual acts.

_Quite a résumé I'm creating for myself._

Some of my worst guilt came from how much I loved it. Just thinking about Jasper and Alice both rubbing, kissing and touching my body at the same time was enough to make me shudder with delight. To feel him inside me while I tasted Alice…taking my mind down that path again was not a good idea. It was absolutely, positively the most blissful think I had ever experienced, but it was so unbelievably wrong. And to think, I forced Jasper to touch Alice. I knew full well that he didn't want her, and I knew equally well that she would not be interested in a man touching her, but I made them bend to my will anyway. Some sick part of me just wanted Alice to understand how amazing Jasper could make her feel. All the same, I wanted Jasper to know Alice's body like I do.

_Shit, I'm surely going to Hell for this._

It was all so surreal. I had been with men and women in my past, but never at the same time. Never anything remotely close to that.

When Jasper and I woke up and Alice wasn't there, I almost forgot the gravity of our situation. I knew I was in my own bed with Jasper, but there was still a fog laying over my mind, whether it be from alcohol or the sex high. The way he was touching me was so euphoric. It was the first time we had ever spent the night together, and that kind of thing should have been perfect. I was lost in him until he trapped me under his warm, hard body and claimed me, yet even then, we couldn't bring ourselves to stop. Alice could have come out at any moment, but it didn't even matter.

Of course, the shit hit the fan almost instantly.

It was pointless for us to try to deny what was going on with me and Jasper. She said that she could see it in the way we were intimate together, and there was no doubt in my mind that it was true. I had studied Jasper's face and expressions during so many sexual encounters, and I knew that adoration and intensity well. I imagined that I was a mirror to him, completely unhindered in my drunken state.

There was so much yelling and crying after that. It felt as though we were inside a glass box, the noises reverberating and plugging up my ability to hear properly with all the contrasting sounds. At the same time, there were moments where I felt like I was having an out of body experience, drifting above the scene and watching each player from a third person point of view.

I could remember ever single word that was spoken – or screamed – but I did not want to keep those images and accusations in my mind. They needed to be washed away if I could ever find peace and calm again, but there was no way to make it all disappear. I had never wished for a re-do on life more than I had in those moments.

What would I change, though? Would I go back and say no to the ménage a trios, or would I go back further? To break up with Alice instead of vacillating and putting it off for so long? Further still? Would I have stayed with her, never getting involved with Jasper in the first place? No, that thought was too painful to bear.

The fact remained that I had to live with my choices, each and every one of them. What's done is done, and now I needed to face the consequences. I wanted Jasper, but I was making him wait on me. He was more patient than I deserved. What did that say about him and how he felt about me? What did it say about how willing I was to take advantage of his patience?

Had I ended my relationship with Alice after my first time with Jasper, or even before, when I was considering it, this never would have happened. But it did.

In response to all my guilt and anger at myself, I decided to do what seemed the most logical: mope, sob, and hide within myself.

Being the wonderful man that he is, Jasper gave me exactly what I needed. He listened, he held me, he didn't push or lay blame. The way he held me and touched me when we got to his apartment was sweet and comforting, which was so much more than I deserved. The frightening part was that I sensed something else in the way he held me; something that wasn't good. Would he abandon me now? I really couldn't blame him if this fiasco finally made him realize what a mess I am and that I'm not worthy or deserving of someone as wonderful as Jasper Whitlock. I was so scared.

As he has a way of doing, he seemed to sense my need and provide the assurance that I desired most; not in words, but through our physical bond. As long as he stayed close to me, I was less afraid.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I woke, it was dark outside, and Jasper was not in bed with me. That immediately made me tense and distressed, but I knew he couldn't have gone far. This was his apartment, after all.

I laid there for a long while thinking and contemplating. There was nothing I could do to change the way things had happened. Alice now knew that Jasper and I were together, even if it was the absolute last way I ever intended for her to find out the truth. From here we needed to move forward. This could only work if Jasper and I were in it all together. I told him that I would follow him wherever he went, and now we knew that we would be going to San Diego for Jasper's new position as a college professor. Thinking of him that way was surprisingly sexy. I was shocked and awed that my mind could fathom anything sexual right now, but it certainly could.

A nonsensical stream of intimate thoughts raced through my head as I tried to will myself up and out of bed, eventually circling back to being with Jasper and Alice together. Again, I thought about each moment and act. Kissing both of them...Jasper touching both of us…doing things with and to both of them at the same time. Then it hit me. I had allowed Jasper to touch Alice, but I never encouraged Alice to do anything to him. Yes, it was slightly different because he is still interested in women, even if she is a lesbian, but that wasn't the point. I didn't want to share him. I was willing to share her, presumably because my heart wasn't committed to her any longer, but I did not want anyone else to have what was mine, and that was Jasper.

I wanted him to myself. I claimed him. I…no, I couldn't think about that right now. There were too many other things to think of without having a romantic epiphany. Those kinds of thoughts would need to wait until my mind was clearer.

All the same, he was mine. _Mine._

Yes, Jasper was mine, and he was what I wanted. Why was it taking me so long to commit to this idea?

_It ends tonight. _Be_ with him already!_

With that exciting realization, I scurried out of the bed and found my discarded jeans on the floor. I slid them on and made my way out of the bedroom. The door to the opposite bedroom was open, and light filtered out of the room. To my surprise, there was no music, which seemed off considering that Jasper always liked working with some kind of music playing for inspiration.

He stood eerily still, facing an easeled canvas that must have been recently finished because I had never seen it in here. Parts of the painting seemed to shine in the light, confirming my suspicions that it was new. It had yet to dry. I could not get a clear or discerning look at the piece of art, but I hoped that it had been the medicine my darling needed today.

Sideling up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my body into his. He took my affection willingly, turning to hold me properly. His words were exactly what I needed to hear.

"I can't let you go, Bella. I'll never let you go."

It was the reassurance I needed to know that we were on the same page. Mistakes had been made, things had blown up and fallen apart in our faces, but we were still together. The circumstances had not broken us, and we could move forward with this beautiful relationship if we stuck together.

I responded the only way I knew how.

"Never."

"Thank you, Bella," he practically whispered. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're with me right now, no matter what it took to get here."

"Me too. I just wish the circumstances were better, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that," he said quietly, stroking my hair. I wondered if he was leaving any streaks of paint in my snarled brown locks. Not that it would matter. "We can't change anything now, though."

I hummed in agreement, leaning my temple against his chest and listening to him breath. It never ceased to amaze me how much his presence and closeness comforted me.

Pulling away slightly, he took my hand and began to lead us out of the room. "I think we should talk about some of this. Let's go sit down."

Following him into the living room, I felt my stomach do its nervous little dance that I had become so familiar with lately. He didn't make me nervous, per se, but dwelling on all this was starting to eat away at me. I hoped I wouldn't get an ulcer from the stress.

"Okay," I began, dragging the word out hesitantly. "Where do we…I mean, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, the first thing I want to know is if you're all right?" he asked, twisting his body on the sofa to face me and keep some skin to skin connection by resting one hand on my thigh and the other on my cheek.

"Not really, but being here with you is better than any other option," I admitted. He smiled, which made me smile in response. I loved his smile. It was wide and toothy and just…brilliant. "Are _you_ okay?"

"That's a pretty relative question. Yes and no, I suppose. All that really matters is that you're here with me."

"Don't you care about Alice?" I asked, not sure what had brought that out. "As much as we're suffering from the fallout, we at least have each other. She's alone. We did that."

"I don't relish Alice's pain, Bella," he said defensively. "Please don't try to make me feel anymore guilt than I already do."

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but what the fuck is wrong with us? We never should have let that happen!"

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"I mean it, we shouldn't have allowed that to happen. She may have started it, but she didn't know that we were already involved. We did. We knew and we were too drunk and stupid to realize how narcissistic it was. Think of how you would feel if it were the other way around, if it were you and me, and I brought someone else into our sexual relationship."

Jasper shifted away from me suddenly, sliding back against the armrest of the sofa and burying his face in his hands. His head shook from side to side, and a groan rumbled out of his chest as he yanked his pretty blonde hair.

"Are you for fucking real, Bella?" he asked when his head snapped up at me. I was taken aback by his unusually harsh tone. "This was both of us. No, this was all three of us. We dug our own graves. We may not have wanted Alice to find out about us this way, but it's on all our shoulders."

I opened my mouth to respond, but he silenced me with a firm hand gesture.

"Alice fucked up by suggesting it in the first place. If she had doubts about you or what you wanted, she should have been mature enough to deal with those things when you were sober and alone.

"You fucked up by agreeing to our hideous suggestion.

"I fucked up by being a horny fucking bastard who can't keep my hands to myself or my dick in my pants. Then I fucked up even more by enjoying it so much."

That last phrase caught my attention. I had already shared with him that I felt guilty for having enjoyed it so much, even though it was one hundred kinds of wrong. I was quite curious what he had liked so much.

"Wait," I said quickly. "What did you enjoy?"

"Fuck, Bella, what didn't I enjoy? Seeing you completely unhinged, looking at your expressions when we both touched you, and as much as I feel like a fuckface for admitting this, watching you do shit to her while I fucked you. God damn, you have no idea…" he drifted off.

"Is it terrible that I like that you liked it?" I muttered in a low whisper.

"Seriously?"

"Well, yeah. I like that it turned you on."

"You have no idea. It was all because it was you, though. You were so free and I could tell it was just pure, unadulterated pleasure. It was incredible…not that I want to do that again. I'm done sharing," he said firmly. I didn't doubt that.

I had one more question. "What about the other part?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know," I started. "Touching us at the same time, and then…together."

This time, his groan was much louder, and it sounded as if he was in actual physical pain. His eyes were averted, but I moved closer and turned his head toward mine.

"Tell me," I whispered.

"I did that for you. Because it was what you wanted. I never would have tried anything with her if you didn't want me to."

I thought about his words for a few moments. He really was a self-sacrificing fool. He had endured so much to be with me, and I just kept making things more and more crazy. While I'm sure he didn't _hate_ touching Alice the way he had, it was obvious that he truly did do it for me – for my happiness, pleasure, and desire.

I didn't deserve this man.

Crawling across the sofa to close the remaining gap between us, I moved myself over him and flattened my body against his. He shifted awkwardly until he was mostly lying on the sofa while I lay on top of him. Once we were in a somewhat manageable position, my lips found his in silent thanks. After a great deal of time spent reacquainting our mouths, I voiced those thanks.

"Thank you putting up with me."

_Kiss._

"Thank you for waiting for me."

_Kiss._

"Thank you for doing outlandish things like fooling around with your girlfriend's lesbian lover."

_Kiss._

"Hey wait," he protested, tilting his face away from mine. "Did you hear what you just said?"

"Uhh, which part?" I asked, feeling quite confused.

"You called yourself my girlfriend, and you referred to Alice as your lover. Not the other way around. _Not the other way around, sweet thing._"

Smiling down at him, a few soft giggles escaped my lips. "Yeah, I guess I did."

We were thrust up suddenly, Jasper's long arms snaking around my body and forcing me to straddle his lap as he sat on the sofa. I could feel his arousal pressing against me in that position, but he made no move to remove our clothing or encourage those kinds of activities.

"Today is the first day," he said finally.

"First day of what?" I asked, my eyebrows involuntarily pressing together with the question.

"The first day of _us_!" he said excitedly. Oh god, that smile was back…

"Yeah?"

"Of course, sugar. We're together now. For real. Can you believe it?"

I smiled when I realized where he was going with this. After all this time that we had spent sneaking around and hiding, the truth was out. It may not have happened in the best way – in fact, it fell apart in the worst way I could possibly imagine – but nonetheless, this was our opportunity.

"The first day of the rest of our lives," he murmured, pressing his lips to mine yet again.

_The first day of the rest of our lives._

Those words hit me so hard, like an ill thrown medicine ball to the chest.

"We should celebrate," I panted as his mouth traversed my neck and nibbled on my collarbone. I got the impression he was already celebrating in his own way.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed, running his tongue up and behind my ear before sucking on the tender flesh once more.

And so we celebrated.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The rest of the evening moved slowly, but there would never be enough time. We savored one another, touching and feeling, but never initiating any deep intimacy.

Our stomachs sounded off their need loudly, reminding us that neither had eaten today, and a little sustenance would be beneficial. I made my way to the kitchen while Jasper put on an old Frank Sinatra album. It was the perfect mood. After sorting through the refrigerator and cupboards, we came up with a dinner plan, and he promised me a grocery trip the next day.

We cooked together, dancing around the kitchen with delightful fluidity, and when it was complete, we ate picnic-style on the floor.

He insisted that I deserved to relax, so while he cleaned up, I ran a bath and immersed myself in the soothing liquid heat. When he had completed his other tasks, he came into the bathroom and sat next to the tub, offering to wash me when the time came.

Afterward, he led me into his bedroom, now alight with the soft flickers of candlelight. He reminded me that this was now _our_ bedroom, not just his, and I felt quite excited hearing those words come out of his mouth.

Once we were settled and in our pajamas, we snuggled up in bed with a movie. When _Great Expectations_ began, I looked at him in wonder.

"I thought you said this would be too much of a chick flick and you didn't want to see it?" I teased, but I was truly curious about his change of heart.

"Well, you said it was one of your favorites, so I got it for you," he said. "And I may have watched it once already."

"Oh yeah?" I teased.

"Yeah, and it's pretty good," he said with a smile. "They didn't mutilate the book _too_ much for a modernization."

"Told you so."

"You did."

We curled into one another, Jasper in sweatpants and no shirt, me in one of his tee shirts and my panties. There were no attempts to do anything more than simply hold onto one another and feel the ease and calm that came from being together. All I wanted to do was be a part of him and have him know me from the inside out. Things had been so complicated and screwed up since the night we met, but maybe, just maybe, they could finally fall into place. If we could move past all the craziness, we could be happy.

Watching a movie and cuddling was the extent of our evening. I was so keyed up for the picture that I managed to stay awake for the entire film. I had also napped for several hours earlier, but Jasper had not. He nodded off sometime after the climactic sex scene, snoring lightly as I lay upon his chest.

I turned the TV off and managed to coax him down off the pile of pillows behind us so that we could sleep comfortably. He rolled to his side, draping an arm over my side as I turned around and scooted back into him. Although he slept, his hold on me was secure, ensuring that this man would never let me go or allow me to be hurt where he was concerned.

The first day of the rest of our lives, indeed.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I awoke alone, yet again, feeling rested, but apprehensive about what would make Jasper get out of bed on a Sunday morning. As soon as I took a deep breath through my nose, I understood. The rich aroma of fresh roasted coffee wafted into _our_ bedroom, filling my nostrils and tempting me out of bed. I tiptoed out of the room in my nightclothes, catching a few different scents as I approached the kitchen. There was something sweet and fruity first, then the unmistakable scent of eggs. On the counter, I saw the sources - a spread of freshly baked muffins, scrambled eggs, and fruit salad. It all looked delicious, but nowhere near as delicious as my shirtless Jasper standing off to the side.

"Hi," I said quietly, walking up and wrapping my arms around him.

"Hi," he returned with a boyish grin.

"This looks good."

"I'm glad you think so. Come on, let's eat."

After several cups of coffee, a wonderful breakfast, and a long "Q&A" conversation about San Diego and Wainwright University, we decided to get cleaned up and make a plan for the day.

Things were easier today, more comfortable. We showered together, touching and holding one another, but moving slowly. Nothing was rushed or frenzied. We were together, and I could tell that we both wanted little more than the opportunity to enjoy that new fact. We still had obstacles, difficulties and changes to face, but we finally had what we truly needed in each other.

For the first time since we had met, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It began with that incredible sexual tension and the struggle to become friends while denying our attraction. That was such an awkward time. As much as I truly wanted to get to know him in those first few months, we both pretended as if there wasn't anything there between us. It was so foolish, but it was impossible to stay away from one another, even if it meant playing pretend. All those times that we avoided any sort of physical contact were somewhat humorous now. I was grateful for that time, though. It gave us the opportunity to lay a foundation and learn about one another. We were so physically drawn to each other that I wasn't sure what kind of staying power our relationship would have had without a few months as friends to build something based on _us_ instead of sex. Now we had the best of both.

Our shower was scalding hot, just the way I liked them. The thick steam filled my lungs and relaxed my muscles, leaving me incredibly refreshed, but a bit overheated. I felt a delicious sting of relief when the cool air of the apartment hit me as we stepped out, but Jasper was there immediately to wrap me in a large bath sheet and rub me dry.

Still panting from the heat, he flopped on the bed naked, his skin tinged in pink and red splotches as his body acclimated to the air. I smiled at him as I dropped my towel and crawled across the bed to him, lying diagonally on my back and resting my head on his chest. His skin felt so good against mine, and I reveled in our new found peace, comfort, and freedom as he draped his arm over my collarbone and held me that way.

We laid in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying our lazy Sunday. Eyes closed, my right hand drifted to his bent leg, running up and down his thigh languidly. His arm slid off my chest, taking my chin and tipping it toward his face to kiss me lazily. I hummed in appreciation as I shifted slightly to give us a better angle. Our faces were too far to truly deepen our kisses, but our lips still puckered out and tongues darted about to share in our quiet, intimate moment.

As we continued, hands began roaming in a leisurely manner, lightly stroking and exploring one another without intent. I continued my course on his thigh, growing bolder with each pass until one downward journey brushed my hand against his stiffened cock. A mischievous chuckle sounded in my throat, and I smiled onto his lips when I took him in my hand. As I began soothing his need with slow pumps, his hand drifted from my chest, down my stomach, and to the juncture of my thighs. Nudging them apart, he opened me with two fingers and began his own tease.

He rubbed along my sensitive skin, spreading my wetness with each pass. His fingers slid apart and then worked together repeatedly, continuously stroking and toying with me. He would move to the top, rubbing circles on my clit with the tip of his finger for a moment, then he would pull away when I got close to exploding, his long digits moving back down to dip into me briefly. Several times, he moved his hand from me completely, bringing it between our mouths to lick the evidence of my arousal from his fingers. It was a dirty game, putting them in place for us to taste me together, our tongues dancing around his fingers as we continued to kiss. I don't know where this fetish for licking me off his hands came from, but I would never complain about something so damn erotic and sexy. Finally, he plunged two fingers deep inside me, curling them forward expertly.

Our breathing hitched simultaneously, and kissing became more difficult with each passing second. We teased and touched, groped and pulled, forcing one another to arch our backs and squirm with need. He controlled of all my senses. As he sped his movements, my pace increased on his erection, squeezing him until he panted my name in the most gorgeous tone I had ever heard. What we were doing felt so good and so fucking erotic, but I needed to _feel_ him. This weekend had been so completely fucked up, and I needed his body on me and in me in order to experience any form of relief.

When I released him from my hand, he whimpered in the cutest, sweetest little voice, which completely delighted me. It was so amazing to know he craved my touch that much. I didn't let him go for too long, though. As I pulled away, I rolled myself over and straddled his body.

Looking down at my beautiful man, I was met with the most glorious, rewarding smile. It was all mine, and that completely blew me away.

This was the man who was willing to risk so much for me. He put up with my wavering and procrastination and even allowed me to live out a sexual fantasy with him and my girl- no, _ex-girlfriend._ He waited for me, and now we were together the way we both wanted to be.

We were taking huge steps. He accepted a teaching position in a completely different part of the country, and I was going to follow him. I planned to give up the career I had built here and restart in a new city. Given my field, it wouldn't be extremely difficult to start over, and it could even be the opportunity I needed to segue into more freelance work, if I wanted that.

Whatever I did, Jasper and I would be _together. _That was amazing. The potential for our life together was expansive and exciting. I had never risked so much for another person, but I felt completely sure of this decision. As long as we had one another, everything would work out somehow.

Jasper was mine.

I was his.

My god, that was beautiful.

Leaning over his body, I tilted my head until we could kiss again, this time full and deep. I would never tire of the way his mouth engulfed mine, yet worked in perfect tandem every time. We didn't even need to have sex to be one when we were kissing. This was sufficient, but making love added so much to our incredible union.

_Making love._

The thought made me nervous and thrilled and nauseous all at once, but there was no denying what it was. We may have had some wild sex in the time we had been together, but Jasper never once fucked me, no matter what he called it. Fucking implies selfishness and a physical act done for the sole purpose of getting off. That was not at all what we shared. When Jasper and I melded our bodies into one single entity, it was an act of submission to our undeniable, breathtaking bond.

I wasn't ready to think in labels and terms of endearment yet, but my heart knew what it felt. What it wanted. What it needed.

It was all Jasper.

My Jasper.

Our kisses became heated. We consumed one another with each tug of lips and tongues. His hand moved between us, angling his cock so that he was in position to enter me, take me, claim me, love me, own me, give, take, share, bond, thrust, accept, be...

He was inside my body, and I was complete.

It was needful, but not hips found the same rhythm to rock and relish what we gave to one another. I held myself over him on my forearms, attempting to push off my elbows and change the position, but finding myself too weakened by him to move. Still, it was perfect. My chest hung over him at the perfect angle that he was able to consume my breasts with his hot mouth as our pleasure spiked.

With my lower arms stuck against the mattress, I turned them, maneuvering under his shoulder blades so that my hands came up around the top of his shoulders and gripped tightly there. It gave me incredible leverage to hover over him and control the speed and intensity of our connection.

I pushed myself hard against him, which by the primal grunting sound he made each time, I assumed he liked. My body accepted him as deep as possible, and it felt so inconceivably good. When I wasn't pressing my mouth against his, my head tipped down, tucking into his neck and shoulder. I watched us through the slight gap between our bodies, staring in wonder at how beautiful it was to see his length glide in and out of my body, enjoying the fluidity of each movement.

We whispered and groaned words of appreciation and sentiments of adoration. His hands dug into my ass and hips, and I could not have care if he was squeezing too hard or leaving marks. I needed him. No caress was too much for me. If I could have taken him wholly inside my body or wound myself up within him somehow, I would have.

This man was mine.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

For as long as I wanted him and needed him.

It would be forever. I knew it. I believed it. I had faith in it.

My heart delighted at what could come in our future together.

"Future" had never been such a beautiful word to me until now.

It felt like we went on forever, but I didn't try to speed things along. We felt so good together, and I wanted it to last as long as possible. We weren't racing toward a finish line. We were taking our time and enjoying the sensation of each and every thrust, pump, suck, and lick.

As I continued to stare down between us, I slowed my movements. Watching him disappear inside my pussy inch by inch, I tuned myself into the feeling. When he sank into me, I could feel my body accommodating his substantial size. He stretched me in such a delicious manner, and while it did not hurt, there was the perfect amount of pressure as his cock opened me up to take him. For a long while, I was lost in simultaneously watching and feeling what he did to me.

"What are you doing, sugar?" he asked, pulling me from my cock worship.

"Mmm, what?" I muttered, bringing my eyes to his to focus on his words.

"Tell me what's going on inside that gorgeous head, Bella," he whispered. One of his hands rose, tucking my hair behind my ear so that he could see past the curtain it created. "God, the sounds you're making...Can you even hear yourself? It's incredible, like every single movement is doing wicked things to you."

Loosening my grip on his shoulders, I pulled my arms out and shook them slightly. I sat up, positioning my hands against his stomach for support. At the same time, he bent his legs a little more to support me and to allow him more control of our movements.

"I just can't believe how amazing you feel," I told him, tipping my head back slightly in response to the pleasure coursing through my veins. "It's unreal, Jasper. Seeing you slide in and out of me...like you were made to fit there..."

He held my hips tighter, digging his fingertips roughly into my skin. I could see his eyes on my chest as my tits bounced with his hearty thrusts.

"You do things to me...that I never would have...thought possible." My words came out in broken phrases as I gasped for breath between the moans and sharp cries he caused. "I love watching you stretch me... seeing my body consume you."

"Holy fuck," he growled, his arms scrambling suddenly while his upper body lifted off the bed. "That's the hottest thing I've ever heard."

He wrapped a strong arm around my back and rolled us until I was beneath him, never once breaking our connection. My hands moved to cup his face as I gazed up at him adoringly, and he took them in one of his and placed them carefully against his chest. I quickly realized what he was doing. My palms where now spread over his heart, and the hand that had guided mine was now laying above my left breast. His body fell against mine slightly, and we held our hands in place, eyes still locked, as he brought me to the highest heights that only he could.

With this new connection of our hearts, he quickened his pace, thrusting harder and faster until I was a writhing, howling mess at his complete and utter mercy. I kept one hand against his chest and the other curled around his neck for leverage. I arched into him, meeting each pump with a lift of my hips toward his. Everything blurred together after that, a cluster of moans, words of affection and need, and incomprehensible sounds.

Our heart connection broke only when he sat up on his knees and hooked his arms around my legs. Bending them, he pressed them into my chest, collapsing against me and sandwiching them in between. He drove into me with fierce need, and I screamed for him over and over again.

He pulled one of my legs up, straightening it and placing in over his shoulder. His lips met my ankle and calve, and his fingers ghosted down the length of my leg. At this angle, it was like my body was a water balloon, filled so full it would explode at any moment. My cries grew louder as his became deeper and more needful.

"Fuck...fuck, Bella...I want this...always."

I clawed at him, desperately squirming to get my bent leg free. He caught on, flipping it over his shoulder as well. As he held my ass up at the angle he desired and thrust into me, only my shoulders and head met the mattress. My hands clawed the bedspread for lack of anything else to hold onto through this mind-blowing rapture. He held me there while I writhed and cried, continuing until I shook and burst around him and he quaked and stiffened within me.

Lowering me back to the bed, we weakly fell into a comfortable missionary position. Leaning over, he kissed me - slow and sweet - continuing to move in and out of me at a gentle pace. I touched him, tasted him, and ran my fingers through his hair adoringly. We went on this way until I felt him soften inside me, and only then did he stop.

It was perfect. Everything was perfect.

It was the most intense experience we had shared so far, and I couldn't even find the words to describe it in the aftermath. All I wanted to do was clutch him close to my body, to hold him inside me until we both drifted to sleep and oblivion.

Unfortunately, not all of that could happen today.

He collapsed on top of me, allowing me to feel his weight and pressure against my chest, but he didn't fall asleep that way. He eventually rolled away, allowing me the freedom to breath easily and move as I wished, not that I wanted to.

We molded together regardless – holding, panting, smiling. We stayed there happily until the weight of reality finally set in.

"I need to go back there," I said quietly.

"Clothes?"

"Yeah, only my off-season stuff is here right now, and that's not going to work very well."

"Want me to go with you?" he offered.

"No, I need to do this on my own."

Thirty minutes later, I was standing in front of the apartment building that was my home with Alice for so long. Jasper dropped me off so I could go inside and collect a few things before retrieving my car and driving it back to our place. It felt so strange to regard his apartment as ours, but in the same respect, it was wonderful and exciting.

He had offered over and over again to come up to the apartment with me, but I knew I needed to face Alice on my own. There were things that needed to be said, explanations that must be given. Those could not come to fruition properly with Jasper there.

I took the stairs instead of the elevator, rehearsing my thoughts and intended words over and over again in my mind, hoping they wouldn't disappear once we were face to face.

When I reached the door, I placed my key in the lock hesitantly. This had the potential to be one of the most difficult conversations of my life. At least yesterday when she confronted us, I had Jasper there to help me take some of the blow of her realization.

Right now, I was completely on my own, but all was how it should be. I dug my own grave. Now, I either had to lie in it or figure my way the fuck out.

All was quiet as I slowly pulled the door open.

I crept in, uttering a quiet, "Alice?" but there was no response.

Hesitantly, I approached our bedroom. I didn't want to go in there, but all my clothes were inside, and I had to pack up a suitcase or two before I left today. I couldn't exactly afford a new wardrobe, especially with the upcoming move to California. When I opened the door, I was met with the shock of my life.

There, on the bed I spent three years in, was Alice – stark naked, and with a head of blonde hair between her legs. I gasped at the sight, turning away immediately and returning to the door. My sudden interruption alerted blondie, and she paused from her ministrations to gape at me.

"Who the fuck are you?" she hissed, glancing from me to Alice. Or Alice's pussy, rather.

"I...I'm just gonna go," I sputtered. "I'll come back for my stuff later."

Seemingly satisfied with my response, the bimbo dove back in, and I turned to leave.

"Bella, wait," Alice called, and I froze. "You, get the fuck out," she said without hesitation. I assumed that was directed at the tart currently devouring her like a piece of dessert.

"What?" the girl shrieked incredulously.

I didn't listen to the rest of the exchange, instead escaping to the guest room to dig my suitcases and a few duffel bags from the closet there. Several minutes later, Alice came into the room, alone, thankfully.

"You move fast," I mumbled bitterly.

"You're one to talk," she fired back.

"I deserve that."

"Fucking right you do."

Without looking at her, I dragged my bags back to the bedroom and opened them all on the floor outside the closet.

"Bella, what the fuck are you doing?" she asked. As if it wasn't obvious.

"Uh, getting my shit."

I wasn't sure why I was copping such an attitude with her when I was the one who had caused all these problems in the first place. It wasn't fair or right of me.

She stood quietly, but I knew she was watching me. Struggling to keep myself focused on the task, I pulled clothes haphazardly from the closet and dresser and stuffed them into my bags. Shoes, belts, and accessories were piled on top until every bag and piece of luggage met its maximum capacity. I dragged each out to the hall, creating a large pile outside the apartment door.

When all my clothes had been collected and a final bag of toiletries was filled, I set off to make my final escape.

That was when Alice's little hand reached out and took hold of my wrist. "Bella, wait."

Nervously, I turned toward her and saw the most heartbreaking expression on her face. There was no choice but to give in to her request.

I slumped away from my exit, falling onto the sofa but not meeting her eyes.

And so we talked.

She asked me what felt like a thousand questions about Jasper, how it happened, what she had done wrong, what was happening now, why we did what we did the other night, where things were to go from here, how I could go on this way, if I hated her for calling me a slut...The list went on and on. I tried to answer what I could, but really just bawled through most of the conversation. Making her understand that she did nothing wrong was a difficult concept to communicate.

What I felt for Jasper was not because Alice had made mistakes or treated me wrong. It was something more powerful than any of us. The invisible cord that fastened us together could not be expressed in words. It was a feeling I got when he was in my presence, a comfort I experienced in his arms. There was no rhyme or reason or justification. How could I possibly make Alice understand why I was giving up three years of our life together to pursue something I didn't even have words to describe?

Nonetheless, I talked, hoping that she could somehow get it all and not hate me in the end. I wouldn't blame her if she did, though. Everything I had done to her was incredibly shitty. While I began thinking of Jasper as my boyfriend and her as...less at some point, she never knew that we had changed, so my rationale meant little to her. I was simply cheating.

By the end of our conversation, we were both wrecked. We were the victims of our emotions, the shells of two women who once lived and loved together.

I apologized a thousand times, but I knew it would never be enough.

There was no true resolve when I left. At least the truth was out there.

I couldn't even be mad at her for picking up some random woman at a bar, which she admitted to doing. Considering the circumstances, however she needed to deal with it had to be copasetic with me.

Returning home to Jasper, I was completely messed up yet again, but I had something I never held before - _hope._

We were in this together. We both knew the risks. We both knew that my breakup with Alice would probably not go well, even before the whole Friday night incident.

The last twenty-four hours with Jasper were the reassurance I needed, though. We discussed things, comforted and encouraged one another, and in the end, shared a physical experience that was beyond anything I had ever felt.

We needed to be together.

We had to be together.

This was right.

This was good.

The way we got to this point may not have fit that same description, but we had to put it behind us in order to move forward.

It hurt, but it was just a small step on our path to forever.

That was my strength in weakness and my saving grace.

Jasper and Bella, together.

Maybe one day Jasper and Bella Whitlock...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: All characters and products mentioned are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine. **

**This is the final chapter of my short story, so I must take a moment for some thank yous:**

***To 4lettrwrd, keepingupwiththekids, and rachael1042, who each held my hand through this story in one way or another. Your help has been priceless.****  
*To LaViePastiche, ElleCC & all the judges of the For the Love of Jasper contest – and for the fabulous Judges' Mention for my crackfic-style use of Edward =)  
*And finally, to all the readers and reviewers, and especially to all who voted for the original o/s, placing it in the finals with authors I was truly humbled to be listed beside.**

**I love you all. I would love to hear your thoughts in the form or a review or PM. I hope you like each character's ending!**

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**JPOV**

I walked through the door and was greeted with the delicious scent of peppers, onions, and chicken. I could hear the sizzle of a frying pan, and as soon as I crossed the threshold inside the apartment, I saw Bella at the stove.

She looked so content and in her element as she prepared dinner, humming and swiveling to the music playing through the stereo speakers. I knew she heard my entrance when she looked up, offering me a sweet smile. As I approached her, she puckered her lips expectantly for my kiss.

Life was good. Not easy by any means, but good.

No matter how happy we were, I knew Bella still suffered. I could see it in her eyes and sense it whenever something came up about our move and the need to retrieve the rest of her belongings from Alice's apartment.

We fell into an easy routine quite fast. I had never lived with a girlfriend before, but I had a few roommates over the years. Living with another person was difficult enough, but doing so with a lover was a huge commitment. I feared that the arrangement would have the potential to drive Bella away. The only man she had ever lived with was her father, and that was with the buffer of her mother and their parental roles in her life. This was something completely different.

Surprisingly, she took to it all quite well. I assumed that part of it was our "honeymoon" stage we were still experiencing, but I held out hope that she was truly acclimating to our new lifestyle without any hindrances.

Each day was something new and exciting to me. Some days, I would return home first, and other days, Bella would be the one to greet me when I came back from working on the mural. The project was almost finished, and we were making arrangements for our big move to San Diego. Not only did we have all our personal belongings to sort and pack, there was also Bella's studio to consider. We cleared out as much of her equipment as possible and contacted a realtor to sell the space.

As for San Diego, I managed to find the most perfect option possible. Peter made a few connections, and a realtor there found us a building that included an old, closed storefront with an ample sized apartment on the second floor. We could easily convert the store into a studio that Bella and I could share, and the apartment was the perfect addition.

I could hardly believe that things were falling into place so well for our future.

"This smells great," I complimented Bella after giving her a brief kiss.

Our evening was pretty routine after that. Routine, but not boring in the least.

We shared dinner, discussed our day, and then moved on to other activities. Sometimes that included reading, watching television or playing cards. Every so often we went out together. More often than not, some form of intimacy was included in our nights together. I did not tire of Bella's company, and I could not fathom that ever happening to us.

Despite all our happiness, I could tell that the Alice situation still bothered Bella immensely. As far as I knew, they had only spoken once since the day Bella went over to retrieve her belongings. It was not a pleasant experience for Bella, and she preferred not to discuss it.

I knew she still felt extremely guilty for the way things occurred. No matter how much I tried to convince her that it was for the best, she still struggled. She had to find her own way through this, and in the end, she would need to make peace with Alice and their relationship to gain full closure. All I could do was stand by and offer my support.

"I spoke to Peter today," I told her as we sat down to eat dinner. Bella had placed all the ingredients for fajitas on the table while I brought in plates, forks, and two beers. "This looks amazing, by the way."

She smiled at the compliment before speaking. "What did he have to say?"

"He said everything went well with the walk through today, and he'll be able to fax all the papers to the lawyer tomorrow. Our appointment is all set for tomorrow afternoon," I explained. "Does that work for you?"

"Yeah," she smiled dreamily. "I'm really just tying up loose ends with clients and packing the studio. I can't believe we're really doing this."

"I know," I replied, reaching over and laying my hand on top of hers. "I'm so happy."

"Me too."

We ate Bella's delicious meal between pleasant conversation. I smiled inwardly at how wonderful it was to share this space with her and have someone to come home to at night. Our future had so much potential, and I was itching to get to San Diego and begin our life there together. I believed that a change of scenery would help her more than she realized. Staying here, surrounded by all her memories of Alice couldn't be easy. I mourned the loss of Alice's friendship, but I couldn't deny how happy I was to call Bella mine. We had been so happy in the weeks since the threesome debacle, and I couldn't begrudge myself for that.

As we carried the dishes to the kitchen and began cleaning up, I approached a topic we couldn't avoid for much longer.

"Bella, sweetie, we need to figure out when you're going to get the rest of your things from Alice's apartment."

The clank of dishes falling haphazardly into the sink sent me to her side instantly.

"I…I don't know if I can go over there," she said, her voice shaky and unsure.

"Shh, it's all right," I soothed, pulling her against me. "I know it's not easy, but you need to stop feeling guilty about this. It hurts me too, but we need to move forward. She'll be okay eventually."

"Eventually," Bella huffed, obviously berating herself once more.

"Enough of that. Why don't you go take a bath while I finish cleaning up all this. You cooked, so it's my turn anyway."

She tried to protest, but I wouldn't hear it and sent her off to relax for a while. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the water running in the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, I was kneeling at the side of the tub, running a soapy bath puff across her back.

Everything went well with the lawyer the next day. Peter sat with the realtor and lawyer in San Diego while Bella and I held hands beneath the table at our lawyer's office. The process took a little longer than the usual closing since we had to fax so many documents and converse over speaker phone, but it all worked out in the end. I took Bella out for a late lunch to celebrate afterward, and then she headed back to the studio to finish some more packing. I could have gone home, but I made a last minute decision and changed course.

Standing in front of the familiar building, I took note of Alice's car and headed upstairs.

"Coming!" she called from within the apartment after I knocked on the door. "Oh!" was her shocked response when she saw me.

"Hey," I said softly. I held out a bottle of red wine and was not surprised when she scowled but finally allowed me to enter.

"What can I do for you, Jasper?"

I scanned the apartment as she led me inside. For the most part, things looked the same. The only real difference was that Alice's laptop sat on the dining room table, surrounded by a slew of papers, folders, and notepads. I wondered what she was up to, but didn't dwell on it for long.

"I was hoping we could talk," I said. "Care for a drink?" I held the wine up again and she signaled me to follow her into the kitchen.

Watching her retrieve two wineglasses from the cupboard and a bottle opener from the wine rack, I noticed that she looked impossibly thinner than the last time we'd been together. The thought of Alice losing weight made me feel sick. She was already a wisp of a woman. Dropping pounds was the last thing she needed to do. A surge of guilt hit me, but I pushed it back and kept my focus on the purpose of this visit.

Once the wine was poured, we sat on opposite sides of the kitchen island and stared at one another. When she raised her eyebrows expectantly, I took a deep breath and began.

"I came to apologize."

"Too little, too late," she said flatly. It stung, and I think she knew it.

"Is it really? Alice, you have to know this wasn't something I planned. God, you have no idea how much it has torn me apart to know I've played a part in hurting you."

"And you have no idea how devastating it is to see someone you consider one of your closest friends fuck your girlfriend," she snapped. She swallowed the contents of her wine and poured a second glass.

I raked a hand through my hair and stared guiltily at her. "I know I deserve every ounce of spite you have for me, Alice, but I didn't come here to fight. Bella is a wonderful, special, amazing woman. You know this. Can you really blame me for falling in love with her?"

Tears streamed down her face as she processed my words.

"You love her?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "A whole fucking lot. I know you do, too. I can see it in your eyes that you still do, and that makes me hate myself so much more."

"Good," she sniffled.

I pursed my lips and considered my words carefully. "Sorry will never be enough, Alice. I get that. This was the last thing I ever expected when I came here, but meeting Bella has turned my entire world upside down. From what you've both told me, it wasn't so different when you girls met."

"So what makes you think she won't do the same thing to you?" Alice challenged. "How do you know she won't leave you for the next spark?"

I could sense the defiance and bitterness in her tone, but I didn't take any offense to it. As difficult as it was for me to come to her and make amends, it was surely twice as hard for her to discuss this with me. I had essentially stolen Bella from her.

"I can feel it," I told her honestly. "This is forever. I know it is."

We sat in silence for several minutes, not really meeting each other's eyes. The thin bases of our wine glasses clinked against the granite countertop, breathy sighs permeated the air, and anxious fingers drummed against the island.

"It is," she finally said in a whisper so quiet I barely heard it.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"It is forever," she clarified. I just sat there, stunned speechless. "I could see it in the way you looked at one another. Even before that whole mess, there was something in both your eyes. I guess I wasn't allowing myself to see it for what it really was, but once I saw you _together_…intimate…I understood."

"I'm sorry," I said for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I know." After a long pause, she said something that made my heart thunder in my chest. "She loves you, too."

Bella loves me? Bella loves me! We hadn't said it yet, but the feeling owned me. I believed that Bella shared those emotions with me, but under the circumstances, I hadn't brought it up yet. I thought that purchasing a studio and apartment together and moving to a new state was a pretty big reassurance of our love. We didn't need words. Still, the sheer thrill of hearing Alice acknowledge it was incredible.

We sat together for a long time talking things through as we drained the bottle of wine. I was thankful that I had purchased the larger size because we needed the time to sort things out and make peace. When Alice excused herself to use the bathroom, I sent Bella a text letting her know that I was caught up in something and would be home late. She seemed disappointed but did not complain.

The conversation with Alice seemed to help both of us immensely. It didn't lessen her pain or my guilt at all, but it was a necessary evil. I could not bear the thought of leaving without at least attempting to clear the air.

I informed her of our plans to move to San Diego together, as she already knew about my new job. She seemed happy for us in a distant sort of way. I had prepared myself for a breakdown, but there seemed to be some unspoken hope behind her words that she wasn't sharing. I accepted her need for privacy and didn't press the issue.

When our time drew to a natural close, Alice walked me to the door. To my surprise, she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my ribs. Our height difference was humorous, as I was quite tall and she was rather short. Nonetheless, her arms wrapped around my waist and mine draped over her shoulders.

"Good luck," she whispered as she looked up at me. "I hope you find what you're looking for in California."

"I'll take care of her," I promised, brushing a tear away from her cheek with my thumb.

"Thank you."

As I made my way home to Bella, I felt more grateful than ever to have her in my life. Speaking to Alice had been awkward and uncomfortable at first, but it seemed to turn out well in the end. She was slightly worse for the wear, but she was no longer the furious mess of a woman, sputtering words of hate and anger at me. We had made arrangements for Bella and me to come over and pack up the rest of her things, and I knew Bella would be relieved to know she didn't have to plan that out herself.

I finished the mural several days later, and an appointment was set with the movers to collect all our belongings. It was a big job, so we had things done in stages. Bella's studio and my collection of art supplies were packed and moved first. Peter would be in San Diego to oversee the arrival. Bella and I were to retrieve the remainder of her belongings from Alice's apartment and put them in our spare room until the movers came to clear the apartment. She was not taking any furniture, so we would be able to load boxes and other small items into our cars. All our personal and home items would be transported in the second shipment, along with our cars towed behind the moving truck.

Bella was understandably hesitant to visit her former home and lover, but it had to be done. I assured her that I would be there with her and that if she needed time to speak to Alice alone, I would be comfortable with that. I had to practically drag her over, and by the time we stood in the hall outside the apartment, she was fidgeting nervously.

"Bella, sugar, calm down," I said stroking her back. "Everything is going to be okay. I've cleared the air with her already, and she knows we're coming. This isn't easy, but it's necessary."

"I know, but I still feel like I'm going to puke all over your shoes."

"My shoes? Why my shoes?" I teased. My fingers ran down her sides and I tickled her lightly. It was enough to make her squirm and giggle softly. I was relieved to see her smile.

"Well, I'm wearing my brand new sneakers. You're wearing those disgusting Doc Martens you've had since 1997!" she quipped. "If I puke on them, maybe you'll finally throw them away and get a new pair!"

"What? That's quality footwear you're insulting!"

I held her tighter, squeezing with a little more force and causing her to wriggle in my arms. She was laughing and fighting me off when the door swung open and Alice looked out at us. We froze, probably both expecting to see her scowl or look hurt by our playful antics, but her expression was actually quite pleasant.

"Hey guys," Alice said sweetly. She stepped back and ushered us inside without changing her tone or demeanor.

Bella glanced at me with a questioning, surprised look, and I just shrugged and smiled. This was a serious relief. There didn't appear to be any weird or awkward vibes from Alice.

We entered through the foyer, and the sight that met us in the living room made us both gasp.

"What is…? Are you…moving?" Bella stuttered, looking between the stacks of boxes and Alice. I was just as shocked.

"Is it obvious?" Alice asked with a playful smirk.

I shook my head at her carefree regard of the situation. What had happened to the sorrowful woman I had seen a week ago? I was happy for this change of attitude, but it was…strange.

"Alice, where are you moving?" Bella asked. It was actually a bit of a concerned demand, but I didn't take offense to her sudden outburst.

"Why don't we all sit down and I can explain?"

With that, we wormed our way between boxes and packing materials and found seats in the living room. Alice sat in the armchair while Bella and I sat side by side on the sofa and held hands.

"Bella, don't be upset, please," Alice started. "I hate seeing that look on your face, baby."

I didn't respond to her affectionate term, but I knew it caught Bella off guard, as she stiffened slightly.

"What's this all about?" she asked.

"Well, there's something I never told you," Alice said. I was definitely curious with a start like that, so I listened intently. "Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to go to France. I can remember when I was eight years old and the entire second grade put on a Christmas pageant. In the story, Santa accidentally takes a doll from a home in America when he delivers some presents. The little doll has to visit different places all over the world while Santa makes his Christmas Eve stops. He can't take her home until all the toys have been delivered. Each second grade class represented a different country. We studied about that country for over a month and learned Christmas carols in that language to perform in the pageant.

"My classroom learned all about France, and we sang two French songs in the pageant. I can still remember them. From that time on, I was completely enraptured by French culture. I wanted to go there and see everything. I wanted to live there."

"You never told me any of this," Bella said from beside me. I could hear the hurt and confusion in her voice, but I waited for Alice to give us a greater explanation as to why she was sharing this now.

Alice smiled at Bella, but looked slightly apologetic somehow.

"I know," she confirmed. "When I was in college, I was able to spend a summer studying in Paris. It was absolutely amazing. I loved everything about it, and I knew that I wanted to go back and live there again. I even researched places I could possibly intern or work."

I still wondered where this was headed but continued listening.

"Bella, I'm sorry I never told you this. Really. After that trip, my plan was to go back to France after graduate school. Once I had completed my masters, I wanted to live there."

"Well, why didn't you?" Bella asked.

"Umm," Alice muttered hesitantly. "When did we meet?"

"Three years ago," Bella answered quickly.

It all clicked to me immediately, but I could tell that Bella didn't understand quite yet.

"Bella, three years ago," I repeated, hoping it would help her.

She sat quietly for a few moments before the truth dawned on her and her jaw dropped open involuntarily.

"You didn't go…because of me?" she asked, the pitch of her voice increasing with her disbelief.

"More or less," Alice said, nodding.

"Oh my god." Bella slapped her hand over her mouth, shaking her head back and forth. "Your dream. You gave up your dream to be with me? How could you do that, Ali?"

"Bella, I loved you."

"But that's…it's no reason to give up something you waited for your whole life. I can't…I can't…"

"Hey, it's all right," I soothed. Unhooking our hands, I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her to me. "Does Alice look upset right now, sugar?"

She glanced at her former girlfriend and then back at me. "No?"

"I'm not, Bella," Alice affirmed. "It's all okay, now. Can't you tell what I'm getting at here?"

Bella shook her head and pressed into me for comfort. Alice scooted forward in her chair and leaned toward Bella. She extended her hands, taking Bella's between them and offering a firm squeeze.

"I'm finally going back to France, Bella. I get to live out my dream now!"

In a fraction of a second, Bella was out of her seat on the sofa and wrapped around Alice. She hugged her fiercely, kneeling in front of Alice's chair and rocking their bodies back and forth.

"Congratulations, Alice," I said, hoping to clear things up and bring Bella back to reality. I didn't mind her show of affection and happiness for Alice, but I didn't want things to get weird for anyone. This was still a sensitive situation for all of us.

Bella returned to her seat on the sofa and the two women resumed their conversation. Alice provided more details about her decision and the job she had secured in France, and Bella listened intently. I left them to talk things over, hoping that they would also make amends during this discussion. I picked up a few boxes and went into the bedroom to pack the things I knew belonged to Bella.

Eventually, Bella joined me, and we gathered the rest of her items in boxes that were stacked by the door. Her attitude was better, and I found myself increasingly relieved that this day had turned out so well.

When everything had been packed, we found Alice in the kitchen and bid her goodbye. This was quite possibly the last time we would see her.

I hugged her first.

"I promised you I would take care of her, and that still stands," I whispered in her ear. "Good luck, Alice."

She squeezed me rather tightly for someone so small and thanked me for my promise.

I stepped back when Bella moved toward her.

"Bella, don't worry about me, okay? I will always miss you and I will always love you, but I'm _happy_. This is a dream come true."

"I know," Bella said, fighting back the tears that lingered in her dark eyes. "I'm sorry that I kept you from it for so long."

"Hey now. Don't blame yourself for anything. I chose to stay for you. I chose to keep that part of my life a secret, but life has a way of working itself out, doesn't it?"

Bella nodded in agreement, biting her lip and allowing a few tears to flow.

"Be happy, my Bella," Alice whispered, but I still heard her. I knew she wasn't hiding those words from me. It was her emotions that caused the drop in her tone.

"You too," Bella returned.

I could only watch in silence as Bella pulled away enough to take Alice's face in her hands. She looked at her seriously for several moments before closing her eyes and planting her lips on Alice's. They held that position for a few seconds, not deepening the kiss, but clearly saying so much through that action. It brought about a flash of jealousy and possessiveness in my gut, but it was gone as soon as it swelled. I knew this was their final goodbye.

Their foreheads pressed together as they shared one last hug before it was time for us to leave. We made a few trips back and forth between the apartment and the elevator, and then we were gone. Alice, the apartment, and the life Bella lived for three years were all behind us.

It was time for us to move into the future.

_Our_ future.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A few days later, I was standing behind Bella, arms around her waist and chin on her shoulder as we waited for our suitcases to appear in the baggage claim carousel. Signs throughout the airport proclaimed, _Welcome to San Diego_, and each one made me smile wider.

We were here.

We were together.

A firm slap against my shoulder made me jump and tighten my grip around Bella. When I turned and realized that it was Peter, I released her and gave him a firm hug.

"Hey man! How's it going?" I asked.

He smiled at me and then at Bella as I introduced them. Her grin in response was sweet and beautiful, as always. I could immediately see the way she charmed him with a simple look.

"Welcome home," he told both of us, and she hugged me before repeating the words in my ear.

Life was good.

I had everything I could want or need – a nice home, a great new job, and most importantly, an extraordinary woman at my side.

I couldn't help but reflect on everything we had gone through to be together. I remembered the first night I saw Bella, trying to hide her face behind her camera but never able to mask her beauty. My lips tingled as I recalled that first kiss in Alice's office and the way she wrapped herself around me. The months that followed had been the worst kind of torture a man could suffer, but they gave us the opportunity to grow in our friendship and understanding of one another.

Her darkroom was one place I would miss very much. She would have another one here, but it could never hold the memories of that fated day we finally gave in to our passion and desire for one another. My body would forever remember the first taste of Bella's skin and the incomparable feeling of being inside her for the first time.

More than anything, we had a powerful, lasting bond. My heart was her heart, and I knew it went both ways. We could no longer function or exist apart.

I would always feel remorse for hurting Alice, but you can't stop what is meant to be. Bella was meant to spend her life in my arms, and Alice was meant to live out her dreams in France. All the details in between were mere technicalities anymore.

When we arrived at our new home, Peter opened the doors to the storefront-turned-studio and encouraged us to look around. Boxes upon boxes of our belongings littered the vast space, and I was eager to begin getting things unpacked and in order. Bella beamed as she spun around in circles over and over again, taking in every square inch of her new workspace.

Peter's phone beeped, and he excused himself to make a call, handing off the keys to our apartment upstairs before stepping outside. With a smile, I took Bella's hand and pulled her up the staircase at the back of the studio. At the top, I unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked when I held her back.

"This."

I swept her off her feet and cradled her in my arms. Kissing her once, I carried her through the archway of our new home. As I set her back on her feet, I pinned her against the wall, using my arms to cage in her petite body.

"_Home,_" she said softly…reverently.

A hum and nod were all I gave her in return with my playful smirk.

I was so fucking happy.

"Home," I repeated, delighting in the way that word tasted on my tongue.

My mouth crashed against hers in wild abandon until she stopped my needful moans by giggling and pushing me away. Her chin tipped down in a coy gesture, but she glanced up at me through her eyelashes.

"Jasper…"

"Bella…"

"I love you," we blurted simultaneously, smiling at our _moment_. It was the first time we had spoken those words to one another, and it was perfect.**

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**

**The End**


	9. Outtake of PBJ awesome You must read

**A/N: SMeyer could never write this shit. I am the perv responsible here. Nuff said.**

**This was written for LaViePastiche & ElleCC b/c they love the PBJ. You can thank them later.**

**If you have not read SD, fear not! This outtake doesn't need much explanation & can be a stand-alone. See below:  
**

_Setting: Sometime in the future, after Bella & Jasper move to San Diego. The only background info you need is that in the final chapter of SD, Peter helps them find an old store building with an apartment on the second floor. They turn it into their shared studio & live upstairs._

**For my faithful readers, please keep in mind that this is an OUTTAKE and is completely AU from the story. Believe me, Jasper & Bella learned their lesson after chapter 5.**

**Soooooo......there will be smut. Lots of it. Slash, DP, awesome, it's all there. Please R&R and validate my ass.**

**Thanks to Legna989, who is LVP & Elle's beta, so I convinced her to beta this for (my) their sake. Extra thanks to mskathy who ensured me that the DP was allllll good. A lil more to ECullenitis & 4lettrwrd for prereading/drooling.**

**Here are some visuals: http :// bit. ly/6186BO (remove spaces, obvs.)**

**Enjoy the perv-tastic show, my darlings.**

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**

I awoke from another strange dream feeling confused and soaked in sweat. Sitting up in bed, I ran my fingers through my damp hair and stared at the clock, blinking my eyes to focus on the bright red numbers.

_4:07_

_Fuck this._

"You all right, sugar?" Jasper asked, rubbing my back as he sat up to join me. "You were tossing for a while there."

"I don't know," I admitted. "I was having some kind of dream again, but I can't really remember it."

"Something bad?"

"I'm not sure."

He wrapped his arms around me reassuringly, pulling me against his hard, warm body. He was shirtless, and I loved the way his smooth skin felt against mine. With a kiss on the top of my head, he nuzzled against me sweetly.

"I think I need a shower. I feel so gross," I told him.

I could have guessed his next question before he asked it. "Care for some company?"

"You don't have to," I said, looking up at him. "Go back to sleep. I'll be in when I'm done."

"What if I want to?"

Laughing, I skipped off the bed and toward our bathroom. Tossing my hair over my shoulder, I looked back at him and raised my eyebrows. "Are you coming or what?"

He chuckled, deep and sexy, bounding off the bed and scooping me off the ground easily.

//PBJ\\

"I think Peter may be moving to San Diego," Jasper told me a few weeks later when we were carrying groceries inside from our trip to the store. I had one reusable sack on each shoulder as we walked up the steps and Jasper held two in each hand.

"Really?" I asked, hoisting one bag up as I reached for my keys. "Where does he live now?"

"New York City."

"So why the move?"

"Well, I'm his main client now, so he's thinking about getting back into real estate," he explained. "Helping us find this place piqued his interest again, and he's looking into his options here. He wants a change."

"It would be nice to have another friend here," I said, smiling at my sexy, shaggy-haired boyfriend. "I know it would make you really happy."

Peter came to town a couple weeks later to check out a few prospective real estate companies and decide what he was interested in the most. Jasper said he was leaning toward commercial property sales.

We had him over to dinner one night and all had a nice time chatting and hanging out together.

I liked Peter a lot. He had a really great sense of humor and could spit out funny comebacks and quips like a stand-up comedian. His style wasn't overly crass or rude with his jokes, just clever and light. The best part was his smile that always accompanied his humorous comments or stories. It was the kind of smile that made you want to grin in response because it lit up his whole face. I could tell from the first time we met that there was a nice sense of camaraderie between Peter and Jasper that went beyond a business relationship. They had obviously become good friends at some point, and the more I saw them together, the more evident that was.

"What made you want to leave New York?" I asked as we sliced the rich chocolate cake he had brought.

I watched him take a deep breath and twist his lips to the side in an uncharacteristic manner.

"I'm sorry," I said immediately. "If there's something you don't want to talk about, I really don't mind. It's not my business."

"No, no, Bella, it's fine," he said, stopping me with a quick hand gesture. "It's something I prefer not rehashing, but you should know, and I would rather tell you than leave that burden for Jasper."

I looked to Jasper, who appeared sympathetic, giving Peter a nod to continue.

"The long and short of it is that I was really only in New York City for my ex-wife."

My eyes widened involuntarily. I had no idea that Peter had been married. I wondered if it was something that Jasper had told me and I hadn't remembered.

Jasper chimed in when Peter hesitated over where to go with the story. "Charlotte was an interim professor when I was doing my graduate work. That's how we met."

"We met when I was a freshman in college," Peter explained. "She had graduated the year before and was at a Homecoming event the day we were introduced. That was in Ohio, by the way. Anyhow, we connected immediately, and my age never seemed to matter to her. She stayed in the area for me, so I agreed to find work wherever she wanted once I graduated. We got married the summer between my junior and senior year, and then packed up for New York the next year. That's how I eventually started working in real estate, and on the side I would essentially serve as Charlotte's manager, helping her with many of the same things I do for Jasper.

"In college, it was just extra help, since she wasn't really well known as a sculptor yet, but once we were in New York, her work gained popularity. When I met Jasper, Charlotte had already talked me into managing two other artists and quitting my job. Things worked out well until a year and a half ago when she decided that she didn't like me as both her husband and business manager. She hired someone new, and our marriage went downhill fast from there. The other people she hooked me up with dropped me as well, and that left only Jasper and a couple minor clients I had adopted on my own."

"What he's leaving out is that she turned into a monumental bitch who constantly belittled him," Jasper piped in suddenly. My eyes widened at his choice of words, but he just shrugged. "What? She did."

"Yeah, that's a good assessment," Peter confirmed. "There was no coming back from that kind of insult, not that she really tried. I moved out, focused on Jasper, and started looking into some different options for myself. That's about it. I never really liked New York, and I didn't want to stay near her, so moving made sense. I liked it here when I was helping you guys find the building, and here I am. Hopefully I'll be able to find a good job."

"I'm sure you will," I said with a smile.

Our conversation turned lighter after a few more questions, and we all finished our cake and wine before the guys insisted that I take a break while they cleaned up after dinner. I thanked them, taking the stairs down into the studio to make sure everything was shut down and locked up properly for the night.

When I returned, I could hear laughter from the kitchen and I walked in to find Jasper with the sprayer hose in his hand and Peter's white tee shirt soaked through, clinging to his chest…and his nipples. I had already thought Peter was extremely good looking with his short dark hair and bright blue eyes, but my attraction to him grew exponentially when I saw the outline of his lean, cut body. He was built much like Jasper, just slightly shorter and more even through his torso. His body didn't taper quite as much as Jasper's, as Peter's shoulders weren't as wide. That didn't make him any less appealing, just different from the body I was used to seeing every day.

"Jasper, you ass," I said as I walked into the room. "What are you guys doing?"

"I'm the ass?" Jasper defended jokingly. "This guy threw the sponge across the kitchen and splashed dishwater in my face."

The entire time, Peter was laughing and wiping his face on the dry patches of cotton on his shoulders.

"What are you two, thirteen years old? Let me go get you a shirt, Peter."

I returned with one of Jasper's clean tee shirts in hand and passed it to Peter.

"Thanks, Bella," he smiled before heading to the bathroom to change.

That night, I woke up from one of my strange dreams I couldn't remember yet again. It bugged the hell out of me because I felt like I _should_ remember what happened, I just couldn't.

A month passed, and the dreams kept coming. I felt as though there was either something salacious or scary about them, considering that I woke up sweating after each one, but the feeling in my gut was never fear or distress, it was just sort of unsettled and worked up.

Peter visited again, this time for a couple final interviews. I insisted that he stay with us, utilizing our otherwise unoccupied guest room. He said he didn't want to impose, but I shut him down. It was ridiculous for him to pay for a hotel room when we had the space to spare.

We all got to hang out quite a bit more, and again, it was a lot of fun. Jasper and Peter continued with their boyish antics, and I laughed each time, never able to truly scold them. We had met a lot of people since moving, but we hadn't made any good friends like this yet. It was nice that I felt such an immediate liking for Peter. He was easy to get along with and a downright great guy. I hoped that he would be able to meet someone nice once he moved and got settled in San Diego. I never told the guys that I overheard their conversation about Peter "needing to get laid." His dry spell was a subject I chose to stay away from and let them handle. It wasn't as though Peter couldn't find a little action if he wanted it, but I understood his desire to have more than a one-night stand, especially since he had once been married.

The last night of his stay, I awoke in the middle of the night from one of my dreams. This time was different. I remembered something.

_Jasper and Peter, together. As in, _together_ together._

I kept that information to myself when Jasper sat up to soothe me, and I avoided both their eyes the next morning as Peter prepared for his flight back to New York.

//PBJ\\

_I walked toward the kitchen, feeling a sense of déjà vu as I listened to the masculine laughter coming from that room. When I walked in, I found Jasper with the hose in his hand and Peter wiping water from his dripping hair and face. His white shirt was soaked through, translucent and clinging to his muscled chest._

_They didn't seem to notice my presence when I entered, as their eyes were trained on one another. Jasper dropped the hose into the sink with a clatter, walking toward Peter with some sort of determination in his gaze._

_I gasped when Jasper reached for the hem of his friend's shirt, pulling it up over his stomach, revealing chiseled abs. Peter lifted his arms in the air compliantly, allowing my boyfriend to remove the wet garment completely. Once the shirt was tossed aside, his hands fell to Peter's shoulders, fingers sliding down his chest slowly as they stared at one another. When he reached the waist of Peter's jeans, his fingers dipped inside, pulling the other man's body close to his._

That's when I woke up, gasping and panting for air.

"Bella, honey, are you okay?" Jasper asked, sounding more desperate and frightened than he normally did when I had these episodes.

"What? Huh?" I grunted, still completely disoriented. "Why are you shaking me?"

"Sweetheart, you were moaning. I thought you were in pain or something. Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine." I finally started coming to, and the images of my dream grew clearer and clearer as I did.

_Holy fuck._

"What's the matter, then?"

"Oh, nothing's the matter," I said seductively, suddenly having something else in mind. I whipped my nightgown off quickly, straddling Jasper's waist and attacking his neck with hard, sucking kisses before he could protest.

That night, a week after Peter's most recent visit, was the first time I found myself completely ravenous after waking from one of those dreams. It was not the last time.

As days and weeks passed, Jasper grew accustomed to my nighttime sex ritual. He was less concerned and worried when I woke wet and short of breath, and he always welcomed my advances with open arms. I stopped bothering with night clothes, and he eventually did the same.

The sex was wild. We always had a great connection, and I was never bored with him, but this was so different from the things we did during the daylight hours. I never told him the reasons for my sudden horniness, but he knew it was something about my dreams. They became more vivid and detailed each night, and they always made me incredibly horny and in need of a serious release. Those late night romps gave way to experimenting with different positions, contorting our bodies to reach maximum pleasure. We christened every surface of our home repeatedly, and it never got old. Even when we both went to work weary or with dark circles under our eyes, we knew it was worthwhile. We even started going to bed early, knowing that we would probably be up in the middle of the night fucking like rabbits.

_The dream started the same every time, with the scene in the kitchen, Jasper removing Peter's shirt, and their hard bodies colliding._

_Peter's arms wove around Jasper's back, snaking up until they were in his long, disheveled hair. He yanked Jasper's head back forcefully, licking his neck in a long line from where it met his shoulder, all the way up to his ear. Sucking the tender lobe into his mouth, he hummed in appreciation of Jasper's hands on his waist._

_It was a blur of motion after that. Jasper's hands moved inward, unbuckling Peter's belt before yanking it open to provide access to his jeans. Peter paused from his actions momentarily to tug Jasper's shirt off as well, leaving them bare-chested and pressed together. I imagined how warm and enticing their skin was, rubbing sensually. I wanted to smell their masculine scents mingling together to create a heady aroma that was pure man._

"_Come here, sexy," Peter demanded, aligning his lips with Jasper's and kissing him forcefully. He groaned as their mouths opened. I could see tongues dart out and dance together, making sloppy, sweet noises as their kiss deepened._

_Jasper bit down on Peter's lower lip, dragging his teeth across it as he pulled, following the motion with his lips as he sucked greedily. Their kissing resumed with new excitement, harsh and beautiful._

_I had never been "into" guy-on-guy porn, but this wasn't pornography. It was art in its finest form. _

How fitting.

_Peter leaned his forehead against Jasper's chest, curling his arms around Jasper's like a pretzel until they lowered, entwining their hands together. Jasper brought one tangled set of fingers to his mouth, placing an individual kiss on each of Peter's knuckles before moving his mouth up the other man's arm with languid kisses. Their mouths eventually met again, and they carefully resumed removing each other's pants._

_Peter's slid down first, being kicked away when they reached his ankles, then Jasper's fell to the floor in a similar manner. Jasper pinned Peter against the counter, rubbing his hand over the obvious erection that was still covered in cotton boxers. While stroking Peter over the fabric, he slipped his other hand beneath the band of his own shorts, running his hand up and down his own shaft in time with his friend's._

"_I miss being close to you," Jasper whispered into Peter's ear, making his companion shiver and inhale sharply._

"_I miss you, too….I need to feel you."_

_Upon those words, Peter's hands worked his own boxers down, releasing his cock from its confines before moving to shove Jasper's down as well. His hands joined his partner. Peter's dick was in Jasper's hand with Peter's over it for guidance. On Jasper's, it was the opposite arrangement. As they jacked each other off, they resumed kissing, first on the mouth, and then taking turns peppering kisses on one another's faces and necks. Their moans and groans were deep and sexy, interspersed between brief words of direction or appreciation._

_Releasing both his hands, Peter pushed Jasper back until his back hit the counter on the other side of the kitchen. Once Jasper was firmly in place, Peter dropped to his knees in front of Jasper and stared at his beautiful cock the same way I did so very often. He engulfed the length in his mouth, sucking him deeply and with ease. _

_My stomach flipped seeing someone else do that to my man. There was jealousy, but mostly, I enjoyed the sight._

_Jasper responded the same way he always did with me. His hands were tentative on the back of Peter's head, toying with his hair and trying not to be too forceful while guiding the attention being lavished upon his aching need._

_To both of our surprise, Jasper forced Peter away suddenly. "Not like this," he said firmly. "I have other plans for you. Sliding down onto the floor with Peter, he pressed him against the tile, kissing down his body until he reciprocated the fierce blow job._

_I watched Jasper's head bob, blonde locks of hair falling around his face and tickling Peter's thighs. I knew that sensation well. He worked faster than Peter had, his movements more forceful and demanding. Peter didn't grab at Jasper's hair, instead petting it and running his fingertips over Jasper's broad shoulders. When Peter did finally clutch the loose, honey hair, I knew he was close to his release. Jasper pulled away for a moment, slicking his middle finger with saliva before moving his hand beneath Peter, who lifted his hips slightly in acceptance. Peter choked on his last breath, groaning loudly as Jasper resumed his actions with hand and mouth. Both men growled when Peter thrust into Jasper's face, holding his pelvis in the air until he was released and relieved._

"_That was so amazing," Peter complimented, shaking his head from side to side with a lazy grin painted across his face. _

_Jasper sat up on his knees, pulling Peter from the floor a minute later. "Up, big boy, I have more plans for you."_

_Peter shot him a questioning look, standing and waiting for direction._

_Jasper picked up his discarded jeans and pulled two square packages from the pocket. I briefly wondered what he was doing with condoms and lube so readily available, but I was too enamored with the show to really care._

_He guided Peter toward the dining room table, turning him around and forcing him to bend over and rest his forearms against the dark cherry surface._

"_I'm gonna fuck you so hard. Are you ready for me?" he asked, preparing himself all the while._

_Peter was obviously ready _and_ willing as he spread his legs, assuming the position to be taken. It only took Jasper a few more moments before he was spreading lubrication on Peter's firm ass and holding his cock against the opening. Somehow, I had an incredible view of the scene, and it registered that they didn't know I was there watching._

_My eyes widened and my own intimate areas fluttered as Jasper's cock – my cock – disappeared inside the other man with a careful, gentle pump. My nipples hardened when I heard Peter cry out in pleasure, murmuring things about how good it felt to have Jasper filling him that way. I shared a similar sentiment about my man._

_As they began, Jasper ran his hands up and down Peter's back, caressing him while he rocked his hips in a steady, slow rhythm. It wasn't long before Jasper began moving faster, gripping Peter's shoulders tightly as he did what he promised and fucked him hard._

_The table shook beneath them, sliding slightly with every few forceful thrusts. Both men were loud and uninhibited. I knew the signs of Jasper's impending release, and I saw it approaching. That was when Peter fell onto one arm, resting more of his upper body on the table as he freed a hand to stroke his own cock. He pumped furiously while Jasper fucked him, begging for anything and everything._

"_Are you ready to come?" Jasper asked, a commanding tone echoing in his question._

_Peter nodded quickly, muttering some form of agreement, and Jasper moved in longer, harder strokes, really rocking the table this time. Peter's hand worked at a furious pace until he shot a stream of sticky white fluid all over the floor. His entire body seemed to clench, and Jasper's reacted in kind, stilling as he grunted his own release._

"Oh god! Yes! Uuuhhhhhhh!"

"Bella? Bella! Wake up!"

"Mmm…Peter…yeah."

"What the hell? Bella, wake the fuck up already."

"Oh, what's going on?" I asked, opening my eyes and rubbing the sleep away with balled fists.

"Thank fucking god you're awake. You've been thrashing and moaning for ten minutes straight." I was startled by Jasper's tone. It wasn't his usual soothing voice, and he certainly never yelled at me when I woke up from my crazy dreams.

I scooted toward him, running my hand from the small of his back, over his ass, but he shifted away from me.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

His answering laugh was sarcastic and just…wrong.

"Tell me what's the matter so I can make it better."

"You want to know what's the matter?" he snapped. I nodded dumbly. "The fucking matter is that you've been squirming around the bed yelling Peter's fucking name. Do you care to explain? Is this why you've been waking up horny as a drunk sorority girl every night? You've been having sex dreams about my friend?"

"What? No!" I defended. "That's not…it's…no!"

"Then what exactly _is_ happening, Bella?" he spat. "I thought, well, you say my name sometimes, but I'm a little concerned over this. Do you have something you need to tell me?"

"Oh my god," I groaned, falling back to my pillow and burying my face in the pillowcase. After shaking my head several times, I rolled over and stared up at him. "Yes, I've been having sex dreams."

I watched as Jasper's jaw clenched, but he stayed quiet, waiting for further explanation.

Sitting up once more, I faced him and placed my hands over his. "Honey, I've been having sex dreams _about you_."

He sighed in relief, and I steeled myself with a deep breath before telling him the rest.

"And Peter," I finished.

"Jesus," he muttered, tugging on his hair. "That's fucking lovely."

"No, Jasper, I don't think you get it," I explained slowly. "I haven't been dreaming about having sex with you guys."

"You just said you've been having sex dreams."

"Yeah, but they don't so much involve me, if you know what I mean."

Realization lit his face after he silently repeated my words to himself. He gulped audibly, staring at me with a blank expression on his face.

"As in, me and Peter _together_?"

"Umm, yes?" I squeaked, suddenly very embarrassed.

"Damn, Bella."

What shocked the shit out of me the most was that he didn't sound mad. He sounded almost relieved by my admission.

"You're not mad?" I asked meekly.

"No, I'm not mad. A little weirded out, but not mad at you. It's not like you can really control what you dream."

"Thanks."

"You don't really want me to screw Peter, though, do you?" he asked with a hint of nervousness in his voice. "Oh hell, was it the other way around? Damn it, I need brain bleach."

"Settle down, I won't give you details, but if it makes you feel any better, you were the one in charge."

"In a creepy, skeevy sort of way, that does make me feel better," he said, wrapping an arm around me and kissing my cheek. "And by the way, we're totally not having sex tonight. Your gay porn has kinda killed the mood, so you can sleep this one off."

I laughed at him, and though I was very worked up, I agreed. We snuggled close, holding onto one another until we fell asleep.

//PBJ\\

We eventually faced the topic of my crazy dreams again a few days later, and it was an incredibly awkward conversation at first. I explained that I did find Peter attractive, but that I would never pursue that attraction. I understood that Jasper was worried in a defensive, self-preserving sort of way. I couldn't blame him, considering how we ended up together in the first place. But that didn't matter. I was his, and there was no one on earth who could tear us apart.

It hurt to think that Jasper might not trust me, even after all this time and the commitment we had made to each other. His trust meant the world to me and without it, what did we have? He reassured me that it was just residual nerves that only existed because he loved me so much and could not fathom losing me. I understood those feelings completely.

What shocked the hell out of me was three weeks later when Jasper brought up the subject of Peter once again.

"Well, he's going to be staying with us for a couple days until the closing on his house. Will you be okay with that?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I promise that I won't feel weird. Will you?" I asked him.

"No, it's all good, but I wanted to tell you that if you _did_ want to do things with him, I would be all right with that. So long as everyone has the understanding that it's a one time thing, that is."

Dumbfounded, I just stared at him, waiting for the punch line.

"You're joking, right?" I asked incredulously.

"Umm, no? Shit, Bella, never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Oh no," I protested. "We're not going to drop this one. Explain yourself. Now."

"All right, hear me out," he began, fumbling for the right words. "Peter and I have become really close over the years. I know he told you about Charlotte, but you have no idea what that ordeal was like for him. They were so close and so good together, but once they got married, she wanted to control every single aspect of his life. I watched it deteriorate over the years. I didn't know them until after they were already married, but I heard plenty of stories from their other friends and from both of them. He was crazy in love with her. Bella, he hasn't been with anyone since his divorce. It really wrecked him and his regard toward relationships. He's much more cautious than he probably needs to be."

I inhaled and sighed, studying his expression for some clues. "So what, you want to pass me off to him? As a pity thing?"

"No, it's not like that, I swear. It's just that, well, I know you're attracted to him, and he'd be a damn idiot to not be attracted to you. I know he at least likes you a lot, so I thought that if he had a little positive interaction with a woman, it would give him back some of the confidence he lost."

"I still don't get it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Maybe you can just flirt with him a little bit. Make him feel good about himself again, a confidence booster or something."

"Jasper…"

"Say no and I'll drop it, I promise," he said.

I sat quietly, not really sure how to react or what I could say. Eventually, I looked at him again, biting my lip. How could I possibly deny Jasper anything, even if it meant fooling around with someone else? "Maybe."

//PBJ\\

I showered, dried my hair, and put on a little camisole and boy shorts sleep set before walking out into the bedroom. I pulled my silk robe off the closet door and slid it over my shoulders, not tying it before going to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

The door opening surprised the hell out of me. The guys were supposed to have been at the bar tonight to watch some big boxing match. I definitely wasn't dressed for company, and even though Peter was staying with us right now, I expected that I would be in bed by the time they came home. Quickly, I tied my robe closed, but it still didn't cover much.

"Hey, gorgeous," Jasper said, grabbing a beer from the fridge before coming up behind me and pressing the cold bottle between my breasts.

"Whoa!" I shrieked, jumping and turning to face him. "Not nice," I pouted.

"Very nice," he countered suggestively, looking down at my now hardened nipples.

"Pervert."

"Siren."

"What are you doing home so early?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, there was a knockout in the second round. People were getting pissed off and rowdy at the bar, so we took off."

"Where's Peter?"

"He's coming. Had a phone call or something."

Pressing me against the counter, Jasper leaned down and kissed me. He was being so playful and cute that I easily lost myself in his affection. I didn't even notice that he had untied my robe until his hand was up my tank top, cupping my breast. I hummed against his lips, pushing my body closer to his.

We were interrupted by approaching footsteps. "Oh shit, sorry guys. Didn't mean to barge in on your private moment. I'll just…go. Yeah…"

"Peter! Wait, man, come back," Jasper called to him, not bothering to remove his hand from my chest. He continued kneading me teasingly as he spoke.

Peter's eyes widened when he saw what was happening. "Uh, Jazz, are you high, buddy?"

"Nope," he replied matter-of-factly. "Come on already."

Peter approached us hesitantly, and I'm sure I looked just as perplexed as he did. At that point, I had absolutely no idea what Jasper was planning.

"Check this out," he said, yanking my robe down and pulling my shirt off quickly. There was no opportunity to protest, and he overpowered me anyway.

I stared at Jasper and then at Peter, who was trying to look away, but he kept stealing glances at my naked chest. After an attempt to fold my arms, Jasper pulled them down. He moved behind me, holding my hands behind my back and angling me to face Peter.

"Go ahead."

"Go ahead and what?" Peter asked, confused but obviously anxious.

"What do you want to do?"

"Uh, get the fuck out of here while you come down from whatever drugs you're on."

"Not high, buddy," Jasper fired back. "I'd just like to remind you what it's like to touch a woman." Leaning down to my ear, he whispered, "It's all right. Whatever you like." Then he nudged me forward, closer to Peter.

Peter took a hesitant step toward me, and I offered him a small but encouraging smile. "Is this okay with you?" he asked. I nodded, so he moved closer. His hands rose, fingertips barely skimming my stomach as he traced his way up to my chest. Once there, he circled them slowly, causing my nipples to become painfully hard. My gasp at his touch must have encouraged him because he then placed both hands firmly over my tits.

"Go on," Jasper whispered behind me.

If making his friend feel good would please him, I wanted to comply. There was no doubt that I found Peter very attractive, and had I not been with Jasper, I would not have been so hesitant. Yet here I was, just trying to make two beautiful men happy.

My hands rose of their own volition, cupping Peter's face and pulling him closer until our lips met. He kissed me back, and it was good. Really, really fucking good.

That was how it started – how I ended up bare ass naked in my kitchen, making out with my boyfriend's best friend.

That eventually led to all of us naked and in the bedroom because Jasper made one rule and I made one in return.

He told Peter that I called the shots. I told Jasper that nothing happened unless he participated, too. Only with me, of course. There would be no reenacting my Jasper/Peter dreams tonight.

Nevertheless, there we were.

I knelt on the bed between them, stroking them both at the same time. My rhythm was matched, up and down their lengths in tandem. Their reactions were different, but I continued my course, feeling the differences in their length and girth as I did.

They each rubbed one of my legs, and when their hands bumped near the top of my thighs, they did something that caught me completely off guard. They _both_ touched me. Hands wove together, and when two fingers pressed against my opening and entered me, it was one from each man. Together, they pumped in and out. Together, they rubbed circles inside me. Together, they curled those fingers and my body involuntarily bounced over them, fucking their hands.

As they teased and pleasured me, my ministrations were temporarily forgotten. Instead of stroking, I gripped their dicks – hard – frozen in place while they brought me to unbelievable heights.

"God, Jazz, she smells so fucking good," Peter groaned, turning his head toward Jasper but not opening his eyes. Jasper hummed in agreement. "Can I taste your girl?"

Jasper pulled his hand away from my body, giving my ass a firm smack of encouragement. It was all Peter needed to bend up, grab my hips, and drag me over to straddle his body.

"Get up here, beautiful," he beckoned, lying back down and guiding me toward his mouth.

As I ascended Peter's body on my knees, my eyes connect with Jasper's. He had sat up, leaning against the headboard to watch. It was one thing for us to participate in this little game together, but to have him as a spectator…it made my stomach flip. His eyes never left mine – not when Peter gripped my ass and pulled me down to his face, not when my back involuntarily arched from the contact, and not when I let out a stuttering cry of enjoyment.

The entire exchange was so strange, yet completely erotic. For so long, it had been Jasper between my legs, pulling pleasure from my body like a skilled craftsman. He knew all the right things to do to me and what words to say to drive me over the edge. To have someone else in his place and hold this visual connection with him at the same time…there just weren't words to describe how bizarre and wonderful it all was.

Peter had no trouble driving me wild and priming my body for fulfillment it craved. I couldn't help but compare. His tongue moved a little faster than I was used to, teasing and torturing. Every moment of it was good, but it was foreign. He didn't know the pattern or little tricks that would drive me over the edge like Jasper did. Still, with Jasper's powerful blue eyes commanding my attention all the while, it was almost as if he were the one pulling me closer to the edge.

When Jasper moved to his knees and rested beside me, I thought I was going to lose it. One of my hands had been in Peter's hair and the other on the headboard, but I released the frame to wrap my arm around Jasper's neck. He understood my desire and moved in to kiss me. I moaned and shifted my hips down into Peter's face, eliciting a groan from him that reverberated off my oversensitive flesh. As Jasper continued to kiss me and grope my chest, a new sensation hit me. It happened so fast that it caught me off guard, but I allowed his finger to slide into my bottom, trying to get a grasp on whether I enjoyed it or not.

Although my body was at the mercy of these two men, I somehow felt powerful in my position. How much farther would we take this? As if reading my thoughts or feelings, Jasper trailed kisses across my face until his lips pressed against my ear.

"What do you want, sugar?" he whispered so quietly that only I could hear. "You decide what happens next, but I need to be inside you so fucking bad."

I gasped at his words. While not crass or shocking, the confirmation that he was still turned on floored me.

I had no response yet. Instead, I kissed Jasper again, then tipped my head back to allow him access to my neck and shoulder. As he moved across my skin, I released his hair and slid my hand down his body once more. I took him in my fist, running up and down his cock with firm movements.

My mind focused on Peter and all the dirty, wonderful things he was doing to me. I gave my body and my thoughts over to the rapture, realizing that while I didn't necessarily get off on him touching me the way he was, the sensation of being toyed with while also being pleasured was somehow appealing. I kept my attention there, allowing myself to feel _everything_ as moans and cries in three different voices filled the room. Finally, the attention was too much, and I exploded with a loud, long mewl of relief. I stroked Jasper faster and harder, but he stilled my motions by grabbing my wrist.

Looking down at Peter, I saw that his eyes were trained on me, and I felt his lips curl into a smile. I couldn't help but smile back in thanks, stroking his hair and running my thumb over his eyebrow. Sitting up, I carefully swung my leg over his body, losing my balance despite my effort and falling back against Jasper. His arms wrapped around me protectively, steadying and stilling. I peered up at him over my shoulder, and his lips met mine softly.

"Peter, I need a moment with Jasper," I said without thinking. "We'll be right back, okay? Stay here."

He looked hesitant for a moment, but my smile must have given him the proper reassurance I intended because he grinned back and nodded.

_Fuck, he's just as gorgeous as Jasper…_

Hopping off the bed, I clasped Jasper's hand and tugged him toward our bathroom. Once inside, I turned on the fan to muffle our conversation. I planted myself on the vanity, opening my arms to my love. He moved to me automatically, and our arms wound around each other.

"Are you all right?" he asked with genuine concern, tipping my chin up to look into my eyes with no less intensity than there had been in the bedroom moments earlier.

"Uh huh," I confirmed with a nod, puckering my lips for a kiss that he granted quickly. "Are you?"

"I told you already, we can do whatever you want. This is your night, my love."

A tingling sensation ran up my spine and I shuddered, causing Jasper to hold me tighter and rub his hands along my skin to warm me. I kissed him hard and deeply, pouring my love and gratitude into it.

"You're sure?" I asked.

"Yes, sugar. What do you want to do?"

I bit my lip, trying to figure out the best way to tell the love of my life that I wanted something so dirty and crazy. "I want both of you," I whispered, "at the same time." My eyes left his, and I waited nervously for his reply.

"That's hot as fuck," he hissed, and my head snapped up to look at him again.

"Really?"

"Oh god, yes," he said emphatically. "How do you want to, you know, do this?"

"Umm…" I mumbled nervously. "I want you to decide. I'm yours, my body is yours. You tell me what's okay and that's what we'll do."

He nodded, staying quiet for a moment to consider my words. "Well, for your sake, I think it might be better if I'm, uh…in the front." I shot him a questioning look, so he continued. "Well, I saw him, you know? I'm a bit bigger, so it would probably be better this way. Plus, it would really…"

"What, honey?" I asked, rubbing the inside of my legs against the outside of his.

"He won't _really _be fucking you, not the way I do," he said quickly. A string of other words burst from his lips so fast that I had to bite back a giggle. "I mean, after everything we've already done, it's not like it matters at this point, but it still kind of does. Well, unless you _want_ to fuck him, which you can if you want because I told you that you could, but if I get the choice here, this," he said, placing his hand over my pussy, "is mine."

My sharp intake of breath broke him from his anxious rant, and he gave me a devious half smile, wiggling his fingers against my swollen, eager flesh. I had to pull away in order to stay focused.

"We should get back out there before we get too distracted," I said.

He agreed, rooting through the medicine cabinet to retrieve some lube and a condom from the stash we kept around in case I ever had a lapse in my birth control.

When we walked out of the bathroom, Peter's eyebrows lifted expectantly, and he sat up, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed. He had placed a pillow in his lap, and I couldn't really blame him for wanting some kind of cover while he waited for us. I imagined that sitting alone and naked on someone else's bed was probably not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Jasper gave me a nudge, and I walked over to his friend first, climbing into his lap and kissing him. His arms wound around me immediately, pulling my body until it was flush against his.

"Did you like that earlier?" Jasper asked him, and Peter nodded without releasing my mouth.

I slipped my hand between us and began to stroke him. His semi-erection hardened completely the moment I took him in my hand. "I want you both…" I told him, "…at the same time."

With my words, Peter's body stiffened and he groaned loudly. "Seriously?" he asked, pulling back to look at me and then Jasper. I gave him a huge smile and nodded.

I climbed out of Peter's lap, and Jasper handed him the condom and lube before taking his place on the bed. Jasper piled some pillows against the headboard and sat as far back as he could. I moved to him, straddling his lap while we played with each other and prepared. His hands were all over me, touching and brushing and squeezing until I couldn't stand it any longer. I grabbed him firmly, positioning the head of his cock at my entrance and rubbing it there to tease us both before plunging onto him. We rode out the initial thrill for a few moments before stilling our movements to look back at Peter.

"Anytime you're ready," I smiled, using my hand to beckon him closer.

"Okay," he said shakily, taking a few deep breaths before kneeling behind me on the bed. I heard the faint tear of the condom wrapper and the pop of the lube lid as he prepared himself. The sounds were faint, but I understood that he was coating himself before adding a little more to his fingers for me.

Jasper and I stayed still as Peter's hand connected with my body, spreading the slippery liquid over my ass and dipping in carefully to make sure I was ready. I looked back at him with a confident gaze of permission, and he moved his body closer. I leaned against Jasper, resting my head on his shoulder and relaxing as I felt Peter press into me.

He was slow and gentle, but the sensation was still a bit uncomfortable at first. I was just so fucking _full_. I wasn't sure if my body could handle this, no matter how much everything at the center of my body begged to be consumed by these two men at the same time.

I held tighter to Jasper, biting his shoulder as Peter pushed in further. "Are you all right?" he whispered in my ear, rubbing my back soothingly.

"Yeah…it's just a lot at once. Are you?"

"It's a little weird cuz I can feel both of you, but I'm all right if you are," he confirmed. "Peter? You good, man?"

Peter groaned loudly, sliding into me until his hips met my ass. "Uh huh," he moaned in a strangled tone. "Oh fuck, Bella…so hot. You okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, lifting my head to look back at him.

"How do we do this?" the dark-haired man asked, rubbing my hips lightly. I could tell he wanted to move – needed to – but he was waiting until I was ready.

"It's…a bit much," I admitted. "Can you guys, umm, alternate?"

A look of concern washed over Jasper's face immediately, and he pulled back, lifting me off him until he was barely inside me. I immediately felt relief from the intense pressure. Peter shifted automatically, responding to the freedom.

"I'm sorry," he stuttered, thrusting slowly a few times. "Oh god, it's so fucking tight." His fingers dug into my hips as Jasper and I allowed him a few moments to adjust.

It was a bit overwhelming for all of us.

Once he calmed down, the guys found a steady rhythm, taking turns pushing into me and pulling out slowly. There was some awkward fumbling and positioning at first, but once they created a steady pattern, I was able to get into the groove with them and truly enjoy myself.

Suddenly, with this new compatibility of our bodies, bliss and pure fucking euphoria washed over me. This was so much more than regular sex. I was never empty, never left wanting. Everything was just so unbelievably intense, feeling both of them inside my body at the same time. Jasper kissed and soothed me, and as Peter got comfortable, he snaked one arm around my body to fondle my breasts. It was sensory overload and everything good and amazing and intoxicating all at once.

There were so many noises, and it became nearly impossible to decipher who each one came from as they blended in the air. Grunts, cries, and moans sounded animalistic and primal, making the entire experience so much more erotic. Never in my life had I imagined something like this was possible. We all exchanged words of concern for one another, but no one more than Jasper. His love for me was evident in the way he asked his questions and tenderly caressed my body.

I could tell when they were both getting closer to their release because everything became faster and more fevered. They still showed complete care and concern for me through their actions and their kisses all over my back and chest, respectively, but there was no denying their need. Mine was just as strong and forceful.

It started with quicker, more insistent thrusts, and I eagerly worked my body with each of theirs. I pressed forward into Jasper and backward toward Peter. Everything was a huge, cloudy blur of feelings, sounds, and needs. Flesh slapped together, hands groped, fingers dug, teeth nipped, chests rumbled. Somehow, we were all working at the same time, and on this round, it wasn't painful or too much – it wasn't enough. I relished the way they both filled me, and I could hear them groan and react to the way their cocks rubbed together through the thin flesh inside me that separated them. It no longer mattered that Jasper and I loved one another and he was sharing me, it didn't matter that the two men had no interest in being intimate with one another. We all had one care, one single concern in mind, and that was reaching the pinnacle of this primal act, the summit of our mountain of pleasure. The details of how we got there were no longer on our mind, as long as all three of us were able to reap the utter fucking bliss of this act.

Peter was the first to go, stiffening against my back and pushing me hard into Jasper. He pulled out of me carefully, rolling off to the side of the bed as we finished.

Jasper immediately flipped me onto my back, driving into me hard, moaning my name and his love over and over again. He kissed me when he could, but it was too difficult to connect our mouths in the frenzy.

"I know, Jasper, it's okay," I reassured him, giving him permission to do whatever he had to and not worry about maintaining that connection. He had done enough already to show me his heart.

With my assent, he hooked my legs over his shoulders and gave us both exactly what we needed. I writhed against the mattress, gripping the crumpled bedspread tightly in my hands to relieve some of the tension as a hard, much-needed orgasm rocked my entire body. My reaction must have been exactly what he needed as well because moments later, he gave me one final slam, releasing my legs and collapsing on top of me. We panted and rested together, lazily touching one another as our bodies calmed.

"How you doing?" I asked Peter as my head lolled to the side. He was still breathing heavily, staring up at the ceiling with one hand over his heart.

"I should be the one asking you that question," he said, tipping his head toward Jasper and me, providing us with a glimpse of his dazzling smile. "I'm great," he finally answered, reaching over to stroke my cheek with the back of his hand, then slap Jasper on the back. With that, he rose from the bed, picking up his boxers as he walked toward the bathroom.

"So _are_ you all right?" Jasper asked, raising himself off my chest and staring down at me with loving concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I could use a hot bath," I admitted with a little shrug. "Otherwise…that was unfuckingbelievable."

"God, I don't even have words, Bella. You are a goddess." He bent down, kissing me tenderly and pushing sticky, sweat-soaked pieces of hair off my face. "I love you so much."

"And I love you," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck to hug him.

Slowly, we sat up. Jasper found his shorts and slipped them on, then tossed me my panties and his tee shirt. By the time I had them on, Peter emerged from the bathroom, scratching the back of his head and looking at us as he moved toward the door.

"So, umm, I'm just gonna head to the guest room," he chuckled nervously. "Good night?"

"Hey, come here," I said, moving toward him. He closed the gap between us and allowed me to wrap my arms around him. After a firm hug, I looked up at him, using my hand to angle his head down to mine for a kiss. "No nerves. We're good, all right?"

His eyes darted from mine to Jasper, who was still a few feet behind me by the bed. Jasper stepped forward, holding his hand out for Peter to shake. Peter slapped his palm against his friend's, silently confirming that everything was copasetic between all of us. Peter kissed the top of my head, then handed me back to Jasper.

"Night guys…and…thanks."

I winked as he walked out of the bedroom, and Jasper moved to close the door.

"Come on, my dear," he said softly, pulling me toward the bathroom. "I think a nice hot soak in the Jacuzzi is in store for the two of us. Sound good?"

"Sounds wonderful," I smiled, following him into our bathroom where he lit candles and turned off the lights as I filled the tub with steaming, soothing hot water.

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**E/N: HFS, review & tell me it wasn't terrible. Personally, I love this shit.**

**I will post a brief PeterPOV tomorrow. I didn't plan it, but he needed to give you his side of things. *snuggles Peter***

**Thanks for reading!!!  
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	10. An extra helping of PBJ

**A/N: Not my characters, just my perviliciousness. No copyright infringement intended.**

**This is a companion to the PBJ outtake in the previous chapter. I never planned to write it, but once I had Peter on the brain, he was standing behind my desk chair, whispering dirty things in my ear. It's brief, but you'll get some missing moments & a peek inside his sexy mind. I added link to the visuals for these characters to the previous chapter & my profile. Enjoy!**

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**Peter POV**

I was dumbstruck when Jasper called me back into the kitchen as I tried to make my escape. He and Bella were obviously sharing some sort of intimate moment, and I didn't want to interrupt.

Still, I listened to him and stepped closer to them. My innate trust for my closest friend was the driving force behind my actions, compelling my feet to move.

Words were exchange, a proposal was inferred. I was completely caught up, trying to wrap my head around what Jasper was suggesting while attempting to show a little respect by not openly ogling Bella's slender body, only covered in a tiny pair of underwear since he stripped her. Her skin was smooth and inviting, calling to me in a way that no woman's body had since Charlotte.

Then we were kissing, touching. Jasper was still behind her, rubbing her shoulders at first, and then sliding those little shorts over the slope of her round ass. I jumped slightly when his arm came around her body, grabbing my wrist and guiding my hand down between her legs.

_Heaven. Pure fucking Heaven._

She was bare and slick, soft like satin and yielding to my touch.

I was nervous as hell. Not because I doubted my abilities, you don't lose skills like that, no matter how long you go without. It was just so foreign and wonderful, pure joy, but the fact that this was my buddy's girl and he was still standing behind her never left my mind.

Yet her little breathy cries continued to undo me. Her body responded to every touch, and I wondered how she could possibly be so receptive. Was there something I was missing? They had never once suggested or led me to believe that they wanted something like this, but maybe Jasper had a secret side as a swinger or some shit of that hedonistic variety. Or maybe it really was me that made her react that way.

"Do you want to feel my fingers in you, Bella?" I asked, both because I had to know what she wanted and because the dirty words felt good on my tongue after so long.

"Please," she whimpered, jutting her hips toward me, but leaning her head back against Jasper's chest.

I gave into her desire – and my own – slipping between the petals of soft, pink flesh and giving her a single finger. She immediately seized around me, tightening from within. I hadn't forgotten that delicious sensation, but it had been in a far corner of my mind for so long. I relished her automatic, instinctive response to me and began moving inside her.

Everything was so good. Jasper stepped back, moving away to watch and encourage us. My nerves were still causing my heart to beat hard from within my chest as he moved behind me, and I assumed he was doing so to watch Bella's face as I pleasured her.

He was close behind me then, and while my mind wondered for the briefest moment if he was going to try something with me, I squashed that notion. I was certain that was not his style. There was an unspoken comfort when he came close to my ear and whispered.

"I'm sharing with you, Peter. Anything goes, as long as it's all right with Bella. She calls the shots, and you don't push her if she says no, got it?"

"Yeah…of course," I stuttered, incredibly grateful in that moment for this strange and wonderful opportunity. A new fire was lit in me, one I hadn't felt in so long. Where other women made me uneasy, Bella offered peace. I knew she wouldn't have any expectations for me, she was already Jasper's. That thought helped me relax a fraction. She seemed slightly hesitant, as I was, but we both fed off Jasper's confidence and encouragement.

Bella shifted slightly, pulling back from me and off my hand. I worried that it was the signal of the end of our brief but incredible game.

"Wait," she said, and Jasper was immediate back beside her, wrapping his protective arms around her slight body and imploring her for an explanation. "You too. If we do this, I want you too."

I immediately took a step backward, putting my hands in the air defensively. "Whoa, on that note, I think we'll call this off. Maybe I should just go stay at a hotel tonight."

"Hey!" Bella protested, wiggling one of her arms free from Jasper and grabbing my arm to keep me there. "That's not what I meant. Jasper's not like that, and I'm guessing you're not either." I watched them exchanged some look I didn't understand, but there was no time to analyze or question it. "If I'm the one being shared and controlling this, then I get you both. A _V_, not a triangle, okay?" she clarified.

With that new understanding of her desires, I nodded in agreement, suddenly more bold than I had been thus far.

"Bedroom, clothes off, lay down," she demanded, and Jasper and I were both quick to follow orders.

I don't even know how everything happened from there, but we were doing crazy things on their bed, all noisy and wonderful. Acoustic music played in the background, but it was a mere backdrop to the guttural cries of pleasure and soft sounds of slippery foreplay.

I thought things were going well when she let me pull her onto my face. Even though she and Jasper were watching one another, my eyes never left her body or face. She was delicious and unhinged, riding my tongue while sharing a moment with her lover. I don't know what motivated me to take things a step further…it was a risky venture…but I just wanted to see her react, respond, and fly.

My nerves returned when they disappeared into the bathroom. Was that it? Was something more going to happen? Did I do something wrong? I wanted to flee, but she told me to stay. Feeling suddenly exposed and awkward, I put a pillow over my lap. For a fleeting moment, I felt bad about putting my dick where they lay their faces, but I was pretty sure we were beyond that mattering.

I sat up when they came out, completely convinced by that point that it was over. But it wasn't. Bella was climbing over me, tossing the pillow aside and grinding herself against me. The urge to take my dick and shove it into her wet opening was so tempting, but I resisted. It was nearly impossible with the way she let me slide between her folds, but she remedied my need by taking me in her hand, a motion that made me turn rock solid once more.

She wanted me to fuck her. In the ass.

I hadn't been with a woman in nearly two years, and she wanted me to take her while Jasper simultaneously had sex with her. The mechanics of the suggestion boggled my mind, but they were sure of the choice and quickly moved into position, handing me the tools I needed before I could second guess this new turn of events. Watching them made me hornier than I cared to admit, but it was so damn erotic that I couldn't help myself. Bella was endearingly jittery, but she still wanted this. As she positioned herself in Jasper's lap, I understood what I was supposed to do.

It was impossible to keep from brushing against my friend as I moved closer to Bella. That was a formality I had to deal with. It wasn't as though he and I were going to do anything together, so I accepted it for what it was in order to make this happen. It was what Bella wanted, and it was also a gift to me. I didn't know why my friends desired this, but I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity.

I went slowly, trying to be as gentle as possible as I pushed the boundaries of Bella's body. A wash of guilt came over me for not asking her if she had ever done this before. Not _this_ in particular, but anal sex in general. I should have checked. If she hadn't, she may have been nervous. I could have soothed her or done something extra. I didn't know what, but it seemed logical to want to comfort her, considering that my dick was invading her body. I knew that some women really liked it, but others did not. Charlotte had enjoyed it in our earlier years when we were young and open to experimenting. I hoped it would be pleasurable for Bella and not uncomfortable.

She seemed to be okay, leaning against Jasper's shoulder and encouraging me. I was relieved.

Once I was fully encapsulated within her, we were all still. Bella was breathing heavily, finally voicing her discomfort, which Jasper tried to alleviate immediately. I couldn't stop myself from thrusting several times once the resistance was removed. It had been way too fucking long since my cock had experienced anything other than my hand, and to add to that the vice-like tightness of this part of her body…there was no controlling me.

But we were okay.

She directed things a bit, we mumbled a few directives back and forth between the three of us, and then it finally worked itself out.

It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life and probably ever would again. I could feel her. I could feel him. A small part of me thought that should bother me, but it didn't. It wasn't as though it made me want to increase contact with Jasper, it was just so intense and erotic that it heightened _everything._ My hands roamed eventually, grabbing her round, perfect ass as we moved. I cupped her breasts as I had earlier, gauging my caresses on the amount of pleasure I felt in each thrust. I registered my friend's balls touching mine, but I couldn't find it in me to care. He was letting me fuck his girlfriend, for God's sake.

We all checked on each other between kisses and gropes, pelvic thrusts and strokes. Then we lost control. Things got fast, then faster, and faster. We weren't alternating any longer, but Bella didn't protest. She loved it, she begged for it. My name and Jasper's fell from her lips in a litany and sensual song. Harder, faster, forever, I wanted it all. The rapture was too much. It was too tight, and feeling Jasper through her body was dirty and wrong and right all at once. The sheer magnitude of the intensity was all too much, stronger than the worst case of blue balls I'd ever had, so when I came, it felt like I literally exploded. The relief and release were so forceful that it knocked the wind out of me and I had to lie down to recover.

I didn't play voyeur as Bella and Jasper sought their own climaxes together. I could hear them, but I was so blissed out and intoxicated by pleasure that the words they exchanged didn't even register. It wasn't until the movement on the bed stilled and Bella spoke to me that I came to. She checked on me, and I returned the sentiment with genuine concern, all the while smiling like a fool.

In the bathroom, I cleaned myself up slowly. As I watched the condom drop into the waste basket, I shook my head at the reality of what we had just done. My body was riding on a euphoric high, but a tiny fiber of my gut worried if and how this would change things. I said a silent prayer to the elements or gods or whoever might be listening that we would all be all right with this in the morning. After washing my hands, splashing cold water on my face, and helping myself to some mouthwash from their medicine cabinet, I pulled my boxer shorts on and placed my hand on the doorknob. With a deep breath, I opened the door to see what awaited me on the other side.

My attempt to excuse myself for the night was met with much needed reassurance from Bella first and then Jasper. They would never know how much that hug, kiss, and handshake meant to me. It was more than their words could ever express.

As I laid in the bed in their guestroom, I relived our night in my mind over and over again. Drifting off to the sleep my body craved, a new sense of hope was born in me – the hope that I could eventually find myself a woman like Bella. Not because she was beautiful and wild and Aphrodite incarnate, but because she was a woman who was so full of love and devotion that she could give herself over to the man she chose with complete faith and trust.

That was what I wanted for myself, hopefully someday soon.

San Diego was going to be a good choice for my life, I could feel it. This was just a door opening. This was the beginning.


	11. An Alice outtake

**A/N: This is an outtake I wrote for someone forever and a day ago. It is the night that Alice kissed Jasper and Rosalie at a party when they were 16. Enjoy!**

**Twilight and all associated elements are property of Stephenie Meyer. This story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All my stories are now posted on my new personal archive found at http:// sweetdulci(dot)blogspot(dot)com . Please stop by & check it out =)  
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**_Rosalie_**

I was drunk as shit, and what's-his-face had me smooshed against the wall, breathing down my neck with his tequila breath. Josh? Alec? Felix? Greg? Fuck if I could remember. After playing quarters for three hours straight, I was a wreck. I needed to find Jasper and get the hell home already.

"Rose! There you are!" a familiar voice chimed from down the hall. I turned my head to see Alice Brandon smiling at me. She then proceeded to scowl at Mr. Stinky Breath before grabbing my hand. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Uh, see you later," I slurred to Dude.

Alice looked up at me and winked, the short little thing. "I figured you wanted to retain your virginity tonight. I hope I wasn't cockblocking."

"Yeah, no," I said flatly. "Thanks. Have you seen Jasper?"

The look she gave me was unreadable. Sort of as if she knew something she wasn't sharing, with maybe a hint of, I don't know, embarrassment? I knew I was too drunk to decipher her expression.

"Yeah, earlier..." she hedged.

"God, who is he hooking up with now?" I moaned, pushing my long hair out of my face.

"No one that I know of. I think he actually got a ride home from Maria. I heard she got knocked up, and that's why she wasn't drinking tonight."

I snorted. That girl was a bitch and a regular whore. I wouldn't be surprised if it were true.

Before I realized where Alice was leading us, she had opened the door to an empty bedroom and was pushing me inside. "Come on, let's crash here. I think you'll be safe from the horny masses since we don't have a sober ride home."

Agreeing was no problem, and I quickly ditched my shoes and flopped onto the bed. We lay side by side, facing one another. A dim light filled the room from a lamp in the corner, but I knew I could have slept in a well lit hospital room at this point. A desk lamp wasn't going to bother me.

We chatted for a while about...something. Those details probably weren't important enough to remember anyway. I had known Alice forever, and we were good friends. Our social circles weren't exactly the same in high school as they had been growing up, but they crossed, so we had remained close. While I didn't ever know Alice to date or talk about anyone romantically, it didn't really surprise me when she dropped her bit of news for the night.

"So...I kissed your brother," she said simply.

"Oh yeah?" I asked suggestively, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

She laughed me off and shrugged against the mattress. "It was...anticlimactic...but useful."

"Useful? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's like, he's the only guy I've ever been attracted to, you know?"

I didn't know, so I waited for her to explain. How could anyone only be attracted to one person when they were sixteen years old?

"It was sort of a test," she continued. "I'm pretty certain now that I'm a lesbian."

I couldn't help it - I laughed. It wasn't until I noticed that she wasn't laughing with me that I realized the seriousness of her statement.

"Oh. Sorry, sweetie."

"Sorry that I'm a lesbian?"

"No, just sorry I laughed. I didn't think you were serious."

"Why not?"

"Well, you know, look at you. You're all little and feisty and hot."

"So I can't be attractive if I like girls?" she giggled.

I laughed at my own explanation, realizing what I had inferred. "Okay, I'm drunk."

Closing my eyes for a few minutes, I took a deep breath to will away some of the effects of the alcohol. I was a little surprised when I felt Alice playing with my hair, but it felt good. I hummed in appreciation, so she continued.

After a few minutes, she broke the silence. "You know, you're pretty feisty and hot yourself," she said quietly.

"Thanks," I said, laughing lightly. I knew I was beautiful. It had been instilled in me since I was very young, and it was no secret that I was coveted amongst our classmates. Still, it was always nice to hear.

"Must be a Hale thing," she teased.

"Must be."

Then I felt her body shift closer, and suddenly, Alice's lips were pressed against mine. At first, I was surprised, but what surprised me more than anything was that I didn't stop her.

"Is this okay?" she asked after a moment.

When I opened my eyes and nodded, our mouths met again. This time, she began to move slightly, and I found myself meeting those movements. First, smackering, small kisses, then a lip tug here, and a nibble there. I gasped when her tongue extended out to mine, but I still didn't stop.

In my mind, a thousand thoughts raced in different directions, fighting the inebriation that clouded my sensibilities. On the one hand, I had never been attracted to girls, but on the other, I was trashed. Making out is fun. Making out when you're drunk is even better, so why not? That was why I allowed things to continue, and eventually, Alice was lying closer to me, her hand still in my hair.

I was relatively still, keeping my top hand on her hip, but her hands traveled. She touched my side, sliding up and down my torso and grazing the sliver of skin at my hip where my shirt had pulled up. That touch eventually rounded over my ass, making my insides flutter a bit. I had always been a sucker for an ass grab. As her fingertips grazed over the back of my thighs on the downward journey, I shuddered. The skin there was so sensitive, and with the short skirt I was wearing, it was soon skin-on-skin contact once again.

Everything was lost to me. All I could do was feel and respond to what we were doing. Who we were and our sexual orientations didn't seem to matter. She was my friend, who I trusted, and as I said before, I was really drunk. The pleasure and fun were the only thing I could focus on.

Soon, or not soon enough, her hand was between my thighs, lightly stroking the bare, sensitive skin. Up. Down. Up. Down. Deep breath. Shudder. Deep breath. Shudder.

She kept creeping closer, and with each pass my body throbbed with need. I wanted that touch. I wanted her.

"Oh god..." I moaned as she traced a single fingertip along the crest of my inner thigh.

"Are you all right?" she asked quickly, pausing from our feverish kissing.

"Fuck...yes!"

"Can I?"

"Uh huh," I stuttered, nodding my head fervently. I needed something to release the insane pressure she was building inside me. "Go ahead."

Alice didn't hesitate to rub the length of her fingers over my satin panties. Another cry of approval fell from my lips, so she applied more pressure.

"I've never done this before," she whispered, and I noticed that her hand was shaking slightly.

To ease some of her nervousness, I moved my mouth across her cheek, licking and sucking until I was on her neck. She sounded off her own appreciative noises, and I found myself smiling against her skin. I liked that I was doing that to her, and I _needed_ her to keep going.

After a few moments, she did. Her small hand slipped into the top of my tiny bikinis and touched me tentatively. That was the first time I realized just how wet and ready I was from what she had been doing to me. As her fingers slowly moved up and down, teasing me from the base of my sex to the little bundle of nerves at the top, she spread that wetness and drove me even crazier. I was moaning like a fool, twitching and pressing closer to her hand, needing _more_.

She got the message and finally, _finally_ slid one careful finger into me. I stilled my movements and rolled onto my back. When she first began to move, I instinctively bucked up into her hand. That encouragement led to increased movement, and it just felt...So. Fucking. Good.

Even though Alice was inexperienced with these things, I wasn't. I may have been a virgin, but I wasn't innocent. She tried different methods and movements, and I ended up coaching her a little bit, instructing her on what felt good, what was uncomfortable, and what-to-keep-on-fucking-doing-because-I'm-gonna-come. About halfway through, my clothes were in the way far too much for my taste, so I ended up pushing her away for a moment while I scrambled to rip off everything that covered my lower half.

While she continued to play me like she had far more experience than she actually did, our free hands worked together to unbutton my shirt and unsnap my front-clasp bra. I was surprised when it was her mouth that latched onto my nipple instead of her other hand, but I wasn't complaining. She used her natural kissing skills just as well on my chest, circling my nipples teasingly before tonguing and sucking them with alternating pressure, including a few hard, erotic bites. No one had ever really bitten me before, and it was hot as fuck.

I was a panting, groaning mess by the time we found the best pattern together. My hips lifted off the bed when I came, and I heard the sweetest little giggle from her when it happened.

"What?" I asked.

"I did that!" she said proudly.

Her fingers lingered inside me a few moments longer before she pulled them out and examined her glistening skin. With a mischievous smirk, she brought that hand to my chest, rubbing my arousal over my nipples and then sucking it off. It was the sexiest thing anyone had ever done to me, hands down.

We rolled back onto our sides, resuming kissing. Our bodies were flush together, legs tangled this time as we rubbed and groped. It was as if her hands were now glued to my tits, but it felt so good that I didn't care in the least. In fact, I wanted to find out what the big deal was. Pulling back, I gripped the bottom of her tank top and yanked it over her head. She leaned up to accommodate my actions, and once she was topless, I rolled her onto her back. Straddling Alice's waist, I palmed both her small breasts. Being so petite and young, she didn't have much there, but they still felt nice to hold. I squeezed carefully, trying to massage them the way I knew I liked. I ran my fingertips over the edges of her lace bra, then followed the same path with my mouth. She was crying out just as loudly as I had been earlier, so I tugged back the fabric on one side and quickly swiped her teeny pebble nipple with my wet tongue. It felt good, and I could tell that she agreed.

I did the same to the other side, and I found myself really enjoying the way she felt in my hands and how her skin tasted. That was when inspiration struck me.

"Hey, Alice?" I asked, looking down at her. She breathed heavily as she peeked up at me.

"Yeah?"

"Can I...can I try something?"

"Umm, okay?" she said hesitantly. I was just as nervous as she seemed, but I wanted to repay the fuckhot favor she had done me.

Slowly, I dragged kisses over her ribs, down her stomach, and to the edge of her jeans. Once there, I flicked open the button and unzipped them, wrapping both hands over the waistband to pull them down, along with her thong. When they were off, she scooted backward on the bed, propping her head up on an extra pillow to watch me. Her eyes were wide and excited, and I felt that same energy. I had no clue what I was doing, but I wanted to try. It was my wild streak coming out thanks to the mass quantities of beer, horniness, and sense of adventure.

"Spread your legs apart and put your feet flat on the mattress," I instructed her, and she did as I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked, even though I could tell she didn't want me to stop. "You don't have to. I mean, I know you like guys, and..."

"Alice, stop, or I _will_ lose the nerve. Just let me try this, okay?"

When she finally agreed, I pulled my hair back into a sloppy ponytail and bent down between her legs. I looked at her for a minute, thinking about what I liked the few times this had been done to me. Steeling myself with a deep breath, I closed the space between us and laid my mouth against her moist, tender flesh. My tongue came out, and I ran it from her opening, up between her lips, and finally to her responsive nerves at the top. She tasted...different from a guy, but not entirely unpleasant. I smiled to myself when her hands thumped against the mattress, gripping the comforter tightly.

"Oh fuck, more," she begged, and I was actually quite excited to oblige.

I repeated that action several times, circling my tongue on her clit a little more before I moved back down. I imagined that I was kissing her, so I mimicked making out, just not with her mouth. It seemed to make her very happy, so I plunged into her finally. My tongue drove in deep, lapping up the liquid heat she produced, and kissing the velvety flesh. I hummed in response to her grasping my hair, and that elicited an almost painful but completely pleasurable feeling, so I did it again....and again. I even added a little tongue roll, and that went over very well. When I could tell she was wound tight enough to burst, I moved back up to her clit and began to suck and flick it with my tongue. At the same time, I slipped my middle finger inside her and twirled it in little circles.

"Faster...oh god, do that faster!"

I did as she requested, and it wasn't very long before her entire body tightened and collapsed against the bed. I removed my mouth from her first, then slid my finger out carefully.

"That was..."

"I know," I answered for her, grinning and feeling quite proud of myself. I imagined that it was similar to how she felt earlier.

"So..."

"Let's go to bed."

"Sounds good to me," she giggled. Girlfriend was a serious giggler.

We fixed our bras and put our shirts and panties back on before crawling under the covers together. We didn't snuggle or any of that foo-foo shit, but we did laugh about how drunk we both were and how that was a completely unexpected way to end the evening. It only took minutes before I passed out.

When I awoke in the morning, my head was pounding. Fucking cheap-ass beer. I looked over to see Alice rubbing her eyes and smearing mascara all over her face.

"You look like a raccoon," I teased, securing my skirt over my hips.

"You should see your hair," she countered. I felt my ponytail and sure enough, it was a lumpy bird's nest.

"Need a ride home?" I asked. "I got a text from Jasper that said he left the car here."

"Sure."

We rode back to our neighborhood in relative silence, and when I pulled into her driveway, she looked over at me, biting her lips all scared-like.

"What's the problem, Little Brandon?"

"I, ah...I hope I didn't make things...weird," she muttered, looking down at the center console.

"Am I acting like things are weird?" I asked in return. She agreed that I wasn't, and I quickly brushed off her anxiety with the assurance that it was a drunken venture, and that I didn't really mind trying it once. Honestly, it was no big deal to me. It was fun, but I wasn't going to give up the peen for boobs anytime soon. We could continue our friendship the same way it had been before, as long as she was comfortable with that.

With that, the conversation was over, and life went on as usual.

I never hooked up with Alice again, nor any other girl for that matter. I also never regretted what we did because we were just living in the moment. If it also happened to help my friend figure some of her own shit out, then good for her.

Personally, I found it humorous that I went farther with her than my brother had. He would never admit it, but I knew he had a little crush on her when we were kids.


End file.
